that I was in love with you , thought you might feel the same , almost kissed you , got my heart broken , thought I got over you , only to get broken again when I found out you ' re leaving. "
Oh , damn. I start to choke. On what , I don ' t know , but I ' m coughing and trying to catch my breath like an idiot when I shouldn ' t be surprised. This is Pris and she doesn ' t hold back. But still , we ' ve never talked about the almost- kiss at the beach house. She ' s never said anything like this to me before and damn if it isn ' t hot. Not that I should think that , but I do.
She starts to pound on my back. " Come on , pretty boy. Breathe. Let ' s not pretend you didn ' t know. "
Once I ' m able to stop acting like a psychopath , I look at her. Take in her slightly round face , plump lips , and for the first time in what feels like forever , I feel like she ' s really looking at me too. " I thought you hated me now. "
There ' s a part of me who wants to be put out of my misery at my words. I thought you hated me now? How needy can I sound? But there’s another part of me who needs to know . Who might just be as needy as I sound. I ' m not proud of that part. I actually want to lock it deep inside and forget it ' s there , kind of like how my dad may have forgotten about me. Does he even know about me? Oh , that ' s right. Mike said he didn ' t want me.
Priscilla sighs. It ' s crazy because she ' s always so fierce. So strong that it makes me feel like crap that I may have dented her armor.
" I think I did ... do ... no. I did , a little bit. I ' m not going to pretend I ' m not angry or hurt. But I ' m also tired of it too . Bastian ' s right. It shouldn ' t be like this. I don ' t want to fight with you anymore , Jaden. "
" We ' re good at fighting. " I wink at her.
" Oh , I know. I still think you ' re in idiota , but I ' m tired of being mad at you . I'm tired of being hurt. "
" Shit ," I groan , rubbing a hand over my face. " You ' re the last person I want to hurt , Priscilla. "
" I know that. "
More circles with her feet. They look wobbly through the water. I can ' t help myself from thinking about how strong she is. Her leg looks unstable under the water , like it ' s made of Jell-o or something , but this is part of Priscilla which means it ' s sturdy ... unbreakable. How kick ass is this girl? She ' s probably the strongest person I know.
" That doesn ' t make it any less real though ," she says. " I guess it wasn ' t all your fault , either. You can ' t help how you feel . Or don ' t feel , for that matter. "
I do feel it. I shouldn ' t , but I do.
" No ," I shake my head. " It ' s my fault. After we almost kissed last summer I kind of ... I don ' t know , freaked or something. I know it was the alcohol or whatever , but I could have handled it better ... Should have handled it better. "
It had been so crazy , standing behind that house with her. I ' d found a way to wipe her tears. Neither of us spoke and then we were just heading toward each other. Like fucking beacons or something , we were pulled together. I got so close. I smelled her breath and felt its heat on my lips and then it was over. I realized what was going on and I ' d pulled back.
And of course , the next day we blamed it on drinking. And the rest of the trip we got along like we had in forever , but yeah. Things changed when we got home. I realized how I ' d almost screwed up and the next thing I knew , I kept pulling farther and farther way.
" That doesn ' t really matter , Jay. The fact is , I know when to let things go , and I have to. I ' m moving on. I just want ... "
For a minute I ' m not sure if she drifted off or if I just stopped hearing. If somehow my hearing cut out when she said she ' s moving on from me. I want to tell her that she can ' t. She ' s mine. In a way we ' ve always belonged to each other. Since that hair pulling incident in kindergarten our lives have been so intertwined: Me , Priscilla , Bastian and
Oh , damn. I start to choke. On what , I don ' t know , but I ' m coughing and trying to catch my breath like an idiot when I shouldn ' t be surprised. This is Pris and she doesn ' t hold back. But still , we ' ve never talked about the almost- kiss at the beach house. She ' s never said anything like this to me before and damn if it isn ' t hot. Not that I should think that , but I do.
She starts to pound on my back. " Come on , pretty boy. Breathe. Let ' s not pretend you didn ' t know. "
Once I ' m able to stop acting like a psychopath , I look at her. Take in her slightly round face , plump lips , and for the first time in what feels like forever , I feel like she ' s really looking at me too. " I thought you hated me now. "
There ' s a part of me who wants to be put out of my misery at my words. I thought you hated me now? How needy can I sound? But there’s another part of me who needs to know . Who might just be as needy as I sound. I ' m not proud of that part. I actually want to lock it deep inside and forget it ' s there , kind of like how my dad may have forgotten about me. Does he even know about me? Oh , that ' s right. Mike said he didn ' t want me.
Priscilla sighs. It ' s crazy because she ' s always so fierce. So strong that it makes me feel like crap that I may have dented her armor.
" I think I did ... do ... no. I did , a little bit. I ' m not going to pretend I ' m not angry or hurt. But I ' m also tired of it too . Bastian ' s right. It shouldn ' t be like this. I don ' t want to fight with you anymore , Jaden. "
" We ' re good at fighting. " I wink at her.
" Oh , I know. I still think you ' re in idiota , but I ' m tired of being mad at you . I'm tired of being hurt. "
" Shit ," I groan , rubbing a hand over my face. " You ' re the last person I want to hurt , Priscilla. "
" I know that. "
More circles with her feet. They look wobbly through the water. I can ' t help myself from thinking about how strong she is. Her leg looks unstable under the water , like it ' s made of Jell-o or something , but this is part of Priscilla which means it ' s sturdy ... unbreakable. How kick ass is this girl? She ' s probably the strongest person I know.
" That doesn ' t make it any less real though ," she says. " I guess it wasn ' t all your fault , either. You can ' t help how you feel . Or don ' t feel , for that matter. "
I do feel it. I shouldn ' t , but I do.
" No ," I shake my head. " It ' s my fault. After we almost kissed last summer I kind of ... I don ' t know , freaked or something. I know it was the alcohol or whatever , but I could have handled it better ... Should have handled it better. "
It had been so crazy , standing behind that house with her. I ' d found a way to wipe her tears. Neither of us spoke and then we were just heading toward each other. Like fucking beacons or something , we were pulled together. I got so close. I smelled her breath and felt its heat on my lips and then it was over. I realized what was going on and I ' d pulled back.
And of course , the next day we blamed it on drinking. And the rest of the trip we got along like we had in forever , but yeah. Things changed when we got home. I realized how I ' d almost screwed up and the next thing I knew , I kept pulling farther and farther way.
" That doesn ' t really matter , Jay. The fact is , I know when to let things go , and I have to. I ' m moving on. I just want ... "
For a minute I ' m not sure if she drifted off or if I just stopped hearing. If somehow my hearing cut out when she said she ' s moving on from me. I want to tell her that she can ' t. She ' s mine. In a way we ' ve always belonged to each other. Since that hair pulling incident in kindergarten our lives have been so intertwined: Me , Priscilla , Bastian and
Similar Books
