queer looks I got from neighbors and relatives. Some snickered behind my back, some in front, but their snide comments were insufficient to penetrate my numb gloom. I chucked the marketing job offer that had come my way in the college campus recruitment. My parents were heartbroken but faced it boldly.
I visited nearby holy places, but couldn't intrinsically enjoy the serene atmosphere there. My morose, lovelorn mind was elsewhere. I had a suspicion I was a sham in spirituality, regularly daydreaming of miracles that would unite me with Shalini in the future. With this clandestine purpose in mind I tried chanting God's names.
After I entered the spiritual fold and hobnobbed with likeminded folks in pilgrimage places, I came across well versed academicians, educationists, businessman and people from literally all walks of life, compelled or convinced by their experiences to pursue spiritual tidings. There were some others who’d been conned by crafty monks to part with their money in the name of religion. There were all kinds who visited holy places. I wondered how many would persevere on the path they’d undertaken. How many were sincere seekers? And how many shams like me? How many had carried their material ambitions into the spiritual seclusion of these pilgrimage places out of sheer frustration, as I’d done?
After spending some time practicing spirituality at such places, I returned home to keep a furtive watch on her. I’d sometimes stealthily borrow my father's old, secondhand car to drop her to college. Father’s office was close by and he usually walked down. In any case, his earnings were not so handsome as to pay for the cost of gas for driving even the short distance to office on a daily basis.
Alongside studying for her graduation in economics, Shalini was also preparing for KIM entrance exam to study MBA at one of the Kuber Institutes of Management and enrolled in a local training institute for the purpose. The summer would decide her fate, whether she got selected to an MBA course following her graduation or dropped the idea altogether to settle down- hopefully with me.
"Alright!" I said with exasperation as I drove her one evening to the training institute she’d enrolled in, to prepare for the KIM entrance exam. The heavy office traffic outside was in my favor. It allowed me to drive slowly, giving me sufficient time to resolve matters of the heart with her. "You refused my proposal once.”
“What do you mean by once ?” she asked, apparently taken aback. “Isn't once enough?”
But I wasn’t to be deterred so easily. “One day you'll marry someone- won't you?”
She regarded me silently, without replying. We had stopped at a traffic light and I was in no hurry to start.
“Won't you marry someone?” I persisted, turning to her for comment.
But she kept listening impassively, without offering comment, leaving me to complete my sentence if I wished. I felt unsettled by her direct gaze. My heart skipped a beat at her nearness and beauty. For a moment I wanted to embrace her tightly.
“If you will marry someone- then why not marry me?" I said brightly, pouncing on what seemed like an obvious solution. “Why waste your time- and mine- in further studies? This is your final year at college. You’ll soon become a graduate. Isn’t it enough? Why study MBA after that and waste two more years?”
I was ready to head for a temple or marriage bureau right away- wherever she wanted- and marry her. But she appeared in no hurry to decide and neither seemed to share my vision or enthusiasm. Instead she sighed. Meanwhile the lights turned green, forcing me to move.
"Don't sound like a beggar, RK," was her prompt rejoinder. "Have some dignity. Just because you sometimes drive me to college in your father's shabby car, don't get ideas. Do you think the bribe is enough to secure a pretty girl's 'yes'?" She gazed at the traffic outside. “And don’t drive so slowly, RK. I’ll miss my first
I visited nearby holy places, but couldn't intrinsically enjoy the serene atmosphere there. My morose, lovelorn mind was elsewhere. I had a suspicion I was a sham in spirituality, regularly daydreaming of miracles that would unite me with Shalini in the future. With this clandestine purpose in mind I tried chanting God's names.
After I entered the spiritual fold and hobnobbed with likeminded folks in pilgrimage places, I came across well versed academicians, educationists, businessman and people from literally all walks of life, compelled or convinced by their experiences to pursue spiritual tidings. There were some others who’d been conned by crafty monks to part with their money in the name of religion. There were all kinds who visited holy places. I wondered how many would persevere on the path they’d undertaken. How many were sincere seekers? And how many shams like me? How many had carried their material ambitions into the spiritual seclusion of these pilgrimage places out of sheer frustration, as I’d done?
After spending some time practicing spirituality at such places, I returned home to keep a furtive watch on her. I’d sometimes stealthily borrow my father's old, secondhand car to drop her to college. Father’s office was close by and he usually walked down. In any case, his earnings were not so handsome as to pay for the cost of gas for driving even the short distance to office on a daily basis.
Alongside studying for her graduation in economics, Shalini was also preparing for KIM entrance exam to study MBA at one of the Kuber Institutes of Management and enrolled in a local training institute for the purpose. The summer would decide her fate, whether she got selected to an MBA course following her graduation or dropped the idea altogether to settle down- hopefully with me.
"Alright!" I said with exasperation as I drove her one evening to the training institute she’d enrolled in, to prepare for the KIM entrance exam. The heavy office traffic outside was in my favor. It allowed me to drive slowly, giving me sufficient time to resolve matters of the heart with her. "You refused my proposal once.”
“What do you mean by once ?” she asked, apparently taken aback. “Isn't once enough?”
But I wasn’t to be deterred so easily. “One day you'll marry someone- won't you?”
She regarded me silently, without replying. We had stopped at a traffic light and I was in no hurry to start.
“Won't you marry someone?” I persisted, turning to her for comment.
But she kept listening impassively, without offering comment, leaving me to complete my sentence if I wished. I felt unsettled by her direct gaze. My heart skipped a beat at her nearness and beauty. For a moment I wanted to embrace her tightly.
“If you will marry someone- then why not marry me?" I said brightly, pouncing on what seemed like an obvious solution. “Why waste your time- and mine- in further studies? This is your final year at college. You’ll soon become a graduate. Isn’t it enough? Why study MBA after that and waste two more years?”
I was ready to head for a temple or marriage bureau right away- wherever she wanted- and marry her. But she appeared in no hurry to decide and neither seemed to share my vision or enthusiasm. Instead she sighed. Meanwhile the lights turned green, forcing me to move.
"Don't sound like a beggar, RK," was her prompt rejoinder. "Have some dignity. Just because you sometimes drive me to college in your father's shabby car, don't get ideas. Do you think the bribe is enough to secure a pretty girl's 'yes'?" She gazed at the traffic outside. “And don’t drive so slowly, RK. I’ll miss my first
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