breath, my heart pounding. I was running, but heavy skirts surrounded my legs.
I reached for who appeared to be Sal. He was on a horse, wearing a blue coat and white breeches with black boots. He was yelling something to me. I couldn’t hear–there was havoc in the street. People were yelling, men were marching.
“Don’t go!” I yelled to him.
He circled back to me, the horse stomping all around. I grabbed the reins and he reached down to touch my face.
“I must go my love, it is my duty. I will fight for what’s right, I shall return to you, I promise!”
I watched as he road off with other men on horseback. I knew he wouldn’t return. I felt it. I must stop him!
“NO!” I yelled, “I WILL NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN—NO PLEASE!” But he could not hear me anymore. I tripped over something, fell. I’m out of breath ….
I sit up in bed panting, gasping for air, my chest heaving.
Where am I ?.. Trying to focus I reach over and turn on the light. Toby grunted.
I’m wiping sweat off my forehead and unraveling the sheets that are twisted around my legs. By the time I’m untangled, my breathing and heart rate has slowed down.
“Whew! What a weird nightmare!” This dream seemed like more then just a dream. It still played in my mind with the paralyzing fear and choking sorrow.
I go into the bathroom to splash water on my face but before I can dry off my face, the images are back and I can smell the air, smell the horses.
Such sadness…I am overtaken by sadness and begin to shake. “Oookayyy…Gracie, I say aloud, “get it together.” I sit on the cold tile floor of my bathroom for a bit.
Toby comes in and whines as he looks at me with those big, whiskey eyes. “I’ll be okay,” I tell him with a weak laugh. He doesn’t believe me, I can tell.
I look over at the counter at my prescription Xanax. Still a bit shaky, I get to my feet, dump a pill in my trembling palm and pour a glass of water.
I go out of my bedroom door and out on the balcony, for some air. The moon is full and bright, shining on the ocean. The sea air felt cool on my skin. I take some deep cleansing breaths, still feeling strange from the dream – or whatever it was.
The pill is working as I knew it would. I get back in bed. As I lay there waiting for sleep, I still can’t get the images out of my mind. As I try to breathe through it, I recognize what I’m feeling. It’s grief . Massive, inconsolable, grief.
CHAPTER 6
When I wake in the morning I’m jolted out of sleep with memories of the dream – and Sal’s kiss.
I toss back the covers and do my usual morning routine, dressing in some yoga pants, a Tee shirt and sneakers. By the time I get down the stairs, Toby’s already circling at the door.
“Alright buddy, just a minute,” I shush him as I approach. We leave the lanai and start over the little wooden overpass to the beach only to run into Sal, standing right in the middle with a hand on either side of the wooden railings blocking the way.
“Good morning, Princess.” The smooth tone of his voice makes my stomach swirl.
“Good morning, Sal,” I reply, struggling to meet his gaze.
We stand for a moment looking at each other in the pre dawn light - then he gives me that little-boy grin and snakes one of his arms around my waist and with just a little force pulls me into him.
He gently reaches up and pushes a windblown curl out of the way as he holds my face in his hands and bends his head to give me another kiss. I totally surrender and it takes my breath away.
He pulls away and looks into my eyes. “Ready for a walk?”
I’m lightheaded and clutch for the railing.
“Whoa, Gracie, you okay?” He puts his hands on my arms to steady me.
I shake my head to get the ringing to stop. “Yeah, I’m fine,” I whisper. “I don’t know. I got a little dizzy there.”
Walking quietly, he takes my hand. “Gracie, I hope I’m not moving too fast, but I
I reached for who appeared to be Sal. He was on a horse, wearing a blue coat and white breeches with black boots. He was yelling something to me. I couldn’t hear–there was havoc in the street. People were yelling, men were marching.
“Don’t go!” I yelled to him.
He circled back to me, the horse stomping all around. I grabbed the reins and he reached down to touch my face.
“I must go my love, it is my duty. I will fight for what’s right, I shall return to you, I promise!”
I watched as he road off with other men on horseback. I knew he wouldn’t return. I felt it. I must stop him!
“NO!” I yelled, “I WILL NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN—NO PLEASE!” But he could not hear me anymore. I tripped over something, fell. I’m out of breath ….
I sit up in bed panting, gasping for air, my chest heaving.
Where am I ?.. Trying to focus I reach over and turn on the light. Toby grunted.
I’m wiping sweat off my forehead and unraveling the sheets that are twisted around my legs. By the time I’m untangled, my breathing and heart rate has slowed down.
“Whew! What a weird nightmare!” This dream seemed like more then just a dream. It still played in my mind with the paralyzing fear and choking sorrow.
I go into the bathroom to splash water on my face but before I can dry off my face, the images are back and I can smell the air, smell the horses.
Such sadness…I am overtaken by sadness and begin to shake. “Oookayyy…Gracie, I say aloud, “get it together.” I sit on the cold tile floor of my bathroom for a bit.
Toby comes in and whines as he looks at me with those big, whiskey eyes. “I’ll be okay,” I tell him with a weak laugh. He doesn’t believe me, I can tell.
I look over at the counter at my prescription Xanax. Still a bit shaky, I get to my feet, dump a pill in my trembling palm and pour a glass of water.
I go out of my bedroom door and out on the balcony, for some air. The moon is full and bright, shining on the ocean. The sea air felt cool on my skin. I take some deep cleansing breaths, still feeling strange from the dream – or whatever it was.
The pill is working as I knew it would. I get back in bed. As I lay there waiting for sleep, I still can’t get the images out of my mind. As I try to breathe through it, I recognize what I’m feeling. It’s grief . Massive, inconsolable, grief.
CHAPTER 6
When I wake in the morning I’m jolted out of sleep with memories of the dream – and Sal’s kiss.
I toss back the covers and do my usual morning routine, dressing in some yoga pants, a Tee shirt and sneakers. By the time I get down the stairs, Toby’s already circling at the door.
“Alright buddy, just a minute,” I shush him as I approach. We leave the lanai and start over the little wooden overpass to the beach only to run into Sal, standing right in the middle with a hand on either side of the wooden railings blocking the way.
“Good morning, Princess.” The smooth tone of his voice makes my stomach swirl.
“Good morning, Sal,” I reply, struggling to meet his gaze.
We stand for a moment looking at each other in the pre dawn light - then he gives me that little-boy grin and snakes one of his arms around my waist and with just a little force pulls me into him.
He gently reaches up and pushes a windblown curl out of the way as he holds my face in his hands and bends his head to give me another kiss. I totally surrender and it takes my breath away.
He pulls away and looks into my eyes. “Ready for a walk?”
I’m lightheaded and clutch for the railing.
“Whoa, Gracie, you okay?” He puts his hands on my arms to steady me.
I shake my head to get the ringing to stop. “Yeah, I’m fine,” I whisper. “I don’t know. I got a little dizzy there.”
Walking quietly, he takes my hand. “Gracie, I hope I’m not moving too fast, but I
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