Wild Stars Seeking Midnight Suns by J. California Cooper

end. I still have nothing I can call my own. Not even that damn steam press. I make the money, but he parcels it out to me like I am a child. And I never get to buy anything I really want.”
    In the markets, her heart beat faster as she looked at all the choices. Not because she could buy all she wanted, but because the limit of the money was the limit of choice. She could buy only one of this or one of that, and not the ones she wanted. She would see all the different things that she would love to eat, her mouth would water, but she could not afford them. She could cut corners and save coupons, but the cutting in no way allowed her to purchase much, or anything exciting, from all the choices in the stores.
    Sometimes she just went into a store because the window was so full of appetizing things to drink and eat. She wandered around, looking at the different succulent meats, the breads, the preserves and jams, the wines and champagnes she had read of, but never tasted. In fact, she had never tasted most all of these things.
    When she lived with her family it was always “soul food”; now in her own home, Maddy wanted soul food all the time. Meat and potatos and grease. The small sum of money she had to spend did not allow real choices. She would sigh, “I would really like a lamb chop, with mint jelly, a salad, and a glass of wine with my dinner, just once.” For the few moments, with a little money in her hand, she could allow herself to dream.
    And dream she did. Lily Bea had always been quiet, alone in her world. So now, with any conversation between Maddy and Lily down to bare necessities, she lived in her mind and books. In dreams. He would often watch her for long periods, surreptitiously, longing for her body. Any body, but Lily especially because her body was supposed to belong to him. When saliva had gathered in the hollows of his mouth, he would swallow and ask her, “What you thinkin bout, woman?”
    She would turn her head, almost, to him and answer, “Nothing.” If the answer changed, it was, “Bout this work.”
    During these times he received a special order of delicate silks and laces sent from Mr. Forest, owner of the rich folks’ cleaners, the Epitome Cleaners. His first thought was Lily knew how to do that, so he handed them to her, thinking, “She so smart, she done been to school so much! So do the work then!” All he had left to do were the deliveries.
    As it turned out, when Lily had completed the work, Maddy really was ill. He could not make the delivery. In the past, because he thought Lily was ugly, he had not wanted her to go out among his better customers. He did not want them to see how his wife looked. “And in them worn out clothes, too,” he said to himself.
    To Lily he said, “Wear your best clothes. You got to go all way crosstown. When you get there, ask for Mr. Forest. I always talk to the owners, if they there, cause I am a owner. If he ain’t there just give it to whoever at the counter. They will give you a check; take it and come directly back here with it. Don’t say nothin to him and don’t say nothin to anyone else.”
    She always obeyed. Not from fear. Just, what else could she do? Her spirit was so worn down, so tired, she didn’t even care about being ugly anymore. “Anyway, people don’t seem to see me, and they don’t even stare at me at all, anymore. Besides, so what if people do stare at me?”
    In fact, I had noticed that despite Lily Bea’s dissatisfaction with sex, almost an abhorrence of it, her body, her skin, exuded a faint misty aura of sexuality to men. Women could see it, too. I did. It seemed like you could almost touch it. It might have come from the fact that her body wanted to be loved. I know she liked Robert Earner, but they never got near that far along in their unexpected feelings. Didn’t have a chance, I guess. But, sometimes if you can’t let a thing out, it will come out on its own. The sexual aura was there. Maybe that was why some