before speaking. I let out a breath.
“I miss everything. The noises and the way the city smells after a rain. I miss the gray sky, the gray streets and the gray buildings. I miss how I can look any way I want to look and be anyone I want to be without anyone giving me a second glance. I miss my home.”
“Don’t you like it here?”
I shook my head, dislodging the strand of hair from behind my ear. “Not really.”
His frown deepened.
“Are you having nightmares?” His voice was almost a whisper. He moved my hair once again away from my face. His touch was soft. His fingers lingered for a tiny moment on my cheek. He gave me goose bumps.
“Yes.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No, I don’t.”
Ari nodded, blew a breath out between his cheeks and rubbed his hands up his face and through his hair. He stood up and gave me a tiny smile.
“Good night, Ava.”
This same scenario went on for a couple more days. Ari came in my room each night to check on me. He sat on the bed and asked me a question, I answered it and he got up to leave. I began to dread the moment that he would leave. But what I hated the absolute most was the fact that Ari wouldn’t even look at me, let alone speak to me, when we crossed paths during the days. He acted as though I didn’t exist. I would watch him joke around with people in class or walk with a group of his friends in the hallway and think why can’t he just talk to me when someone else is around? What’s wrong with me?
One night, I woke up to him shaking me awake and I was mortified.
“Hey, hey, shhhh… it’s okay, Ava.”
I blinked my wet eyes up at Ari and he brushed his thumbs across my cheeks.
“Are you alright?”
“Mmm… Yes. I am so sorry for waking you up again.”
“Stop it with the sorry crap. Are you sure you’re ok?”
“I am fine, really. Just dreams.”
He stared at me for a long moment and took a seat on my bed. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“Ok… well it might help.”
“I said no.”
We sat there for a minute, neither of us speaking. I was still trying to calm down from my nightmare when Ari broke the silence.
“Who are you?” He looked at me with his deep dark eyes. They were burning into me while he awaited my answer. This was the second time I had been asked the question and I still didn’t know how to answer it.
“I don’t know what you mean. Who are you?”
“Who I am doesn’t matter,” he answered. After a time he asked, “Do you think it’s possible to lie without saying a word?”
“Yes, Ari, I do.”
“I do, too. In fact, sometimes it’s impossible not to.”
“Why? What lies are you telling?”
“Lies about you.” Ari stood up and walked towards the door. He paused with his hand on the door handle. “Ava, remember that if you need anything, let me know.”
I watched as he closed the door behind him.
****
I hung out with Rory and Emily a lot in the evenings. We ate dinner together quite often and then headed for the library to study. Rory and I always sat next to each other at a great big table. We saw Ari coming in to use the research section from time to time. He always said a quick hello to Rory, nothing to me, then took a seat clear across the room.
Sometimes before bed, I would find Rory out in the commons watching some stupid TV show. He would laugh aloud and his reaction would make me laugh aloud. He and I were really becoming good friends. Every once in a while, I got the feeling that he would like to be more than just a friend, but the feeling was always fleeting and quickly faded back into friendship. Rory was cute and funny, but in my heart I knew I would never like him the way I think he was beginning to like me.
Once, I tried to explain my feelings about him to Emily and she just didn’t get it. I rolled my eyes at her and pointed out the fact that she likes every guy so of course she couldn’t understand. But I never once let her in on my feelings
“I miss everything. The noises and the way the city smells after a rain. I miss the gray sky, the gray streets and the gray buildings. I miss how I can look any way I want to look and be anyone I want to be without anyone giving me a second glance. I miss my home.”
“Don’t you like it here?”
I shook my head, dislodging the strand of hair from behind my ear. “Not really.”
His frown deepened.
“Are you having nightmares?” His voice was almost a whisper. He moved my hair once again away from my face. His touch was soft. His fingers lingered for a tiny moment on my cheek. He gave me goose bumps.
“Yes.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No, I don’t.”
Ari nodded, blew a breath out between his cheeks and rubbed his hands up his face and through his hair. He stood up and gave me a tiny smile.
“Good night, Ava.”
This same scenario went on for a couple more days. Ari came in my room each night to check on me. He sat on the bed and asked me a question, I answered it and he got up to leave. I began to dread the moment that he would leave. But what I hated the absolute most was the fact that Ari wouldn’t even look at me, let alone speak to me, when we crossed paths during the days. He acted as though I didn’t exist. I would watch him joke around with people in class or walk with a group of his friends in the hallway and think why can’t he just talk to me when someone else is around? What’s wrong with me?
One night, I woke up to him shaking me awake and I was mortified.
“Hey, hey, shhhh… it’s okay, Ava.”
I blinked my wet eyes up at Ari and he brushed his thumbs across my cheeks.
“Are you alright?”
“Mmm… Yes. I am so sorry for waking you up again.”
“Stop it with the sorry crap. Are you sure you’re ok?”
“I am fine, really. Just dreams.”
He stared at me for a long moment and took a seat on my bed. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“Ok… well it might help.”
“I said no.”
We sat there for a minute, neither of us speaking. I was still trying to calm down from my nightmare when Ari broke the silence.
“Who are you?” He looked at me with his deep dark eyes. They were burning into me while he awaited my answer. This was the second time I had been asked the question and I still didn’t know how to answer it.
“I don’t know what you mean. Who are you?”
“Who I am doesn’t matter,” he answered. After a time he asked, “Do you think it’s possible to lie without saying a word?”
“Yes, Ari, I do.”
“I do, too. In fact, sometimes it’s impossible not to.”
“Why? What lies are you telling?”
“Lies about you.” Ari stood up and walked towards the door. He paused with his hand on the door handle. “Ava, remember that if you need anything, let me know.”
I watched as he closed the door behind him.
****
I hung out with Rory and Emily a lot in the evenings. We ate dinner together quite often and then headed for the library to study. Rory and I always sat next to each other at a great big table. We saw Ari coming in to use the research section from time to time. He always said a quick hello to Rory, nothing to me, then took a seat clear across the room.
Sometimes before bed, I would find Rory out in the commons watching some stupid TV show. He would laugh aloud and his reaction would make me laugh aloud. He and I were really becoming good friends. Every once in a while, I got the feeling that he would like to be more than just a friend, but the feeling was always fleeting and quickly faded back into friendship. Rory was cute and funny, but in my heart I knew I would never like him the way I think he was beginning to like me.
Once, I tried to explain my feelings about him to Emily and she just didn’t get it. I rolled my eyes at her and pointed out the fact that she likes every guy so of course she couldn’t understand. But I never once let her in on my feelings
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