White Oblivion by Amirah Bellamy

would have my back so I tried not to worry too much about it.
    It was getting late so I decided to get dinner started.  I had a craving for breakfast food so I made breakfast food for dinner.  I pulled out all of the stops.  I made homemade waffles with fresh strawberries and veggie sausages.
    “Dinner is ready!” I yelled to Ina and Doran.
    “Ummmm mom smells like breakfast for dinner, my favorite!” Ina said nearly sprinting into the kitchen. 
    We had an eat-in kitchen with a mid-sized glass round table that seated 4.  I set the waffles, sliced strawberries and sausages in the center of the table along with some freshly squeezed orange and mango juice that I made in the juicer.
    “Wow this feels like the old you is back baby.  This looks good.  I miss meals like this,” Doran said smiling.
    “Yeah so do I.  That’s why I prepared it.  We haven’t done this in a long time, at least not since the change.  It seems like I’ve been this way forever.  I figured waiting for me to change back is stopping me from living now so this is my first step in that direction.  I still gotta live,” I said.    
    “I agree.  You do have to live and I’m happy to see you beginning to do that again,” Doran said as he reached in with his fork to get a waffle. 
    “I’m not saying that I’ve got this thing worked out, but I definitely know that even while I’m mentally coming to grips with this thing I also have to keep living,” I added.
    “Well baby we understand.  We may not be going through what you’re going through, but we’re here with you while you do.  I still don’t know how or why this happened and perhaps we never will.  I’ve been researching this thing to death and have still come up empty.  It seems this really is one of those freak things that just happened.  Have you come across anything yet?  Able to make any sense of what that lady in the mall said?  Gotten any signs or symbols on what may be going on in your meditations?” Doran inquired.
    “Actually I have.  Just yesterday during my meditation I got a strong feeling of being two people.  It was like both of them were extremes and they were at war trying to find their balance.  The feeling was so strong that I almost felt like I was being pulled into opposite directions.  One was so warm and loving while the other gave me a sensation of heaviness.  It was like a Jehkyl and Hyde sensation,” I explained.
    “Hmmm that actually makes a lot of sense in light of what’s going on.  In a lot of ways you are being pulled in two directions.  You’re struggling to maintain your sense of self while also trying to embrace the new set of circumstances you’ve been dealt in light of this change,” Doran suggested.
    Ina was chomping away at the pile of strawberries that she’d piled on top of her waffles while Doran and I talked so she was oblivious to what we were even discussing.
    “I still often look in the mirror though and ask myself, who ARE you?  Cause in a sense I feel like I have no idea.  I feel like what I thought I knew of me I no longer feel so confident in knowing.  It feels like I’m a stranger to myself,” I explained.
    “Well trust me we all feel that way.  I always get the feeling like this is all a dream.  It’s like a dream you just can’t wake yourself up from.  Do you feel that way too?” Doran asked.
    “I sure do babe.  It’s weird.  I always felt that, but I feel it even more now.  I don’t know maybe we are all in a dream,” I said trailing off deep into my own thoughts as I continued eating.
    “Maybe this is the beginning of our waking up.  I think the mere fact that we’re consciously thinking that we are dreaming even suggests that,” Doran added seemingly going deeper into his own thoughts as well. 
    Doran was always a deep brothah.  It’s what drew me to him.  I always loved that he wasn’t one to take on anyone else’s truth but his own.  He had his own ideologies,