Tough Luck (Hard Rock Roots) by C.M. Stunich

Styx. Without it, I'm damned to hell for eternity. Asuka, what do I do? How do I get through this?
    “Okay, kiddo. I guess the first step is getting you some new clothes, huh?” I ask, trying to make my voice as cheerful as possible. Is isn't easy though. Frankly, I'd rather be crying. Plus, I have no idea where to get kids' clothes from. K-Mart or some shit? A mall? I haven't shopped for clothes in years. Everything I own now was bought for me by somebody else. That, or I stole it off one of the merch tables. Pretty fucking sad.
    “Mommy?” she asks, sniffling, rubbing at her round nose with a tiny fist. When I look at her, I don't see anything of myself. She might have my DNA, but she's not really my daughter. I wonder if there's some guy out there, like the guy that found the blood in Chelsea's apartment, her boyfriend. Some guy that's been raising Lydia all this time. But the law's the law, and according to the paperwork she's mine now.
    “Mommy's … ” Stone cold, slapped on a slab. Maybe she's already in pieces, chopped up by the ME? Wish I could remember something about her like her smile or the way her hair fell across her brow. But the only chick I can remember is Asuka Maebara.
    I look up at Jesse who's poking at the black stud in the center of his lip. He's staring at me with his mouth tight and his eyes full of old memories and pain. We understand each other, you know? Jesse lost his mom when he was fourteen. Christmas Eve night, she hopped on her bicycle to make an alcohol run. She was drunk off her ass and hit a pole, flew to the curb and cracked her head open. Couple weeks in a coma and she was gone.
    I hold up my hand and gesture at him, waiting for help with this.
    “I was fourteen, Ronnie. This is kinda different.”
    I keep staring at him, and he sighs, standing up and adjusting the bullet belt he's wearing. He walks across the carpet and sits down next to me, looking at Lydia with the ghosts of old memories haunting his eyes.
    “Your mom's gone, but not lost.” Jesse reaches out and pinches Lydia's nose which makes her laugh. He's quoting one of our songs. She's gone, but not lost. She's asleep in a different way. Breathing hard and missing me. “You'll see her again in a different time and a different place. She loves your chubby little face off.” Jesse pokes Lydia in the cheek and looks up at me. We both shrug. There's not a person in Indecency who hasn't been fucked so hard by life that his asshole's not bleeding. This is the best we can do.
    “Clothes?” I say and Jesse shrugs again.
    “Ask Milo?” Is his suggestion. Real fuckin' helpful.
    As I hold Lydia, I start to think about my other kids and their mothers. I'm an idiot to think this stops here. Why kill Chelsea and drag her body halfway across the country? For me. It's obviously for me. And there's obviously another dog trailing this tour. Six masked fucks break onto Amatory's bus without anyone noticing; someone drags a friggin' body past security without being spotted by a single person, a single camera. Explain that shit to me.
    So I know what I have to do. I know, but I don't want to do it. I wonder if Turner and Naomi have figured it out already? If not, then they might as well sign their own death warrants. Hayden Lee told us we were all targets, but I never even suspected something like this.
    “Yummy hungry?” Lydia asks, dead serious. “I can eat yummy hungry?” She's staring at me with eyes that one day will break a lot of hearts. They pierce straight through to my bones.
    “Hey Jess, can you take Lydia downstairs to that continental breakfast thing?” He nods and takes her from my arms. This time, she doesn't scream. She doesn't give a fuck about me. “I gotta … make some phone calls.” I stand up and yank up my pants before they can sag around my ass. Guess there might be a plus side to wearing ladies' pants like Turner does. A lot less adjusting would be necessary.
    I grab my cell off the nightstand and take