Wayward Dreams by Gail McFarland Page B

for you. You loved me, you just didn’t like me.”
    â€œThat’s not true, it never was.” Hurt, Bianca’s eyes clouded. “Between us, we just kept digging holes, and you could never let it go.”
    â€œLet it go? You’re right, but there is so much wrong with you even thinking you can say that. Why should I just let it go? There was a father I would never have known because Mom had my birth certificate amended so that you and I would appear to have the same father—less for her to explain, I guess. But ultimately, I wound up abandoned by her, him, and then you.”
    â€œJulia, you’re acting like this is my fault.”
    â€œFault? Damn it, you never understood! This doesn’t have anything to do with fault and casting blame where we’re concerned. I needed you!”
    â€œYou told me you decided to go to school in Chicago because you found your real dad there, and you wanted to get to know him. He was an orphan—but you found him, and he reached out to you.”
    â€œYou really want to believe he just reached out and embraced me, and that we all lived happily ever after, don’t you? I found him because he wanted me to.”
    â€œYou never said anything…”
    â€œHe thought I might be a compatible donor.” Bitterness shadowed Julia’s eyes. “He wasn’t searching for his long-lost daughter, trying to make me or himself whole. I wouldn’t have found him if it hadn’t been for his kidney disease.”
    â€œJulia…”
    Julia’s raised hand cut Bianca off. “He wasn’t a bad man, just a weak one, and in the end, he loved me in his own way, but…I don’t know.”
    â€œBut you had a chance to get to know him. You had four years with him.”
    â€œI buried him, too, Bianca, right after my graduation. And I did it without my sister.”
    â€œThen you took off for Japan…”
    â€œAnd you didn’t see anything wrong with it; it got me out of your hair. Like I said, you loved me; you just didn’t like me enough to care about anything going on with me.”
    â€œAh, Julia, I always cared. I’m sorry. I was sorry then, and I’m sorry now.” Wishing she had never made such a shambles of their relationship, Bianca was at a loss.
    â€œSorry is a start.”
    â€œI thought we crossed over this for the final time when our stepfather died, and we agreed that our being sisters was good, but it wasn’t great.”
    â€œAnd you still called me today, because you just didn’t get it.”
    â€œI didn’t have anyone else,” Bianca said.
    â€œNeither did I.” Visibly struggling with her emotions, Julia looked at her sister.
    â€œHow do I apologize for being so self-involved that I abandoned anybody as hurt as you must have been? Julia, I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t know how to make it better for you, so I made it better for me. You seemed to be handling everything, at least on the outside.”
    â€œOn the outside; right. I guess I can forgive, but forgetting is harder. So I guess if we’re really ever going to get over it, I can’t make the same mistakes you did, can I?”
    Bianca’s lashes fluttered, and it seemed tears would fall, before she opened her eyes. “I think I get it now. Is it too late for me to say that I’m sorry, that I want to do better?”
    â€œWhy?” Julia asked. “Are you afraid I’m going to un-sister you or something?”
    â€œThis wasn’t easy, Julia. I had to remind myself that you were my sister and that when Mom died we stood for each other when there was nobody else. I had to remind myself that you owed me nothing and I was pretty much asking you to help me hold on to everything. When you said you would see me, I just hoped.”
    â€œThen let’s keep hope alive, okay?” Julia grinned when Bianca’s face softened and a slow smile