not what he read in a book or was conditioned to believe through associations with any groups, religions or family members. He was his own guru and I found that so sexy! This was important to me because I was always a think and live outside-of-the-box kind of girl who a lot of people couldn’t relate to. I always danced to the beat of my own drum and never subscribed to anyone’s belief system.
So Doran was perfect for me. He was the most open-minded person that I knew. He never judged, down-played, belittled or disrespected anyone elses beliefs. He never looked to prove himself to anyone and never needed to have followers. In fact, he spent most of his free time alone studying and doing his own inner work discovering his own truth. He was definitely his own man. I would sometimes just sit and gaze at him in awe. Then, just like on the day that we met, in that moment I saw him for who he was, a God.
Just as that thought crossed my mind I thought to myself, “So what does that make me?”
11
The weekend had arrived and it was time for Doran and I to head to the Divine Marriage workshop. Ina was at a friends for a sleepover playdate. Doran had dropped her off while I got dressed and tried to get my nerves ready for the workshop.
I just didn’t know how the community would receive Doran and I as a couple with me as my white self. It was usually frowned upon for a brothah to come to such an event with a white chick. So I couldn’t believe that I was “the white chick” at the event! I still wondered why on earth this was happening to me? Couldn’t it have happened to someone else?
I tried to get my mind off of what I wasn’t able to control at the moment and focused instead on the workshop. I’d been looking forward to it for weeks and I just couldn’t bring myself to miss it even in the face of such a devastating personal situation. Something was telling me that I needed to be there no matter what and so I kept getting dressed.
I rummaged through my closet for what felt like hours trying to decide what to wear. Given that I was in my white skin I didn’t want to go looking too ethnic because I didn’t want to look like one of those corny ass white girls trying too hard to look ‘down.’ At the same time I didn’t want to look too mainstream because I didn’t want to look like the white girl who just didn’t quite belong.
Eventually I decided on just wearing jeans and a brown t-shirt. I figured it was as neutral as I could go. I put my hair up in the usual bun and wore some light brown lip gloss. I hadn’t worn make-up of any kind in what seemed like forever since I’d been in my white body so it felt kind of good to put a little gloss on.
“Wow you almost look like your old self, only a little more pale,” Doran joked as he came into the room looking at me.
“Come on babe. I’m trying and this is hard for me,” I sulked.
“You look fine. I think you’ve made a good choice taking the neutral route,” Doran replied as if instinctively knowing my outfit selection process.
“Thanks for noticing that because that’s exactly what I was doing,” I answered.
“So are you about ready? We have to get a move on so we can get a good seat,” Doran asked hurriedly.
“Yeah… I‘m as ready as I’m gonna get. What about you? Are you ready to face this crowd?” I inquired.
“I sure am. We have a great cover story to quell the questions. Since we’re saying you’re family no one will suspect an affair or betrayal to the sistahs so to speak,” Doran answered laughing.
“Yeah I guess you’re right. It should be fine. I keep forgetting about the cover story. In that case it will be fine. I’m ready. Let’s go,” I said grabbing my purse and jacket.
We both headed for the workshop and though I knew that all would be well I was still nervous as hell the entire ride there. I kept playing
So Doran was perfect for me. He was the most open-minded person that I knew. He never judged, down-played, belittled or disrespected anyone elses beliefs. He never looked to prove himself to anyone and never needed to have followers. In fact, he spent most of his free time alone studying and doing his own inner work discovering his own truth. He was definitely his own man. I would sometimes just sit and gaze at him in awe. Then, just like on the day that we met, in that moment I saw him for who he was, a God.
Just as that thought crossed my mind I thought to myself, “So what does that make me?”
11
The weekend had arrived and it was time for Doran and I to head to the Divine Marriage workshop. Ina was at a friends for a sleepover playdate. Doran had dropped her off while I got dressed and tried to get my nerves ready for the workshop.
I just didn’t know how the community would receive Doran and I as a couple with me as my white self. It was usually frowned upon for a brothah to come to such an event with a white chick. So I couldn’t believe that I was “the white chick” at the event! I still wondered why on earth this was happening to me? Couldn’t it have happened to someone else?
I tried to get my mind off of what I wasn’t able to control at the moment and focused instead on the workshop. I’d been looking forward to it for weeks and I just couldn’t bring myself to miss it even in the face of such a devastating personal situation. Something was telling me that I needed to be there no matter what and so I kept getting dressed.
I rummaged through my closet for what felt like hours trying to decide what to wear. Given that I was in my white skin I didn’t want to go looking too ethnic because I didn’t want to look like one of those corny ass white girls trying too hard to look ‘down.’ At the same time I didn’t want to look too mainstream because I didn’t want to look like the white girl who just didn’t quite belong.
Eventually I decided on just wearing jeans and a brown t-shirt. I figured it was as neutral as I could go. I put my hair up in the usual bun and wore some light brown lip gloss. I hadn’t worn make-up of any kind in what seemed like forever since I’d been in my white body so it felt kind of good to put a little gloss on.
“Wow you almost look like your old self, only a little more pale,” Doran joked as he came into the room looking at me.
“Come on babe. I’m trying and this is hard for me,” I sulked.
“You look fine. I think you’ve made a good choice taking the neutral route,” Doran replied as if instinctively knowing my outfit selection process.
“Thanks for noticing that because that’s exactly what I was doing,” I answered.
“So are you about ready? We have to get a move on so we can get a good seat,” Doran asked hurriedly.
“Yeah… I‘m as ready as I’m gonna get. What about you? Are you ready to face this crowd?” I inquired.
“I sure am. We have a great cover story to quell the questions. Since we’re saying you’re family no one will suspect an affair or betrayal to the sistahs so to speak,” Doran answered laughing.
“Yeah I guess you’re right. It should be fine. I keep forgetting about the cover story. In that case it will be fine. I’m ready. Let’s go,” I said grabbing my purse and jacket.
We both headed for the workshop and though I knew that all would be well I was still nervous as hell the entire ride there. I kept playing
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