teach our children English. God did. I did not bring in new Scots-Irish recruits from Kentucky and Tennessee. God did this. And I believe that God has given me a future wife in Emma Wagner, whose father you so entrusted with our colony that you sent him out to find this Bethel, this “place of God,” this “place of worship,” as the Hebrew word translates. She’s been raised in our ways and knows them—”
“She challenges them,” our leader said.
“But she will keep the vows and understands what I am called to do,” Christian countered.
Our leader puffed up his chest then. “You will defy me, Chris, over this … this trivial thing?”
“Wilhelm, please. I have no wish to drive a wedge between us. There is a compromise. Emma turns eighteen on the twenty-seventh of this month. We would set the date for then and pray you will be the one to officiate. We will discuss this again when you’ve had time to pray and consider. Come, Emma. Let’s go, give Wilhelm time to prepare for his celebration.”
How I wanted to have my say, but for once I chose to be right in silence. And my intended had stood firm and had even named a date, though I would have preferred to have some say in that. To witness a birthday and a wedding anniversary on the same occasion robbed a woman of one celebration. And in a world where there were few, I meant to have as many as I could.
I followed Christian out, feeling the eyes of our leader boring a hole into my back. “We can announce our wedding, then?” I said when we reached the empty second-floor gathering room.
“No,” he said. “I want Wilhelm’s blessing. It will be better if he comes around, if he sees that we have chosen and he cannot stop us. The colony will be the better if he too is in agreement.”
“And if he doesn’t ever give his consent?”
On the stair landing, he pulled me to him and kissed the top of my forehead. It was the first touch of his lips upon my skin. “We will marry, Emma. But we’ll keep this quiet for now. Agreed?”
“
Ja
,” I said, not wanting to be the first to pull away from the firmness of his embrace.
I’d remain silent, but I went home and sewed another ruffle on my crinoline.
4
Choose Life
Right after our meeting, our leader sent Christian on a mission that took him away on my birthday and on the supposed wedding day. But he encouraged Christian before he left by telling him that when he returned in April, we could discuss our marriage possibility again. I suspected he would use the interim time to watch me, so I wore my best behavior. In the glove factory in the afternoons, I stayed to myself, working hard to finish off the deerskin gloves with the finest stitches. Our colony’s gloves had won awards in competitions at exhibitions back East, and I liked to think my work contributed. Father Keil made a fine time of hunting the many herds of deer in this part of Missouri, having the meat for our common meals and the hides for the factory. I thought again how blessed men were to do the things they loved yet name their acts as practical and thus always permitted.
Secretly, I didn’t mind not having the wedding on my birthday. I could be open about the date as long as the event would happen. Being flexible about accomplishing a thing was always optional, I felt, as long as everyone could agree upon the outcome. Half the time people argued over how to do a thing more than whether it should be done at all. I thought the latter to be the topic of greater importance. If only people would take the time to voice their desires, others could assist them in achieving them; that was my motto.
Christian’s absence made me think of him all the more. During thenoon break at school, I prompted Helena to talk of her older brother, but she spoke instead of her own choice long years before, to give up the love of her life, the son of the man who would later design the Brooklyn Bridge and who later built his own suspension bridges.
“He was
“She challenges them,” our leader said.
“But she will keep the vows and understands what I am called to do,” Christian countered.
Our leader puffed up his chest then. “You will defy me, Chris, over this … this trivial thing?”
“Wilhelm, please. I have no wish to drive a wedge between us. There is a compromise. Emma turns eighteen on the twenty-seventh of this month. We would set the date for then and pray you will be the one to officiate. We will discuss this again when you’ve had time to pray and consider. Come, Emma. Let’s go, give Wilhelm time to prepare for his celebration.”
How I wanted to have my say, but for once I chose to be right in silence. And my intended had stood firm and had even named a date, though I would have preferred to have some say in that. To witness a birthday and a wedding anniversary on the same occasion robbed a woman of one celebration. And in a world where there were few, I meant to have as many as I could.
I followed Christian out, feeling the eyes of our leader boring a hole into my back. “We can announce our wedding, then?” I said when we reached the empty second-floor gathering room.
“No,” he said. “I want Wilhelm’s blessing. It will be better if he comes around, if he sees that we have chosen and he cannot stop us. The colony will be the better if he too is in agreement.”
“And if he doesn’t ever give his consent?”
On the stair landing, he pulled me to him and kissed the top of my forehead. It was the first touch of his lips upon my skin. “We will marry, Emma. But we’ll keep this quiet for now. Agreed?”
“
Ja
,” I said, not wanting to be the first to pull away from the firmness of his embrace.
I’d remain silent, but I went home and sewed another ruffle on my crinoline.
4
Choose Life
Right after our meeting, our leader sent Christian on a mission that took him away on my birthday and on the supposed wedding day. But he encouraged Christian before he left by telling him that when he returned in April, we could discuss our marriage possibility again. I suspected he would use the interim time to watch me, so I wore my best behavior. In the glove factory in the afternoons, I stayed to myself, working hard to finish off the deerskin gloves with the finest stitches. Our colony’s gloves had won awards in competitions at exhibitions back East, and I liked to think my work contributed. Father Keil made a fine time of hunting the many herds of deer in this part of Missouri, having the meat for our common meals and the hides for the factory. I thought again how blessed men were to do the things they loved yet name their acts as practical and thus always permitted.
Secretly, I didn’t mind not having the wedding on my birthday. I could be open about the date as long as the event would happen. Being flexible about accomplishing a thing was always optional, I felt, as long as everyone could agree upon the outcome. Half the time people argued over how to do a thing more than whether it should be done at all. I thought the latter to be the topic of greater importance. If only people would take the time to voice their desires, others could assist them in achieving them; that was my motto.
Christian’s absence made me think of him all the more. During thenoon break at school, I prompted Helena to talk of her older brother, but she spoke instead of her own choice long years before, to give up the love of her life, the son of the man who would later design the Brooklyn Bridge and who later built his own suspension bridges.
“He was
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