couldn’t.
I didn’t know if I wanted him to or not, which was part of the problem. Uncertainty was okay—when you didn’t just have sex for the first time with a guy that you couldn’t seem to keep your hands off no matter how hard you tried and who had a way of worming into your thoughts even when you were dating someone else.
But when this was the case, I was pretty sure uncertainty was a problem. If I didn’t want to lock lips with him, then was it really a good date? If I wasn’t dying to have his arms wrapped around me—and not just because it was cold outside—then was there any point in taking this any farther?
The answers to those questions were actually pretty clear to me and under normal circumstances I would accept them. Clearly, Derek was not the guy on my mind and definitely not the one I really wanted. But he was the one I should want. He was the sweet guy who was going places, a future in sight and a plan backed by determination in his head. He was the practical choice, while Logan was a wild card that was destined to drag me right back to where I couldn’t afford to be anymore.
Which was why when Derek finally decided and leaned towards me, I let him fit his lips over mine. I even closed my eyes and enjoyed it, his soft lips warm and just a little moist as his mouth opened ever so slightly. His hands cupped my cheeks and that felt good, too. I focused on how he felt, his body near to mine, the way he smelled, the heat spreading through my skin at the points of contact between our two bodies.
It felt good and if I focused on that, I easily lost myself.
He pulled away after a moment, leaving the kiss warm and most definitely interested, but not full of raging, unquenchable passion. Which was probably a good thing, because I wasn’t ready for that again.
“I had a really good time,” he said in a low, soft voice. He brushed away a piece of hair from my face. “And I’d like to do it again sometime. Soon. Like maybe tomorrow night?”
I hesitated. I’d had a good time, but did I really want another date so soon?
“The day after tomorrow?” he revised, clearly eager for another date.
I smiled, but didn’t give him an answer immediately. I still felt a little weird about dating Derek. Not because he wasn’t a great guy or because I wasn’t attracted to him. He was both of those things and I found myself liking him more and more with each thing he said to me. But there was something bugging me about all of this.
I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
“The day after that,” he tried once more. His expression was so earnest, his face full of hope.
Letting out a sigh, still smiling, I nodded. “I have some studying to do this week, but I think we can work something out for Wednesday night, if that works for you?”
He nodded after only half a second, eager to have a second date. “Absolutely. How about five? I know this great pizza place…”
Pushing up on my tip toes, I placed a kiss on his cheek and smiled at him once more. “Sounds great. I’ll see you then.” Then I headed inside, closing the door behind me. He watched me until the door was completely shut, that goofy, excited look on his face staying there as though frozen the entire time.
Still smiling a little, I locked the door and headed up the stairs towards my room. Kass wasn’t around—which was good for me, because it really was a little awkward to be discussing how my date with her brother went—so I headed straight to my room.
Closing and locking the door behind me, I went to the bathroom to wash off my make-up. I scrubbed at my face until it was shiny, pink, and clean. I didn’t want any of the residue coming off when I slipped out of my dress—this one happened to be easier to take off by pulling it over my head and the last thing I wanted to do was get foundation all over it.
When I was all cleaned up, I went back into my room and stripped out of my dress, pulling it up over my head and throwing it
I didn’t know if I wanted him to or not, which was part of the problem. Uncertainty was okay—when you didn’t just have sex for the first time with a guy that you couldn’t seem to keep your hands off no matter how hard you tried and who had a way of worming into your thoughts even when you were dating someone else.
But when this was the case, I was pretty sure uncertainty was a problem. If I didn’t want to lock lips with him, then was it really a good date? If I wasn’t dying to have his arms wrapped around me—and not just because it was cold outside—then was there any point in taking this any farther?
The answers to those questions were actually pretty clear to me and under normal circumstances I would accept them. Clearly, Derek was not the guy on my mind and definitely not the one I really wanted. But he was the one I should want. He was the sweet guy who was going places, a future in sight and a plan backed by determination in his head. He was the practical choice, while Logan was a wild card that was destined to drag me right back to where I couldn’t afford to be anymore.
Which was why when Derek finally decided and leaned towards me, I let him fit his lips over mine. I even closed my eyes and enjoyed it, his soft lips warm and just a little moist as his mouth opened ever so slightly. His hands cupped my cheeks and that felt good, too. I focused on how he felt, his body near to mine, the way he smelled, the heat spreading through my skin at the points of contact between our two bodies.
It felt good and if I focused on that, I easily lost myself.
He pulled away after a moment, leaving the kiss warm and most definitely interested, but not full of raging, unquenchable passion. Which was probably a good thing, because I wasn’t ready for that again.
“I had a really good time,” he said in a low, soft voice. He brushed away a piece of hair from my face. “And I’d like to do it again sometime. Soon. Like maybe tomorrow night?”
I hesitated. I’d had a good time, but did I really want another date so soon?
“The day after tomorrow?” he revised, clearly eager for another date.
I smiled, but didn’t give him an answer immediately. I still felt a little weird about dating Derek. Not because he wasn’t a great guy or because I wasn’t attracted to him. He was both of those things and I found myself liking him more and more with each thing he said to me. But there was something bugging me about all of this.
I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
“The day after that,” he tried once more. His expression was so earnest, his face full of hope.
Letting out a sigh, still smiling, I nodded. “I have some studying to do this week, but I think we can work something out for Wednesday night, if that works for you?”
He nodded after only half a second, eager to have a second date. “Absolutely. How about five? I know this great pizza place…”
Pushing up on my tip toes, I placed a kiss on his cheek and smiled at him once more. “Sounds great. I’ll see you then.” Then I headed inside, closing the door behind me. He watched me until the door was completely shut, that goofy, excited look on his face staying there as though frozen the entire time.
Still smiling a little, I locked the door and headed up the stairs towards my room. Kass wasn’t around—which was good for me, because it really was a little awkward to be discussing how my date with her brother went—so I headed straight to my room.
Closing and locking the door behind me, I went to the bathroom to wash off my make-up. I scrubbed at my face until it was shiny, pink, and clean. I didn’t want any of the residue coming off when I slipped out of my dress—this one happened to be easier to take off by pulling it over my head and the last thing I wanted to do was get foundation all over it.
When I was all cleaned up, I went back into my room and stripped out of my dress, pulling it up over my head and throwing it
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