Zombie Rules by David Achord Page B

as people could not seem to grasp what was happening. It was the government, they’d shout. Somehow, it was always the government’s fault.
                  The President gave a live speech promptly at six o’clock. I turned the volume up on the TV. “My fellow Americans,” He began.
                  “Oh shit, here it comes. Get ready to bend over fellow Americans. BOHICA!” Rick yelled.
                  “I am speaking to you this evening from the confines of Air Force One. As you may now know, the world has been beset upon by a deadly illness of pandemic proportions…”
                  “Well no shit, Sherlock.”
                  “...I have activated all military units, personnel with FEMA, and the CDC…”
                  “You should have done that weeks ago, numb nuts.”
                  “…This morning, I called upon Congress to join with me in enacting martial law…” Rick looked at me. I nodded in understanding.
                  “…We must have faith, perseverance, and work together if we are to survive…”
                  “Oh I believe you pal, you’ve helped out so much already.” Rick’s running commentary prevented me from hearing the majority of the speech. It was irritating, but I guess it did not really matter.
                  “…may God bless you, and may he have mercy upon us.”
                  The map was completely covered in red by the end of the week.

Chapter 9 - Our First Zombie
                  Rick folded his arms, sighed loudly and climaxed with a loud belch. We had just finished a breakfast of eggs, sausage, and lard biscuits. I asked Rick once why, in all of his planning, he never bothered getting any dairy cows. I never got an answer, just a surly stare. We were absorbed in our thoughts as we finished off the last of the fresh orange juice. “I have made a grievous tactical error.” Rick said. I looked at him. He looked at me. The dogs looked at both of us. “If everyone is going to die off, we should have gotten us a couple of ladies to shack up with us.” He scratched his whiskers. “It’s going to be hell without getting some pussy every once in a while.”
                  “But you hate women. You said so yourself.” I said.
                  He glared at me indignantly. “Not true! I like women. I like the way they look, the way they move, the way they feel, I like the way they smell. Hell, I like the way they taste, if you know what I mean. But, I can’t stand to be around them for any length of time. It doesn’t matter anymore I guess, they’re all dead.” He was looking at the map as he spoke.
                  All television, radio stations, and the Internet had gone down some time ago. It was the same with the phones, both cell phones and the landline. All of them were dead. I tried them often, but the result was always the same.
                  I had tried calling Felix before the phones went out, but never got through to him. I hoped he was okay. I was sorely tempted to call Macie, and was about to do so until Rick told me to quit being stupid.
                  I had managed to oppress any thoughts of Macie, well mostly, but when Rick started talking about women, I would instantly start thinking of her. Was she alive? Was she still with Jason? It frustrated me. I wanted to see her. At least, I thought I did. I definitely wanted to see Felix. I missed him terribly.
                  “Everyone isn’t dead.” I exclaimed as I put my shoes on. My ribs had healed to the point where they only bothered me occasionally so I could now bend over and put my shoes on without too much discomfort. “You want me to feed the cows and chickens today?” It was cold out now, the grass was dormant and the livestock needed additional food in order to