Aphrodite’s Reject: The Lottery Winners by Mairsile Leabhair

Hey you, yeah you. Come on over here, I want to tell you a story about two ships that passed in the night, and sunk. No, it’s not a sad story at all. Actually it’s a deeply moving love story. What? Yes, there will be sex in my story, but you’ll just have to wait for that. The lover’s haven’t even met yet. My name? Oh yeah, it’s Abderus. Yep, Abderus, the love guardian. That’s me. What? Yes I know that’s a boy’s name and I’m a girl, you’ll just have to deal with it.
    Okay , so if you know anything at all about Aphrodite, then you know she’s a little flighty and very fickle. She says she’ll train you to be a love guardian, but when you don’t put out the way she likes it, she kicks your butt out of Olympus. Of course if you knew the meaning of my name, you’d understand why. Oh all right, I’ll tell you. My name means friend of Hercules. Get it now?
    Anyway, I wasn’t just kicked out of Olympus . Oh no‒ no‒ no. It’s never that easy. I am doomed to wonder the earth doing her job, while she grows fat eating bonbons and cutting the cheese. What? No, real cheese, the woman eats it like it was candy. Anyway, she’s long since retired, and forgotten all about me…, I think. But that’s okay, I love helping lovers find each other with the least amount of drama as possible. Oh okay, you caught me, I enjoy the drama too. Anyway, things were going great until I run up on two of the most stubborn, hard headed, exasperating people, you’d ever want to meet.
    Look, t here’s one of them now. Right over there in Memphis. Yes, see that cute little brown haired lady, standing there with her cappuccino? No, not that one, that’s a guy, jeez. I’m talking about the one that’s about to buy a lottery ticket. And guess what? She’s going to win big. Let me tell you about her.
    Rosalyn, that’s her name , Rosalyn Torres, but everyone calls her Rose, because her name means pretty rose in Spanish. It fits her. You see, she is a gorgeous Latino, though she doesn’t speak the language. She has gorgeous, long dark brown hair, that drapes her rosy soft face perfectly, and reaches down to her rosy soft ass, nicely. Gorgeous, what’s another word for gorgeous? Stunning! Yes, she has stunning, oval shaped green eyes, that shimmer like emeralds, and her lips, her lips are plump and pouting, just like her hips. Oh, uh... anyway, she’s a petite little minx, with a large heart, that she wears on her sleeve. To say that Rosalyn was a real beauty inside and out, would be an understatement.
    Sadly though, Rosalyn lives in a tiny apartment, with a tiny cat. A cat who has a better sex life than she does, and the cat’s been spayed! Rosalyn is a struggling secretary, trying to make ends meet while she waits on her knight in shining armor. She’s very intelligent, though you couldn’t tell it by her love life. She doesn’t have one. In fact, she’s still a virgin at twenty‒eight. Yes, there are still a few of those left in the world, but not many. Not to worry though, I’ll get to them eventually. The reason she hasn’t met the love of her life yet, is because she’s shy. Terribly, awkwardly shy. Bless her heart, winning the lottery is about to blow all that out of the water. And of course, I knew it would, that’s why I told her what numbers to pick. Let’s be a fly on the wall, shall we, and see what happens.
     
    Rose scratched off the card and looked at it closely. On a whim, she thought she’d buy a lottery ticket, just to see what it was all about. This was her first try at the lottery, and she didn’t really understand how it works, so she asked the clerk if she had won anything. The clerk ran the card thru her computer, and looked at the printout. Then her eyes rolled back in her head, and she fainted.
     
    Okay, so the clerk fainted dead away because the ticket said Rosalyn just won thirty million dollars. Can you believe that? Well, maybe you can, but she sure didn’t. Good things like that just