refuse to go, but he was prepared to suffer to a certain extent for the general good.
‘I say, old man,’ said Basil to the Judge, ‘I suppose you couldn’t lend me £10. That £10 you fined me put me back a bit. I’m not a wealthy chap like you.’
The General glared at the Judge. He was quite plainly giving an order. For once, the law felt it had to obey. With as good a grace as possible, the Judge started to extract ten one pound notes from his pocket-book.
‘No — not now, Judge, please. Afterwards. What does it feel like to beat the receiving end?’ he added. If the Judge had not been so extremely anxious to keep the damages down to a minimum he would have walked out of the house, or, at least, tried to make some effective retort. As it was, he could only resort to another attempt at a grin. It made him look as if he were going to be sea-sick — but for his colour, which was red rather than green.
‘What fun it must be being a Judge,’ said Basil. ‘No one can contradict you. Everyone has to do what you tell him. Now, do take this chair, Judge. I particularly want you to sit here.’ And the Judge sat.
‘Now gentlemen,’ said Basil, ‘I think it very kind of you to come to see me. It must have cost some of you quite a lot — not in money, I mean — yet.’
The General decided to make a small reconnaissance. ‘Now, my dear Merridew, I’m a plain man. We’re in the wrong — and we want to say we’re sorry, damnably sorry. Forgive me, Vicar.’
‘That’s very generous of you, General. I wonder if each of the others would mind repeating that. Please don’t if you’d rather not. Vicar?’
The Vicar swallowed. ‘I offer you my unreserved apologies,’ he said.
‘Judge?’
‘I, too,’ said the Judge.
‘That’s not very liberal,’ said Basil. ‘Is that all you want to say?’
‘I’m extremely sorry,’ said the Judge, ‘and I withdraw the allegations unreservedly.’
‘That’s much better,’ said Basil. ‘I’d like to remember that. Would you mind repeating it?’
The Judge hesitated, but his financial position was undoubtedly very bad and he did as he was asked.
‘Just once more to please me,’ coaxed Basil.
When the apologies were over, the General tried again.
‘We’ve done you a wrong, Merridew, and we want to put it right. I don’t suppose you want money, but, if you do, tell us how much and we’ll see if we can agree.’
‘You go so fast,’ said Basil. ‘I’m a lonely man and it’s such a change having you here. If we agree at once, I’m sure you’d all go away. Another drink?’
They had to humour him and dropped the subject.
After another quarter of an hour, Basil said: ‘It isn’t fair to keep you in suspense like this. I’m so sorry. I’m being selfish. And, after all, I know the way these things happen. Walk into any club in London and hear what they’re saying. Enough material for fifty slander actions.’
‘I’m so glad you see it in that light,’ said the doctor.
‘How could you tell that I wasn’t insured? How could you know that my house really had been burgled? You couldn’t. Appearances were all against it.’
‘You take a very generous view,’ said the General.
‘You have a very liberal mind,’ added the Vicar.
‘I very much appreciate your attitude,’ said the Judge, feeling on firmer ground.
‘But, of course,’ went on Basil, ‘the law — ass that it is — says nothing about not knowing, does it, Doctor?’
The doctor made no answer. He realized what was coming.
‘Or taking a generous view, General?’
The General was silent.
‘Or having a liberal mind, Vicar?’ He paused, and then added: ‘Or much appreciating an attitude, Judge? Of course, it should do, Judge. But it doesn’t, Doctor. But don’t worry. I shan’t take any notice of anything any of you have said — tonight?
There was silence for a moment. The judge and the doctor, with their knowledge of Gilbert and Sullivan, knew that their
‘I say, old man,’ said Basil to the Judge, ‘I suppose you couldn’t lend me £10. That £10 you fined me put me back a bit. I’m not a wealthy chap like you.’
The General glared at the Judge. He was quite plainly giving an order. For once, the law felt it had to obey. With as good a grace as possible, the Judge started to extract ten one pound notes from his pocket-book.
‘No — not now, Judge, please. Afterwards. What does it feel like to beat the receiving end?’ he added. If the Judge had not been so extremely anxious to keep the damages down to a minimum he would have walked out of the house, or, at least, tried to make some effective retort. As it was, he could only resort to another attempt at a grin. It made him look as if he were going to be sea-sick — but for his colour, which was red rather than green.
‘What fun it must be being a Judge,’ said Basil. ‘No one can contradict you. Everyone has to do what you tell him. Now, do take this chair, Judge. I particularly want you to sit here.’ And the Judge sat.
‘Now gentlemen,’ said Basil, ‘I think it very kind of you to come to see me. It must have cost some of you quite a lot — not in money, I mean — yet.’
The General decided to make a small reconnaissance. ‘Now, my dear Merridew, I’m a plain man. We’re in the wrong — and we want to say we’re sorry, damnably sorry. Forgive me, Vicar.’
‘That’s very generous of you, General. I wonder if each of the others would mind repeating that. Please don’t if you’d rather not. Vicar?’
The Vicar swallowed. ‘I offer you my unreserved apologies,’ he said.
‘Judge?’
‘I, too,’ said the Judge.
‘That’s not very liberal,’ said Basil. ‘Is that all you want to say?’
‘I’m extremely sorry,’ said the Judge, ‘and I withdraw the allegations unreservedly.’
‘That’s much better,’ said Basil. ‘I’d like to remember that. Would you mind repeating it?’
The Judge hesitated, but his financial position was undoubtedly very bad and he did as he was asked.
‘Just once more to please me,’ coaxed Basil.
When the apologies were over, the General tried again.
‘We’ve done you a wrong, Merridew, and we want to put it right. I don’t suppose you want money, but, if you do, tell us how much and we’ll see if we can agree.’
‘You go so fast,’ said Basil. ‘I’m a lonely man and it’s such a change having you here. If we agree at once, I’m sure you’d all go away. Another drink?’
They had to humour him and dropped the subject.
After another quarter of an hour, Basil said: ‘It isn’t fair to keep you in suspense like this. I’m so sorry. I’m being selfish. And, after all, I know the way these things happen. Walk into any club in London and hear what they’re saying. Enough material for fifty slander actions.’
‘I’m so glad you see it in that light,’ said the doctor.
‘How could you tell that I wasn’t insured? How could you know that my house really had been burgled? You couldn’t. Appearances were all against it.’
‘You take a very generous view,’ said the General.
‘You have a very liberal mind,’ added the Vicar.
‘I very much appreciate your attitude,’ said the Judge, feeling on firmer ground.
‘But, of course,’ went on Basil, ‘the law — ass that it is — says nothing about not knowing, does it, Doctor?’
The doctor made no answer. He realized what was coming.
‘Or taking a generous view, General?’
The General was silent.
‘Or having a liberal mind, Vicar?’ He paused, and then added: ‘Or much appreciating an attitude, Judge? Of course, it should do, Judge. But it doesn’t, Doctor. But don’t worry. I shan’t take any notice of anything any of you have said — tonight?
There was silence for a moment. The judge and the doctor, with their knowledge of Gilbert and Sullivan, knew that their
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