' t know if he thinks I ' m an idiot or what , but at least I ' ll score a few games out of it.
We head inside to all the flashing lights and loud sounds. After getting quarters we play a few games before we grab a drink and sit down in one of the booths. It reminds me of the place back home we used to hang out at , only this place is actually bigger. My drink is about halfway done when I ' m tired of playing his game. " So what ' s up? You decide to play counselor today or what? " I slouch back in the seat. My hair flops down in my face and I push it away before biting at the hoop in my bottom lip.
Sebastian looks way more serious than I need him to look right now. What I want is for him to make some smart-aleck comment and for me to counter it with something else.
After what feels like ... I don ' t know , a long time , he says , " Things are changing. "
Yeah , no crap. " Things always change. " I shrug.
" Not the four of us. We ' re not supposed to change. "
I let my head rest against the back of the booth and close my eyes. I totally don ' t feel like doing this right now. A lot of people think Bastian ' s all talk—that he doesn ' t take things seriously or that he doesn ' t really think about anyone but himself. Those people don ' t know anything. He ' s seen a lot—had a lot of people come in and out of his life and the one thing he ' s always serious about is holding onto the people he doesn ' t want to lose. I feel like shit that I ' m pulling out the serious Sebastian.
I don ' t open my eyes when I say , " My head ' s all screwed up right now. "
" Then tell me why. "
" I can ' t. "
" Then find a way to get it together yourself. "
This makes me open my eyes. I know he ' s right , but it ' s not like I can snap my fingers and forget every single word that ' s been embedded into my brain. Can ' t forget that I ' m a screw up. That Mom obviously couldn ' t care less and ... surprise ! I don ' t even know who my real dad is. It ' s embarrassing , and I don ' t want everyone feeling sorry for me. " It ' s not that easy. "
Sebastian groans. " Then talk to someone or whatever. I don ' t know. If you don ' t wanna tell me , talk to Pris or Aspen or something , but— "
" Pfft . You have said so yourself , Pris has always wished I would die a fiery death and I ' m pretty sure things are double as bad now. "
" Nah ... I used to think that was it , but it ' s more than that and you and I both know it , man. "
I don ' t answer him , not sure how I really feel about what he says. It ' s easier to pretend things don ' t exist than to talk about them and make them real.
" Whatever ' s going on , you need to find a way to squash it , because we can ' t keep going how we are. Last summer , it felt like shit when everything went down and none of you guys were talking to me. Now your dumbass is going all the way to Texas. Do you really want to be out there knowing you left things like this?"
He ' s right. I know that and I feel like we keep going over and over the same thing. My fault? Yep , and I definitely don ' t think I can keep going the way things are going right now. It ' s not fair to Pris. To any of them , actually. For once , I just want us to be. Simple. Without complications. I want to have fun and everything to be cool , before things change in the exact way Bastian is talking about.
I start to laugh. Sebastian looks at me like I just lost it and maybe he ' s right.
" What? "
" You actually make sense now! After always thinking you know what you ' re talking about , you actually might now. It ' s scary as hell. "
Sebastian flips me off. " Whatever. I ' ve always known my shit. "
That makes one of us.
***
We hang out at the arcade a little longer before heading back to the hotel. Bastian texts Aspen to find out our room number. When we get up there , the girls are sitting in the middle of one of the beds , painting their toenails. My first thought is I sure hope they don ' t expect me to share a bed
We head inside to all the flashing lights and loud sounds. After getting quarters we play a few games before we grab a drink and sit down in one of the booths. It reminds me of the place back home we used to hang out at , only this place is actually bigger. My drink is about halfway done when I ' m tired of playing his game. " So what ' s up? You decide to play counselor today or what? " I slouch back in the seat. My hair flops down in my face and I push it away before biting at the hoop in my bottom lip.
Sebastian looks way more serious than I need him to look right now. What I want is for him to make some smart-aleck comment and for me to counter it with something else.
After what feels like ... I don ' t know , a long time , he says , " Things are changing. "
Yeah , no crap. " Things always change. " I shrug.
" Not the four of us. We ' re not supposed to change. "
I let my head rest against the back of the booth and close my eyes. I totally don ' t feel like doing this right now. A lot of people think Bastian ' s all talk—that he doesn ' t take things seriously or that he doesn ' t really think about anyone but himself. Those people don ' t know anything. He ' s seen a lot—had a lot of people come in and out of his life and the one thing he ' s always serious about is holding onto the people he doesn ' t want to lose. I feel like shit that I ' m pulling out the serious Sebastian.
I don ' t open my eyes when I say , " My head ' s all screwed up right now. "
" Then tell me why. "
" I can ' t. "
" Then find a way to get it together yourself. "
This makes me open my eyes. I know he ' s right , but it ' s not like I can snap my fingers and forget every single word that ' s been embedded into my brain. Can ' t forget that I ' m a screw up. That Mom obviously couldn ' t care less and ... surprise ! I don ' t even know who my real dad is. It ' s embarrassing , and I don ' t want everyone feeling sorry for me. " It ' s not that easy. "
Sebastian groans. " Then talk to someone or whatever. I don ' t know. If you don ' t wanna tell me , talk to Pris or Aspen or something , but— "
" Pfft . You have said so yourself , Pris has always wished I would die a fiery death and I ' m pretty sure things are double as bad now. "
" Nah ... I used to think that was it , but it ' s more than that and you and I both know it , man. "
I don ' t answer him , not sure how I really feel about what he says. It ' s easier to pretend things don ' t exist than to talk about them and make them real.
" Whatever ' s going on , you need to find a way to squash it , because we can ' t keep going how we are. Last summer , it felt like shit when everything went down and none of you guys were talking to me. Now your dumbass is going all the way to Texas. Do you really want to be out there knowing you left things like this?"
He ' s right. I know that and I feel like we keep going over and over the same thing. My fault? Yep , and I definitely don ' t think I can keep going the way things are going right now. It ' s not fair to Pris. To any of them , actually. For once , I just want us to be. Simple. Without complications. I want to have fun and everything to be cool , before things change in the exact way Bastian is talking about.
I start to laugh. Sebastian looks at me like I just lost it and maybe he ' s right.
" What? "
" You actually make sense now! After always thinking you know what you ' re talking about , you actually might now. It ' s scary as hell. "
Sebastian flips me off. " Whatever. I ' ve always known my shit. "
That makes one of us.
***
We hang out at the arcade a little longer before heading back to the hotel. Bastian texts Aspen to find out our room number. When we get up there , the girls are sitting in the middle of one of the beds , painting their toenails. My first thought is I sure hope they don ' t expect me to share a bed
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