incredibly sexy about looking at Scott, shiny with sweat and spent from exertion. Then, without knowing how it happened, they locked gazes and he found himself staring into those blue-green eyes. Scott's look was penetrating, searing, and...something else. His focus was centered directly on Derek and there was no hint of uncertainty or discomfort.
Suddenly, Derek saw the quality he hadn't been able to place.
It was desire, wrestling beneath the surface, but clearly there. There was something in those eyes that let Derek know that Scott wanted something more from him than casual 56
Wrestling With Desire
by D.H. Starr
friendship. What that was, Derek wasn't sure, but he was determined to find out. Scott was someone he wanted to get to know better.
As suddenly as their eyes locked, they faltered and separated. Scott jumped up and offered Derek his hand, helping him to his feet. As connected as they had been just seconds earlier, now Derek felt a distance between them, as if Scott had put up a wall. "Thanks for the run. I'll see you tomorrow in school." And with no further comment, he turned and started jogging home.
"Sounds good," Derek said to his retreating back. Derek put his hands on his knees and tried to calm the rising adrenaline he felt coursing through his veins. What was that?
I swear if we held that stare for another minute I would have jumped him right here. He stood up, still winded, but feeling more stable on his feet.
[Back to Table of Contents]
57
Wrestling With Desire
by D.H. Starr
Chapter 4
Dinner was a blur as Derek responded mindlessly to his parents questions about school. His thoughts were focused on Scott. The whole day had actually turned out completely different than he had expected it to. Wrestling was the only thing that had caused him to feel the charge of excitement and nervousness that he had felt all day. But that was because he loved wrestling. He cared about it more than anything else. When he got on the mat, he felt like he was stepping into a world designed just for him. And when the season ended, he felt a sense of loss. Just like I did when I wasn't around Scott today.
A piece of the puzzle clicked into place inside Derek's head and he suddenly needed to be alone. Excusing himself, he went to his room and turned on his stereo, playing Gavin DeGraw's Chariot , the acoustic version. The combination of the vocals and the guitar penetrated Derek's whirring thoughts and slowly eased his mind. As his tension began to subside, he fell back onto his bed. The same phrase was repeating itself in his head and he had to fight to cut himself off before finishing it. The only thing I have loved, that has made me feel like this, is wrestling. But now...
He wouldn't allow himself to finish the thought. Heat rushed up and down his spine, and he wasn't sure whether it was caused by nerves or excitement. He had spent years protecting himself from getting hurt. He had become an expert at blending into the background, keeping secrets, and 58
Wrestling With Desire
by D.H. Starr
not being noticed. He had come to depend on his guard, but now it was crumbling before his eyes. Scott was breaking past every barrier he had ever built as if passing through air.
And Derek wasn't trying to prevent it. Digging deep, Derek had to admit that he wanted Scott to succeed.
It was too much. Rather than continuing to think, he allowed the music and Gavin's voice to override any other thoughts. Thinking, admitting things to himself, it was all too scary. Music was a constant that he could count on. As he lay in bed, Gavin sang to him, lulling him, until at some point, he drifted to sleep.
It was dark and he was walking along the Charles River.
Arriving at the Foot Bridge, he decided to stand and watch the moon reflect and dance over the soft movement of the water.
The night was dark and warm and he was alone. Looking around he realized how still the evening was and that none of the street lamps were lit.
Suddenly, Derek saw the quality he hadn't been able to place.
It was desire, wrestling beneath the surface, but clearly there. There was something in those eyes that let Derek know that Scott wanted something more from him than casual 56
Wrestling With Desire
by D.H. Starr
friendship. What that was, Derek wasn't sure, but he was determined to find out. Scott was someone he wanted to get to know better.
As suddenly as their eyes locked, they faltered and separated. Scott jumped up and offered Derek his hand, helping him to his feet. As connected as they had been just seconds earlier, now Derek felt a distance between them, as if Scott had put up a wall. "Thanks for the run. I'll see you tomorrow in school." And with no further comment, he turned and started jogging home.
"Sounds good," Derek said to his retreating back. Derek put his hands on his knees and tried to calm the rising adrenaline he felt coursing through his veins. What was that?
I swear if we held that stare for another minute I would have jumped him right here. He stood up, still winded, but feeling more stable on his feet.
[Back to Table of Contents]
57
Wrestling With Desire
by D.H. Starr
Chapter 4
Dinner was a blur as Derek responded mindlessly to his parents questions about school. His thoughts were focused on Scott. The whole day had actually turned out completely different than he had expected it to. Wrestling was the only thing that had caused him to feel the charge of excitement and nervousness that he had felt all day. But that was because he loved wrestling. He cared about it more than anything else. When he got on the mat, he felt like he was stepping into a world designed just for him. And when the season ended, he felt a sense of loss. Just like I did when I wasn't around Scott today.
A piece of the puzzle clicked into place inside Derek's head and he suddenly needed to be alone. Excusing himself, he went to his room and turned on his stereo, playing Gavin DeGraw's Chariot , the acoustic version. The combination of the vocals and the guitar penetrated Derek's whirring thoughts and slowly eased his mind. As his tension began to subside, he fell back onto his bed. The same phrase was repeating itself in his head and he had to fight to cut himself off before finishing it. The only thing I have loved, that has made me feel like this, is wrestling. But now...
He wouldn't allow himself to finish the thought. Heat rushed up and down his spine, and he wasn't sure whether it was caused by nerves or excitement. He had spent years protecting himself from getting hurt. He had become an expert at blending into the background, keeping secrets, and 58
Wrestling With Desire
by D.H. Starr
not being noticed. He had come to depend on his guard, but now it was crumbling before his eyes. Scott was breaking past every barrier he had ever built as if passing through air.
And Derek wasn't trying to prevent it. Digging deep, Derek had to admit that he wanted Scott to succeed.
It was too much. Rather than continuing to think, he allowed the music and Gavin's voice to override any other thoughts. Thinking, admitting things to himself, it was all too scary. Music was a constant that he could count on. As he lay in bed, Gavin sang to him, lulling him, until at some point, he drifted to sleep.
It was dark and he was walking along the Charles River.
Arriving at the Foot Bridge, he decided to stand and watch the moon reflect and dance over the soft movement of the water.
The night was dark and warm and he was alone. Looking around he realized how still the evening was and that none of the street lamps were lit.
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