Bardisms by Barry Edelstein

and warmth, joy and love—until they reach a crossroads of their own. But it’s not girls that are their undoing, it’s their own pigheadedness, insistence on independence, and implacable, infuriating willfulness. These will wreck a parent’s peace of mind as totally as any bad behavior a wayward daughter can muster.
    And yet, of all the varieties of familial love one encounters in the Complete Works of Shakespeare , the love of parents for sons, and especially firstborn sons, may be the most intense and incandescent. To be sure, Shakespearean moms can be less than perfect, loving their sons not wisely but too well, and the Bard’s dads can be imposing, distant figures who intimidate and belittle their boys. But despite their flaws, they love. And love, and love even more. Here are but two expressions of this abundant affection, both of which move me whenever I use them.
    IT’S GOOD TO HAVE SONS

    When a dear friend called to tell me his pregnant wife’s ultrasound revealed she was carrying twin boys, I rifled through my Complete Works to find something that might take the edge off the happy panic I heard in his voice. I found a wonderful Bardism to commend to anyone blessed with a baby boy.
Why, ’tis a happy thing / To be the father unto many sons.

—K ING E DWARD IV , Henry VI, Part III , 3.2.104–5
    I ADORE MY SON

    This is one of my favorite Shakespeare passages, because it seems to me so truthful and mature an expression of a father’s love for his son. Free of sugarcoating, it captures the way in which parenthood is magical, despite being full of moments as frustrating and hair-raising as any in life.
LEONTES                 My brother,
Are you so fond of your young prince as we
Do seem to be of ours?

POLIXENES                 If at home, sir,
He’s all my exercise, my mirth, my matter;
Now my sworn friend, and then mine enemy; 5
My parasite, my soldier, statesman, all.
He makes a July’s day short as December,
And with his varying childness cures in me
Thoughts that would thick my blood.

—The Winter’s Tale , 1.2.164–72
    In other words:
LEONTES My dear friend, do you adore your young son as much as I appear to love mine?
POLIXENES When I’m at home, he’s everything I do, every moment of my time. He’s my every delight, he’s all I think about. One minute he’s my best friend, the next, he hates my guts. He’s a hanger-on, he’s a fighter, he’s a negotiator—he’s all things. He makes a long summer day feel as short as the winter solstice, and his boyish ways, in their constant changes, snap me out of dark moods and depression.
     

    How to say it:
I sent this excerpt to a friend after a wonderful conversation in which he told me how much he’d lately been enjoying time spent with his little boy.

    Don’t worry too much about Leontes’ lines that cue Polixenes’ wonderful speech. I’ve included them here only for context. Polixenes’ speech stands on its own, and can even begin with line 4, He’s all my exercise , or, if you like, Tommy’s all my exercise , or whatever Junior’s name may be.

    Polixenes’ speech (his name is pronounced puh-LICKS-uh-neez ) has some interesting features. If at home is simply there because at this point in the play he’s been away from his beloved boy for nine long months and he misses him. Feel free to drop this phrase in the interest of clarity. The antitheses between friend and enemy and July and December are important. The two occurrences of all , in lines 4 and 6, can be quite powerful: Polixenes’ son takes up his every moment (line 4), and is absolutely everything to him (line 6).

    You can make this speech describe your daughter by changing each he to she and, perhaps, cutting line 6—about the parasite, soldier, and statesman—because to Shakespeare these were exclusively masculine character types.
    Some details:
    Lines 7 and 9 merit closer inspection. When Polixenes mentions a July’s day , he simply assumes that his