Woman Walks into a Bar by Rowan Coleman

further, keeping me going and making me live .
    I used to try and imagine, just after Adam had left, what my life would have been like if I hadn’t had her so young, but I couldn’t. Since the first moment I held her, she had been my heartbeat.
    It’s funny to think that if things hadn’t happened the way they did, if I had just kept my head down at school and taken my exams like I was supposed to, then I never would have met Adam. I never would have got pregnant just before I turned sixteen.
    But I didn’t keep my head down and do my exams.
    I fell in love with Luke Goddard instead.

Ten
    I was so in love with Luke Goddard. There was something about him that made my insides bubble when I looked at him, he was so confident and dishy. Yes, “dishy” was the word we used back then. Luke Goddard was a dish.
    But I wasn’t the only one in love with him. All the girls at school fancied him, and he knew it.
    I knew I’d be the last one he’d look at. It didn’t stop me dreaming, though. I day­dreamed about it so often that I was so shocked the day he asked me out I had to pinch myself hard.
    â€œMe?” I’d asked him, looking over my shoulder for someone else.
    â€œYeah,” he said, smiling at me. “You’re really pretty. Meet me down the park after school. We’ll go for a walk. But don’t tell anyone yet, OK? Let’s keep it to ourselves for now.”
    And I didn’t tell anyone I was meeting Luke Goddard, not even Joy, because I was sure that if I went to meet him it was probably just a set-up. I’d turn up at the park and it would be empty or, worse, full of his mates jeering and laughing. And Joy would think that, too, so I didn’t tell her because I wanted it to go well.
    Looking back, I think I must have read too many of those photo-story comics, the ones where the plain Jane always ends up with the dishy guy at the disco. I kidded myself that happy endings like that happened in real life, too.
    When I got to the park and saw that he was sitting on the swings waiting for me, I remember feeling scared by how happy I felt.
    â€œAll right?” he said.
    â€œYeah,” I said.
    He stood up.
    â€œDo you want to be my girlfriend?” he said.
    â€œOK,” I said. It wasn’t how it went in my magazines, but it was still the most exciting thing anybody had ever said to me.
    â€œCome on, then,” he said. He took my hand and led me toward the back of the park where there was a little bit of woodland. When we got there I saw that he’d laid out a blanket on top of the dried leaves. I just looked at it.
    â€œWhat’s that for?” I said.
    â€œCome on,” he said. And he kissed me.
    Luke Goddard was a good kisser. I’d never been kissed before and I didn’t know what it would be like. But the way he kissed me was lovely. It was a warm evening. I felt the heat of the setting sun on my cheeks. We kissed for a long time before anything else happened.
    â€œI’ve always liked you,” Luke Goddard said, resting the palm of his hand on my chest. “Can I . . .?” he asked me.
    I let him because he was gentle and tender and because I wanted him to. His hands shook as he unbuttoned my shirt, and when I took off my bra the look on his face made me feel beautiful.
    He asked me if I’d let him do other things and I did because I was happy. Happy to have Luke Goddard kissing and touching as we lay on the blanket in the warmth of the setting sun. He asked me if I really was his girlfriend. He sounded worried that I might change my mind.
    â€œI am, I am,” I whispered. He said he wanted to “do it” with me and I knew what he meant. He said he’d be really careful and I wouldn’t have to worry because no one gets pregnant the first time they do it. He said that he loved me.
    I don’t think even then I really believed it was true, but I didn’t care because