Wickham's Diary by Amanda Grange

pressing me. I will have to live by my wits, for I have nothing else left to me, save my charm and my handsome face. And so between the three of them, they must earn me my keep and something more besides. They must earn me my future.

1798

18th August 1798
    Once again I awoke to find a line of creditors at my door. I packed my bags hastily and slipped down the back stairs, only to find them waiting for me there as well.
    And so I find myself in debtor’s prison. I am only surprised I managed to avoid it for so long. My pockets are to let, my bills unpaid, and I have nowhere to turn.

23rd August 1798
    At last! A piece of luck. I heard by chance that the living I should have had is vacant, the incumbent having recently died. I decided I would write to Darcy and remind him of the fact. I told him that I had decided against the law and decided instead to follow my original plan of being ordained and going into the church. I told him, too, that my circumstances were exceedingly bad and reminded him that his father intended me to have the Pemberley living. Then I posted the letter.
    I only hope he helps me soon, for I am tired of kicking my heels in here and want to be out in life once again.

27th August 1798
    I have had a reply from Darcy, and what a reply! To think that the boy I once went swimming with and fishing with could speak to me in such terms! He, who is no better than me, save for the fact that he was born into the Darcy cradle and not the cradle marked Wickham. How dare he? How dare he write me such a letter? How dare he refuse me the living and, what is more, say I am not fit to have it? How dare he refuse to help me, when it will cost him nothing? And how can he sit there in Pemberley, with not a care in the world, and leave me to the mercy of my creditors?
    I was so angry I wrote and told him that his father would be ashamed of him and sent the letter straightaway. Once my anger had cooled I regretted it, for it would do no good and would only rouse his resentment, but it was done and could not be undone.

1799

21st January 1799
    I mastered my anger and wrote again to Darcy, asking him to reconsider and reminding him again that it was his father’s wish I should be provided for—reminding him, too, of the happy times we shared as boys. I only hope I said enough to make him change his mind.

23rd January 1799
    Another refusal from Darcy. Damn him!

27th January 1799
    I have written now three times to Darcy and each time he sends the same reply: that I must not expect anything further from him, that he has helped me all he intends to help me, and that I must now face up to the consequences of my actions and mend my ways before it is too late.
    To hear him preaching to me made my blood boil. I was about to write to him again, angrily, for what did I have to lose, when something happened which distracted me. There was, visiting the prison, a woman who had come to bail out her sister. She cast an approving eye over me and I smiled in return. She spoke to me, I bowed to her, and the upshot is that she paid my bills and I am now living with her in her house.
    ‘Why should I not have a pretty face to look at?’ she asked, as she introduced me comfortably to her friends. ‘I was a good wife to my dear David, God bless him, and now that he’s gone I want a bit of fun.’
    It is a strange turn of events, and not one I wish to last, but for now, she is undemanding, generous, and appreciative, and it will do.

5th February 1799
    I have grown tired of living off Mrs Dawson and her friends and I must think of another way to live. If one last appeal to Darcy does no good then I must find an heiress. And, fortunately, I know where one is to be found, for Anne de Bourgh is in Kent, and so to Kent I am bound.

27th February 1799
    I arrived at the inn shortly after midday and took a room, then set about making discreet enquiries. I hoped to learn at what time Anne went out for her rides, so that I could happen to meet her and