and spent my time conjuring every different kind of musical instrument I could think of, in the hope that, well, you know. They fade out after a day or so, so they didn’t clutter the house. Then the Good Magician visited me and urged me to undertake a Quest.”
“He didn’t just promise that you’d find your playable instrument,” she said wisely. “What else was there?”
He had to answer, now that she had put it directly. “He said that I’d have two or maybe even three girlfriends, one of whom would be a bad girl.”
“Two or three?” she asked in a chilly tone.
“Well, I never had a girlfriend,” he said defensively. “Maybe they’re backlogged.”
“And you think about the bad girl. Who is she?”
“Maybe the Goddess Isis. Though I can’t think why she’d have any interest in me.”
“That is a curiosity,” she agreed.
“And he said I might make a difference in Xanth, apart from helping five other folk to realize their wishes. So I’m here.”
She nodded. “You couldn’t say no. Because underneath all your ineptitude and stubbornness you’re a decent guy.”
“I hope so.”
“My turn. Twenty years ago my mother was lost in the forest; she had taken a wrong turn and couldn’t find the right one. She was frightened and thirsty, so when she came across a small clear pond she squatted down to dip out some water with her hand and sip it. It gave her a really odd feeling. Then a tomcat came, chasing a rabbit. The rabbit leaped right over the pond, and the cat fell in, just as the cunning bunny had intended. Mother went to help him get out, because cats don’t usually swim well. Too late they both realized that it was a love spring.”
“Ooh, my,” Hapless breathed.
“Right. By the time they scrambled out of the water, they had signaled the stork several times. They couldn’t help it; love springs don’t take no for an answer. Tom ran off into the brush, and Mom waded out the other side. She found a path and made her way home, but in due course the stork found her—they can be uncanny about such things—and delivered me. This was awkward because Mom wasn’t married and she had told no one about her incident in the spring. That made her a bit of a pariah, because the other villagers suspected. She had to raise me alone. It didn’t help that I had this weird hair.”
“I think it’s pretty.”
“What, as pretty as my—”
“Stop it! I’m not trying to insult you. You won’t let me be positive.”
She considered that. “I guess maybe I am a bit oversensitive. All the boys teased me cruelly about my hair. It didn’t help that when I discovered my talent, which is to assume either human or feline form, my cat fur was the same color as my hair. Sure it made sense, but I wish both had been ordinary dull brown. I alternated weeks with my father, who worked in the Catnip and Catapult Works, but he didn’t take me to work with him because the cats razzed him about my colors; he was ashamed of me, and blamed it on my mother. My mother blamed it on my father. I don’t know where my colors came from. Whoever heard of a blue cat, let alone a blue striped one? So it wasn’t much of a childhood or kitten-hood. At times I wished they’d never run afoul of that love spring.”
“You had it worse than I did,” Hapless said. “I’d have felt the same way.”
She flashed him a smile of appreciation in the darkness; he felt its brief warmth. “Then when I came of age I got my curves, in both my forms. Then the boys’ attitudes changed, but not for the better. Now all they wanted was to get their hands or whatever on my curves. But I knew them, and remembered their endless taunts. They were not worth my while. If there had been one halfway decent male among them in childhood, I might have been satisfied to let him touch my curves, but there had been none. It wasn’t any better with the local tomcats; all they wanted was one thing, and they meant to have it regardless of my
“He didn’t just promise that you’d find your playable instrument,” she said wisely. “What else was there?”
He had to answer, now that she had put it directly. “He said that I’d have two or maybe even three girlfriends, one of whom would be a bad girl.”
“Two or three?” she asked in a chilly tone.
“Well, I never had a girlfriend,” he said defensively. “Maybe they’re backlogged.”
“And you think about the bad girl. Who is she?”
“Maybe the Goddess Isis. Though I can’t think why she’d have any interest in me.”
“That is a curiosity,” she agreed.
“And he said I might make a difference in Xanth, apart from helping five other folk to realize their wishes. So I’m here.”
She nodded. “You couldn’t say no. Because underneath all your ineptitude and stubbornness you’re a decent guy.”
“I hope so.”
“My turn. Twenty years ago my mother was lost in the forest; she had taken a wrong turn and couldn’t find the right one. She was frightened and thirsty, so when she came across a small clear pond she squatted down to dip out some water with her hand and sip it. It gave her a really odd feeling. Then a tomcat came, chasing a rabbit. The rabbit leaped right over the pond, and the cat fell in, just as the cunning bunny had intended. Mother went to help him get out, because cats don’t usually swim well. Too late they both realized that it was a love spring.”
“Ooh, my,” Hapless breathed.
“Right. By the time they scrambled out of the water, they had signaled the stork several times. They couldn’t help it; love springs don’t take no for an answer. Tom ran off into the brush, and Mom waded out the other side. She found a path and made her way home, but in due course the stork found her—they can be uncanny about such things—and delivered me. This was awkward because Mom wasn’t married and she had told no one about her incident in the spring. That made her a bit of a pariah, because the other villagers suspected. She had to raise me alone. It didn’t help that I had this weird hair.”
“I think it’s pretty.”
“What, as pretty as my—”
“Stop it! I’m not trying to insult you. You won’t let me be positive.”
She considered that. “I guess maybe I am a bit oversensitive. All the boys teased me cruelly about my hair. It didn’t help that when I discovered my talent, which is to assume either human or feline form, my cat fur was the same color as my hair. Sure it made sense, but I wish both had been ordinary dull brown. I alternated weeks with my father, who worked in the Catnip and Catapult Works, but he didn’t take me to work with him because the cats razzed him about my colors; he was ashamed of me, and blamed it on my mother. My mother blamed it on my father. I don’t know where my colors came from. Whoever heard of a blue cat, let alone a blue striped one? So it wasn’t much of a childhood or kitten-hood. At times I wished they’d never run afoul of that love spring.”
“You had it worse than I did,” Hapless said. “I’d have felt the same way.”
She flashed him a smile of appreciation in the darkness; he felt its brief warmth. “Then when I came of age I got my curves, in both my forms. Then the boys’ attitudes changed, but not for the better. Now all they wanted was to get their hands or whatever on my curves. But I knew them, and remembered their endless taunts. They were not worth my while. If there had been one halfway decent male among them in childhood, I might have been satisfied to let him touch my curves, but there had been none. It wasn’t any better with the local tomcats; all they wanted was one thing, and they meant to have it regardless of my
Similar Books
