Year of Impossible Goodbyes

Year of Impossible Goodbyes by Sook Nyul Choi Page B

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Authors: Sook Nyul Choi
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outside. I heard Mother moan helplessly, "Oh, Lord, Oh, Lord ... Merciful Lord..."

    The dark sky broke loose with a crack of thunder and a bolt of lightning. It started to pour. How I wished a huge thunderbolt would strike right where Captain Narita and the soldiers stood. Oblivious of the torrential downpour, the girls started sobbing. "I wish I were dead, I wish I were dead," I heard several of them whimper. They clutched one another in desperation. Huddled together in the pouring rain, they looked like helpless animals. I wished that just this once, I could run out and beat up Captain Narita. But I couldn't move. I sat there watching with tears streaming down my face.
    "You should all be very proud and honored that it is now your turn to serve Our Heavenly Emperor. You will give the soldiers the special spirit to fight harder against the White Devils," said Captain Narita cheerfully. "Our Heavenly Emperor will be happy that you volunteered to help the soldiers. Now get into the truck and get out of this rain." The two soldiers began to herd the girls toward the truck. Some screamed and fell to the muddy ground, but were jabbed with guns and forced onto the truck.
    "Please do not take them ... some of them are not even fifteen," Mother implored. "The older ones have babies and old grandparents at home to take care of." Captain Narita smiled for an instant, showing a row of crooked teeth, and then motioned for his lieutenants to hurry as he looked up at the black sky.
    I saw Haiwon being pushed toward the truck. I heard her cry just as she had on her birthday. Only this time, her cry was more faint, as though she could not even muster the courage to go on any longer.

    I saw Okja spit at the soldier who was jabbing her in the ribs with his gun as he tried to get her onto the truck. The angry soldier lifted his gun to hit her. Like lightning, Kisa shot out from nowhere and kept the soldier from hitting her. The soldier dealt a blow to Kisa instead, who fell to the ground screaming. Okja tried to run to Kisa, but the soldier grabbed Okja and tossed her onto the truck like a dead cat. The other soldier kicked Kisa in the ribs. Kisa lay doubled over in the mud crying out to the girls. Captain Narita looked at him with disgust and shouted to the driver. The truck pulled away and sped off in the darkness of the storm. I knew better than to go outside. From the door of Grandfathers room, I saw my mother standing in the rain, wringing her hands.
    Aunt Tiger brought Kisa inside and began bandaging his head. "What made you think you could fight the soldiers with their guns and swords?" Aunt Tiger said. "Haven't you seen enough ... how they kill us like flies?" I sat down next to them, and I wanted to ask Aunt Tiger where the girls were being taken and what would happen to them. But I felt it was silly to ask. Wherever they were being taken, I could tell it was a fate even worse than death.
    Kisa wept uncontrollably, and said, "I will never see those girls again ... I couldn't save even one of them."
    "It was only a matter of time," Aunt Tiger said. "You knew this day would come sooner or later."

    "Maybe we will all see each other again. Maybe the war will end soon and they'll return to us," added Mother, as she came inside. When she saw me, she rushed over and held me tightly as if she wanted to squeeze all the fear out of me and said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry ... We could truly use one miracle now, just one miracle." Mother's hot tears fell upon my forehead. Her voice was shaking and her body trembled. She was burning up with fever, and she shivered in her wet clothes. I touched her rough hands. All that frantic work had not done any good. It didn't matter how many socks they made. The Japanese could do whatever they wanted and no one could stop them.
    From my bed, I heard the Lord's Prayer. I got up and peeked into Mother's room, and there, gathered around a candle and a small crucifix, were Mother, Aunt Tiger, and Kisa.

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