When the Doves Disappeared by Sofi Oksanen Page B

German word order. But I didn’t understand why he was telling me about his schemes. What did it have to do with me? He’d been sent to the gymnasium in Tartu and to the university, he had plenty of opportunities without me. I remembered how cocky he used to be, strutting around the yard during his vacations. He was always able to get some money from Mother when he wanted to order books about aviation from Berlin, pictures of airplanes and German flying aces, and while everyone else was making hay, Mother would lie around the house complaining of faintness and Edgar would sit by her bed and tell her stories about Ernst Udet’s aerial tricks, even though in the country that kind of behavior was considered very strange. They were so alike, Mother and Edgar. Neither one of them paid any attention to my advice, but I had to take care of the two of them anyway. I started hoping that Edgar would leave, start his own career, take care of himself.
    “So go join the police. What do you need me for?”
    “I want you with me. For the sake of all we’ve been through together. I want you to have a good situation, a new beginning.”
    “Mr. Wurst is awfully concerned about my affairs, but why isn’t he with his wife? Or have you found yourself some lady friend to aid you in your maneuvers?”
    “I thought I should get my life in order first. That way Juudit can jump right in. Into a life ready-made. She’s always been so demanding.”
    I started to laugh. Edgar’s voice grew tense but he bit through his anger, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down until it finally settled. He turned his face away and said:
    “I wish you would come with me. For friendship’s sake.”
    “Have you talked to Mother about your plans?” I asked.
    “Not until everything’s certain. I don’t want to get her hopes up unnecessarily.” He raised his voice again. “We can’t stay here in Leonida’s cabin forever. And I’ve already told them that I know of a well-trained man qualified for the police force. You. You’re needed. Estonia needs you!”
    I decided to go back to the stable to water the horse. I hoped Edgar wouldn’t follow me. I didn’t lack for plans of my own, whatever my cousin might think. I had collected all my notes and arranged them, and I had gathered more information whenever I happened upon more of our men, not to mention the facts I’d deduced from Edgar’s stories. I already had plans to go work at the harbor at Tallinn or the railway in Tartu—I might even get enough pay to send some back home. Edgar hadn’t brought Mother a bean, and the Armses had been sharing their meat with his citified wife. I had to provide for them, and hunting and guarding the moonshine wasn’t enough. Leonida’s back was bent because Mother wasn’t any help and Aksel was missing a leg. The harbor was the more tempting option because Tallinn was closer to Rosalie and I could also avoid the German army. I had already falsified the birth date on my papers, in case they should ever get the men from the harbor into their files. But if Edgar had promised me to the police force, the Germans might already know too much about my past. I wouldn’t be allowed to work at the harbor for long unless Edgar made me new papers under a new name—but if he did, could I trust him not to tell the Germans about it?

Taara Village, Estland General Region, Reichskommissariat Ostland
    W HEN JUUDIT ARRIVED in the countryside, no one said anything about her husband. Anna’s knitting needles clicked swiftly in her hands and a sock grew, a child’s sock, and somehow Juudit was certain that she wasn’t knitting it for Rosalie and Roland’s future little ones. Anna had always fussed over Edgar, but not over her own son. They said Roland was staying at Leonida’s cabin and came over now and then to help with the work. They didn’t mention it again, although Juudit kept waiting to hear more. But no, Rosalie just mentioned that Roland was staying in hiding, said