say, finally coming into his line of sight. He doesn’t look nearly as frail as I’d expected. His appearance is weak and tired, but still every bit my Grampy. I pull a chair close to the rail of the bed and take his hand in mine.
“How ya doin’, Old Fart?” I ask, trying to keep the mood as light as possible.
He pulls on his oxygen mask and lowers it slightly so I can hear him. “Better now that you’re here, moonshine.”
My odd nickname goes way back. Grampy sang the song “You Are My Sunshine” to me when I was younger. Ever the cynic, once he finished singing I told him that I was nobody’s sunshine, because sunshiny people are bright, happy, and cheery. I wasn’t any of those. His reply was, “Savannah, even if darkness surrounds you, you still shine plenty bright. Problem is you don’t realize it. Think about it, even if it’s hidden, the moon still shines brightly in the darkest of night skies. If you won’t be my sunshine, then from now on, you’ll be my little moonshine.”
A stabbing pain grips my heart when I notice how hard he has to struggle to get those few words out. I pray my poker face is resolute because Grampy doesn’t need to know how heartbroken I am seeing him in this precarious state.
“Can I get you anything?” I ask, softly stroking his hair.
“Nope, I’m good now that you’re here,” he rasps.
I manage a smile.
“I waited for you,” he continues.
“You waited for me?”
He nods, and with a shaky hand, he reaches for my cheek. “You’re the thing I love most in the world. Remember that, moonshine.”
“Grampy…,” I manage to stammer after swallowing the huge lump that forms in my throat.
“Shhhh. Listen. Forgive yourself and find happiness. Do it for me. I’ll be checking in on you, and I want to see you happy. Lucas….”
“No, Grampy. Don’t.”
“Shhh. I’ll see him. I know it. I’ll take care of him. We’ll go fishing together, even though I hate it. There has to be fishing in heaven, don’t you think?”
His words are killing me, and I struggle to maintain my composure.
“Forgive yourself, Savannah,” he says.
“Grampy, please…”
“Shhh. Your parents will be there, too. I’ll let them know you’re okay. Don’t make a liar out of me. Find your happiness.”
Every inch of me is ready to bolt from the room, but I know I can’t leave. My stomach is on fire, my heart feels as if it is squeezed in a vice, and I feel as though I have a soccer ball lodged in my throat. Every word Grampy says makes the pain even more intense, and I have no idea how to make it better except to beg him to stop.
“No, this is important. You will listen. You’ve beat yourself up since you were a child. Enough. End it. Happy. I want you happy. Promise me.”
“Grampy, I can’t promise that, but I can promise that I’ll try.”
“That’s good enough for me. But, it has to be a real attempt. Nothing half-assed.”
I manage a semi-smile. “Yes, sir.”
“Good. I’m glad we got that out of the way. Now we wait.” He visibly relaxes.
“Grampy…”
“Oh, hush child. I’m not scared. I’m ready. My only regret is not being able to see you like I usually do.”
“Are you sure I can’t get you anything?”
“I’m sure. I’m tired. I’m gonna close my eyes for a few minutes.”
“Okay, Grampy. I’ll be right here,” I say, continuing to stroke his soft, snow white hair. And that’s how I remained until the room slowly filled with darkness. A soft rap at the door startles me. Fully expecting a nurse, I’m shocked to see Fletcher enter the room.
Very softly, he whispers, “I’m sorry to intrude, but I was worried about you because you didn’t answer the door when I showed up for our date. I called Ben, who passed the phone to Lizzy, and she told me where to find you. I brought you some supper, some snacks,
“How ya doin’, Old Fart?” I ask, trying to keep the mood as light as possible.
He pulls on his oxygen mask and lowers it slightly so I can hear him. “Better now that you’re here, moonshine.”
My odd nickname goes way back. Grampy sang the song “You Are My Sunshine” to me when I was younger. Ever the cynic, once he finished singing I told him that I was nobody’s sunshine, because sunshiny people are bright, happy, and cheery. I wasn’t any of those. His reply was, “Savannah, even if darkness surrounds you, you still shine plenty bright. Problem is you don’t realize it. Think about it, even if it’s hidden, the moon still shines brightly in the darkest of night skies. If you won’t be my sunshine, then from now on, you’ll be my little moonshine.”
A stabbing pain grips my heart when I notice how hard he has to struggle to get those few words out. I pray my poker face is resolute because Grampy doesn’t need to know how heartbroken I am seeing him in this precarious state.
“Can I get you anything?” I ask, softly stroking his hair.
“Nope, I’m good now that you’re here,” he rasps.
I manage a smile.
“I waited for you,” he continues.
“You waited for me?”
He nods, and with a shaky hand, he reaches for my cheek. “You’re the thing I love most in the world. Remember that, moonshine.”
“Grampy…,” I manage to stammer after swallowing the huge lump that forms in my throat.
“Shhhh. Listen. Forgive yourself and find happiness. Do it for me. I’ll be checking in on you, and I want to see you happy. Lucas….”
“No, Grampy. Don’t.”
“Shhh. I’ll see him. I know it. I’ll take care of him. We’ll go fishing together, even though I hate it. There has to be fishing in heaven, don’t you think?”
His words are killing me, and I struggle to maintain my composure.
“Forgive yourself, Savannah,” he says.
“Grampy, please…”
“Shhh. Your parents will be there, too. I’ll let them know you’re okay. Don’t make a liar out of me. Find your happiness.”
Every inch of me is ready to bolt from the room, but I know I can’t leave. My stomach is on fire, my heart feels as if it is squeezed in a vice, and I feel as though I have a soccer ball lodged in my throat. Every word Grampy says makes the pain even more intense, and I have no idea how to make it better except to beg him to stop.
“No, this is important. You will listen. You’ve beat yourself up since you were a child. Enough. End it. Happy. I want you happy. Promise me.”
“Grampy, I can’t promise that, but I can promise that I’ll try.”
“That’s good enough for me. But, it has to be a real attempt. Nothing half-assed.”
I manage a semi-smile. “Yes, sir.”
“Good. I’m glad we got that out of the way. Now we wait.” He visibly relaxes.
“Grampy…”
“Oh, hush child. I’m not scared. I’m ready. My only regret is not being able to see you like I usually do.”
“Are you sure I can’t get you anything?”
“I’m sure. I’m tired. I’m gonna close my eyes for a few minutes.”
“Okay, Grampy. I’ll be right here,” I say, continuing to stroke his soft, snow white hair. And that’s how I remained until the room slowly filled with darkness. A soft rap at the door startles me. Fully expecting a nurse, I’m shocked to see Fletcher enter the room.
Very softly, he whispers, “I’m sorry to intrude, but I was worried about you because you didn’t answer the door when I showed up for our date. I called Ben, who passed the phone to Lizzy, and she told me where to find you. I brought you some supper, some snacks,
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