to voicemail for a while. If I want to keep my man, I have to stay away from them for a while. I cannot keep running with them constantly, if I want to keep Shayvon. Whether it is true or not, I need to him to believe that I am not doing anything wrong and that he can trust me. These bitches act as if they cannot understand that, and I am not about to leave Shayvon for nobody. It probably wouldn’t hurt to call them up and tell them what the deal is, but I don’t think that they will understand. Erica is all about independence and not needing a man for shit. Taniyah won’t do anything but ride with Erica, and I don't want to hear that shit. At the end of the day, I’m like why bother trying to get them to understand the way I feel and what I have to do. To be honest, Shay was with me before I knew them and I was good.
I love him, no matter how it may seem. My mind and body just yearn for things that he does not understand. I would never want to hurt him. Shayvon is the only man that has ever loved me. I would be a damn fool to give that up for a bitch, or anyone else for that matter.
How could I expect Shayvon to understand the other side of me? When I was living in Atlanta, I did whatever I wanted when I wanted. I was living care free and oblivious to judgment. You could say that I was the true definition of a bad girl. I had some down ass bitches by my side, which was exactly what I needed at the time. Granny had passed and I was lonely. It was damn near impossible to feel the void. With them, I was good to go. I stopped crying and actually took part in what the world had to offer.
When Erica started taking me to the strip club, it was like being back in the ATL. I felt high just being there. The pills and powder just enhanced the feelings. I’m not even sure if I remember everything from those nights, or if it was a dream, but when my high starts to come down, everything comes to a stopping point and all I want to do is go home to Shayvon.
Suffice it to say, that I cannot stay away from Shay for long. I’m tired of lying and sneaking, but if these bitches blow it all for me, I don’t know what I will do. I can’t lose Shayvon, period. Shayvon is my heart and soul. Without him, I am nothing.
The night that Shayvon had to pull my high ass out of Erica’s house, was a real low point for me. The hurt and disappointment was evident, because I could see it on his face. It hurt me to see that I hurt him. I need to make this right, but I don’t know how. When I feel the feelings rise up in my body, it’s as if I become a different person, and that person is one that I can’t stop. That person is selfish and doesn’t care about anybody else, or who she hurts, and I am defenseless against her. It’s as if I can see everything that I’m doing, but it doesn’t feel like me. Maybe it’s the drugs and alcohol that get me to that point, but regardless; even when I want to stop, I can’t. The entire time I was over there with her, I kept thinking that I should stop and go home, but I never did.
For the sake of love, I needed to make it up to my baby. When the game was over and his friends left, I offered him a lovely surprise. It was my job to show my baby what a real woman was made of.
“Hey daddy. How was the game?”
“It was more than cool. I just need to collect on my bet. Bitch betta have my money, ya heard me? I might have to buy you something nice for being a good lil wifey.” He leaned down and kissed my forehead.
“No need. You're all the gift I need.” I grabbed him gently by the arm and started pulling him beside me while I walked.
“Where you taking me, bae?” he asked, looking around for cameras as if he was being punked.
“Shh…just come with me.”
Shay walked with me up the stairs until we reached the tub in our master bathroom. Scented candles lit the room with a romantic incandescence that set the mood for what the night had in store for him. The flames from the candles sent a
I love him, no matter how it may seem. My mind and body just yearn for things that he does not understand. I would never want to hurt him. Shayvon is the only man that has ever loved me. I would be a damn fool to give that up for a bitch, or anyone else for that matter.
How could I expect Shayvon to understand the other side of me? When I was living in Atlanta, I did whatever I wanted when I wanted. I was living care free and oblivious to judgment. You could say that I was the true definition of a bad girl. I had some down ass bitches by my side, which was exactly what I needed at the time. Granny had passed and I was lonely. It was damn near impossible to feel the void. With them, I was good to go. I stopped crying and actually took part in what the world had to offer.
When Erica started taking me to the strip club, it was like being back in the ATL. I felt high just being there. The pills and powder just enhanced the feelings. I’m not even sure if I remember everything from those nights, or if it was a dream, but when my high starts to come down, everything comes to a stopping point and all I want to do is go home to Shayvon.
Suffice it to say, that I cannot stay away from Shay for long. I’m tired of lying and sneaking, but if these bitches blow it all for me, I don’t know what I will do. I can’t lose Shayvon, period. Shayvon is my heart and soul. Without him, I am nothing.
The night that Shayvon had to pull my high ass out of Erica’s house, was a real low point for me. The hurt and disappointment was evident, because I could see it on his face. It hurt me to see that I hurt him. I need to make this right, but I don’t know how. When I feel the feelings rise up in my body, it’s as if I become a different person, and that person is one that I can’t stop. That person is selfish and doesn’t care about anybody else, or who she hurts, and I am defenseless against her. It’s as if I can see everything that I’m doing, but it doesn’t feel like me. Maybe it’s the drugs and alcohol that get me to that point, but regardless; even when I want to stop, I can’t. The entire time I was over there with her, I kept thinking that I should stop and go home, but I never did.
For the sake of love, I needed to make it up to my baby. When the game was over and his friends left, I offered him a lovely surprise. It was my job to show my baby what a real woman was made of.
“Hey daddy. How was the game?”
“It was more than cool. I just need to collect on my bet. Bitch betta have my money, ya heard me? I might have to buy you something nice for being a good lil wifey.” He leaned down and kissed my forehead.
“No need. You're all the gift I need.” I grabbed him gently by the arm and started pulling him beside me while I walked.
“Where you taking me, bae?” he asked, looking around for cameras as if he was being punked.
“Shh…just come with me.”
Shay walked with me up the stairs until we reached the tub in our master bathroom. Scented candles lit the room with a romantic incandescence that set the mood for what the night had in store for him. The flames from the candles sent a
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