her communications degree in the mail. Josie just wants to go home. She does not yet realize that living in a two-bedroom apartment on the Upper West Side with a manic-depressive opera singer and her husband may not be the best environment for her to begin her new life. Things go all right for a while. The opera singer and the husband are figuring that Josie will move out as soon as she gets a job. Josie is figuring that she will move out in about a year after sheâs saved a little money. It will be about a month before all involved realize that they are not figuring on the same things.
Hyman, over the course of eight days, gives Josie a series of increasingly odd Hanukkah presents. Josie is not expecting presents and wouldnât have the first idea what to buy someone after two dates anyway. On the first day he gives her dark chocolate Hanukkah gelt. Josie is impressed by the fact that heâs found dark chocolate Hanukkah gelt until he comments that dark chocolate is just better , which seems, in spite of being an opinion Josie shares, too definitive. Someone in the world, she thinks, likes milk better. On the second day he gives her a miniature cactus and on the third day he gives her a packet of multivitamins. On the fourth day he gives her a pair of earrings shaped like tiny telephones and explains his feeling that now that sheâs moving back to New York she needs to have some style . Josie will never wear these earrings, not even just to please Hyman. But she will wear the socks he gives her on the fifth day, the socks with tiny terriers on them (they wonât show much under her jeans), and she will wear the stockings he gives her on the sixth day, the stockings with the Chinese pattern on them (they wonât show much under a long skirt, although Hyman will tell her theyâre meant to go with a mini ), but she will not wear the fishnets Hyman gives her on the seventh day, not even in private as Hyman is hoping, and she will definitely not wear the rhinestone âBoy Toyâ belt he gives her on the eighth day, not even/especially when provided with the argument that Madonna gets the joke . Madonna probably does, but Josie thinks sheâs not so sure about Hyman.
New Yearâs Eve is spent riding around in a limousine going to parties at the apartments of aging movie stars with Hyman and his father and his fatherâs French model/Ph.D.-candidate girlfriend of approximately the same age as Josie but with a well-developed indifference. At three in the morning the couples return to Hymanâs fatherâs apartment for a bottle of Cristal and to listen to a recording of Hymanâs new piece , a piece Hyman has spent the last three years on, twenty-three excruciating minutes of some kind of vaguely musical collage (bits and pieces from existing operas, subway trains, screams, and blaxploitation films) entitled âRed Vines, Jerky and String Cheese, a fugueâ (provoking a loud Hoo Hoo! Oh, perfection! from Hymanâs father and a smirk from his girlfrend). Josie, from a musical household/Manhattan, is more than familiar with classical music as well as with noise and is certain that this piece far more closely resembles the latter, is certain that she could not have lived through this piece if it were twenty-four minutes long, endures the piece silently to the continued guffaws from Hymanâs father, to the nods of understanding from the French girlfriend, with only a blank stare on her own part, in this case unbeknownst to Hyman, because it is all she can do to conceal her utter hatred of this pretentious near-half hour of garbage, only to suffer through the piece once again after cries of Brilliant! from Hymanâs father and once again after that to catch all the nuances . Josie can think of no more painful way to spend sixty-nine minutes of her life (plus commentary) and is grateful only that the Cristal continues to flow. Hyman tries to fool around with Josie in the limo
Hyman, over the course of eight days, gives Josie a series of increasingly odd Hanukkah presents. Josie is not expecting presents and wouldnât have the first idea what to buy someone after two dates anyway. On the first day he gives her dark chocolate Hanukkah gelt. Josie is impressed by the fact that heâs found dark chocolate Hanukkah gelt until he comments that dark chocolate is just better , which seems, in spite of being an opinion Josie shares, too definitive. Someone in the world, she thinks, likes milk better. On the second day he gives her a miniature cactus and on the third day he gives her a packet of multivitamins. On the fourth day he gives her a pair of earrings shaped like tiny telephones and explains his feeling that now that sheâs moving back to New York she needs to have some style . Josie will never wear these earrings, not even just to please Hyman. But she will wear the socks he gives her on the fifth day, the socks with tiny terriers on them (they wonât show much under her jeans), and she will wear the stockings he gives her on the sixth day, the stockings with the Chinese pattern on them (they wonât show much under a long skirt, although Hyman will tell her theyâre meant to go with a mini ), but she will not wear the fishnets Hyman gives her on the seventh day, not even in private as Hyman is hoping, and she will definitely not wear the rhinestone âBoy Toyâ belt he gives her on the eighth day, not even/especially when provided with the argument that Madonna gets the joke . Madonna probably does, but Josie thinks sheâs not so sure about Hyman.
New Yearâs Eve is spent riding around in a limousine going to parties at the apartments of aging movie stars with Hyman and his father and his fatherâs French model/Ph.D.-candidate girlfriend of approximately the same age as Josie but with a well-developed indifference. At three in the morning the couples return to Hymanâs fatherâs apartment for a bottle of Cristal and to listen to a recording of Hymanâs new piece , a piece Hyman has spent the last three years on, twenty-three excruciating minutes of some kind of vaguely musical collage (bits and pieces from existing operas, subway trains, screams, and blaxploitation films) entitled âRed Vines, Jerky and String Cheese, a fugueâ (provoking a loud Hoo Hoo! Oh, perfection! from Hymanâs father and a smirk from his girlfrend). Josie, from a musical household/Manhattan, is more than familiar with classical music as well as with noise and is certain that this piece far more closely resembles the latter, is certain that she could not have lived through this piece if it were twenty-four minutes long, endures the piece silently to the continued guffaws from Hymanâs father, to the nods of understanding from the French girlfriend, with only a blank stare on her own part, in this case unbeknownst to Hyman, because it is all she can do to conceal her utter hatred of this pretentious near-half hour of garbage, only to suffer through the piece once again after cries of Brilliant! from Hymanâs father and once again after that to catch all the nuances . Josie can think of no more painful way to spend sixty-nine minutes of her life (plus commentary) and is grateful only that the Cristal continues to flow. Hyman tries to fool around with Josie in the limo
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