You Found Me by Joel Cobbs Page A

e ot h e r s o n the ir w ay t o w o rk o r s o m eth i n g al on g t h o se l i ne s. I ' v e n e ve r un d e r s too d t h e one s th at w e ar s u i t s a n d t i e s f o r j o b i n t e r v i e ws the r e . I w o r e j e a n s f o r my i nt e r v i e w. I s a w n o po i n t i n f a k i n g w h o I r e a l ly w a s, a n d I w as h ir e d. Of a ll th e s u i t s I ' v e b e e n f o r c e d i nto , th i s w a s th e on ly on e I h al f way li ke d.
    I did n 't w a n t t o w e ar it t o my o wn m ot h e r 's f un e r al tho u gh . I did n 't e v e n wa n t t o g o t o he r f un e ra l, bu t th at w a s a l r e ady o u t o f my h a n ds. I j u st s t a r e d at it f o r a m i nu t e . I w a nte d t o bu r n i t . T o t h r o w it a way a n d p r ay I 'd nev e r s e e it a g ai n . B u t I did n ' t . I c ou ld n ' t . I g o t u p a n d made my w ay t o th e s ho w e r .
    I w al ke d i n t o th e b a th r o o m a n d l oo k e d a t my f ac e .  I t w a s te r r i b l e , j u st t e rr i b l e . I l ook e d as i f I w a s hun g ov e r , s tone d, a n d s ho t a ll in th e s a me n i g h t . I s t ill h ad my g l a s s e s on , w h ich I p r o b a b ly w ou ld w e ar t o th e f un e ra l. I f I p u t my c on t ac t s in I w ou ld l oo k eve n w o r s e , a s su mi n g I c ou ld g e t the m i n .
    I w a s so t ir e d, so d i l u t e d. I f e lt li k e I w as n 't w ho l e , li k e s o m eth i n g w a s go n e .  S o m eo n e .  I w a nte d t o d i e , bu t I c ou ld n ' t . I j u st c ou ld n ' t . I did n 't w a n t t o m i ss o u t o n a nyth i n g th at mi gh t h a ppe n . I j u st w a nte d t o w a k e u p fr o m th is n i ght m are t h at w as c o n s u mi n g m e ; e a t i n g me a l i v e .
    I g o t in th e s ho w e r a n d j u st l e t th e wa te r r un . I t w a s bu r n i n g . I did n 't w a n t it t o s top . I hu rt so m u c h . E v e r yth i n g i n side o f me hu r t .
    E v e r yth i n g i n side me w as s c r e a m i n g . I j u st w a n t e d t h e p ain t o g o a wa y . W h y w ou ld n 't it g o a wa y ? Th e ra ci n g tho u ght s h ad r et u r ne d a n d w e re c o n s u mi n g me on ce a g ai n . Th e b u r n i n g he l pe d. I d id n 't hu r t a s m u c h . Th e wa te r t o o k t h e p ain a wa y . Th e p a in i n sid e . Th e p ain fr o m w h at h ad h a ppe n e d.
    I f e lt li k e I w a s c o m i n g un d o n e .  I c ou ld n 't c on c ent r a t e o n a n y th i ng . I t w a s a ll so b l u r r e d. S o m eho w, n o t r i ght . T h e e a r t h w a s f a l li n g f ast a n d I w as b ar e ly ho ldi n g on .
    T h e wa te r st a r t e d g ett i n g c o ld e r . I t u r ne d it a ll th e w a y . M y s k in w a s sc r e a m i ng . Sc r e ami n g f o r he l p , begg i n g f o r m e r c y . M y s ou l s c r e am e d f o r th e p ain a n d be g ge d a n d be g ge d f o r m o r e .
    I w as to r n . To r n bet w e e n h a t r e d a n d l o v e . I h a te d my m othe r. I h a te d he r. H a t e d, h a te d, H A T ED my m ot h e r . B u t I l ove d he r . I l ove d h e r l i k e n o on e e lse c o u ld h a ve . I h a te d l o v i n g he r a n d l ove d h a t i n g he r. W hy d i d s he d i e? I h at e d her f o r d y in g!
    I w as to r n . To r n bet w e e n m i s s i n g he r a n d w a nt i n g he r go n e . B u t s h e was gone . T h e re w as noth i n g I c ou ld d o . I w a s fi n a lly r id o f he r . B u t s he 's go n e . S he ' l l nev e r b e h e r e a g ai n . I 'll ne v e r he ar he r vo ice a g a i n .
    W he n th e w a t e r w en t c o ld, I go t o ut . I did n 't w a sh a nyth i n g o r eve n m ov e . I g o t i n , st o o d the r e , a n d go t out . I 'm su re i t w o u ld h a v e bee n a goo d i d e a t o at l e ast w a sh my h air o r fac e , bu t I w a s hu r t i n g I did n 't ca r e . I d id n 't w a n t t o h u r t a ny m o r e .
    I s t a r t e d d r y i n g o ff. I h ad t o b e r e a lly c a r e f u l s i n ce I st a r t e d th e s ho w e r s. I f not , I w ou ld r u b m y s e lf a n d hu rt m o