fell in love with because he never really got to know me in strength. Even when time passed and I grew emotionally stronger; Alex always seemed to like me vulnerable.
“I noticed it too,” Serena had said, validating my insight. “You and I drifted in different directions then, too. You had Alex, and I had Justin. The boys were such little babies, and they needed me. I should have been there for you, too. Please forgive me.”
I remember responding to her, my heartbeat picking up as if wanting to make up for lost time. “I was so lost then. I should have reached out to you, too. I know how close you and Mom were, and how much she loved Alan and Kirk. She loved being a grandmother. It seemed my eyes could only see Alex then. My own pain felt like more than I could bear. I didn’t want to feel yours, too. I’m so sorry, Serena.” We both cried then, and she wrapped her arms around me, hugging me, her warm touch feeling a lot like my mother’s, a reassurance reaching out from the grave to comfort me.
“At least she went with Daddy. I can’t imagine one of them living on without the other. Let’s promise we’ll never let that kind of distance separate us again,” Serena said. “We’ll talk every week, and email, and I’ll send you pictures of the boys. Promise me, we’ll stay close.”
I promised, and we dried our tears, a half box of Kleenex gone between us.
Now, I mope around my tiny apartment, remembering my childhood and the good years from the past, missing those carefree days of being loved and cared for. Isabella follows me around, rubbing against my ankles, meowing softly, sharing empathy for my sadness.
“You’re sad, too, aren’t you, Izzy? You miss your family, don’t you? You miss, Jared. I’m so sorry, Isabella. I wish I could make him well for you.” I pull her plump, warm body into my arms and nestle my fingers into her downy black coat, scratching behind her ears, kissing her, and petting her along the grain of her spine, until she begins to purr, and burrows her face into my neck, her affection comforting me. “I love you, Isabella,” I say, my heart swelling with the thought that I’d brought her some comfort, too.
All at once, I want to see Jared. I want to see how he’s doing, see if there is anything at all I can do to help, see if his family has been notified, and if they’ve come to the hospital to see him. It’s the least I can do for sweet, sweet Isabella, who misses her Daddy as much as I miss mine.
Thinking about Daddy, I miss him almost more than I can bear. I miss the woodsy smell of him after an afternoon spent chopping up logs in the forest. Hot or cold, he’d come in all grizzly looking and red faced with woodchip dust on his blue jeans and fire crackling in his eyes. How we all loved our rustic old cabin in the woods, the vacation retreat we’d all scramble off to the first day of summer vacation from school, and once even for Thanksgiving. Oh, how I’d almost forgotten about his favorite spicy fried eggs, always smothered in ketchup, and the way he called me Constance when he wanted me to pay attention to something special.
I put Isabella down, my fingers weaving a final path through her furry softness, and make sure her food and water bowls are full. Warmer now, I shed the extra sweatshirt and change out of my shorts and tee shirt into a simple, colorful dress. I’m not sure if I’ll be allowed into the ICU or not. I’m not Jared’s immediately family; I’m no relation at all for that matter, not even a close friend, but I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to go to the hospital anyway. I have some completed paperwork I need to drop off to Mrs. Ianovich in the personnel office. Maybe I’ll be able to peek in on Jared afterwards.
“I’ll try, Isabella. At the very least, I can make sure Jared’s relatives know that you’re safe here with me, and that you can stay as long as they wish. I’ve
“I noticed it too,” Serena had said, validating my insight. “You and I drifted in different directions then, too. You had Alex, and I had Justin. The boys were such little babies, and they needed me. I should have been there for you, too. Please forgive me.”
I remember responding to her, my heartbeat picking up as if wanting to make up for lost time. “I was so lost then. I should have reached out to you, too. I know how close you and Mom were, and how much she loved Alan and Kirk. She loved being a grandmother. It seemed my eyes could only see Alex then. My own pain felt like more than I could bear. I didn’t want to feel yours, too. I’m so sorry, Serena.” We both cried then, and she wrapped her arms around me, hugging me, her warm touch feeling a lot like my mother’s, a reassurance reaching out from the grave to comfort me.
“At least she went with Daddy. I can’t imagine one of them living on without the other. Let’s promise we’ll never let that kind of distance separate us again,” Serena said. “We’ll talk every week, and email, and I’ll send you pictures of the boys. Promise me, we’ll stay close.”
I promised, and we dried our tears, a half box of Kleenex gone between us.
Now, I mope around my tiny apartment, remembering my childhood and the good years from the past, missing those carefree days of being loved and cared for. Isabella follows me around, rubbing against my ankles, meowing softly, sharing empathy for my sadness.
“You’re sad, too, aren’t you, Izzy? You miss your family, don’t you? You miss, Jared. I’m so sorry, Isabella. I wish I could make him well for you.” I pull her plump, warm body into my arms and nestle my fingers into her downy black coat, scratching behind her ears, kissing her, and petting her along the grain of her spine, until she begins to purr, and burrows her face into my neck, her affection comforting me. “I love you, Isabella,” I say, my heart swelling with the thought that I’d brought her some comfort, too.
All at once, I want to see Jared. I want to see how he’s doing, see if there is anything at all I can do to help, see if his family has been notified, and if they’ve come to the hospital to see him. It’s the least I can do for sweet, sweet Isabella, who misses her Daddy as much as I miss mine.
Thinking about Daddy, I miss him almost more than I can bear. I miss the woodsy smell of him after an afternoon spent chopping up logs in the forest. Hot or cold, he’d come in all grizzly looking and red faced with woodchip dust on his blue jeans and fire crackling in his eyes. How we all loved our rustic old cabin in the woods, the vacation retreat we’d all scramble off to the first day of summer vacation from school, and once even for Thanksgiving. Oh, how I’d almost forgotten about his favorite spicy fried eggs, always smothered in ketchup, and the way he called me Constance when he wanted me to pay attention to something special.
I put Isabella down, my fingers weaving a final path through her furry softness, and make sure her food and water bowls are full. Warmer now, I shed the extra sweatshirt and change out of my shorts and tee shirt into a simple, colorful dress. I’m not sure if I’ll be allowed into the ICU or not. I’m not Jared’s immediately family; I’m no relation at all for that matter, not even a close friend, but I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to go to the hospital anyway. I have some completed paperwork I need to drop off to Mrs. Ianovich in the personnel office. Maybe I’ll be able to peek in on Jared afterwards.
“I’ll try, Isabella. At the very least, I can make sure Jared’s relatives know that you’re safe here with me, and that you can stay as long as they wish. I’ve
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