my spine, that made me shiver again.
Whoa. Okay, that was more than a little strange. I sat back down and waited to feel it again. Nothing. No more butterfly wings. Goose bumps appeared on my arms, though, even under the heavy weight of my sweater, and I tried to rub them away. I’d read enough books to realize I’d just felt my baby move, and instead of the happiness most women probably experienced at that moment, I was flat-out terrified.
For the first time since the little line had turned pink, I truly understood that another person lived inside of me. I didn’t have a husband, or even a boyfriend, to lean on. I didn’t have a plan. I didn’t know how to be a parent, or how to do all the things I was going to need to do. Right then, in a millisecond, my world shifted again. I ignored the tears weighting my eyes. I ignored the shivers that refused to stop.
Somehow, I needed to find control. And with that control, maybe I wouldn’t be so freaking afraid of what was going to happen. I forced myself to breathe slowly, and, bit by bit, the fear receded and my shivers abated.
I stared at the door. I didn’t want to walk through it. Yet again, I wished everyone would leave and go home. My family meant well, and I loved them, but I needed some space. I wanted to curl up on my couch with a blanket and close my eyes. I wanted to pretend that my life wasn’t on the wickedest, tallest, topsy-turviest roller coaster ever invented.
Because I had zero choice, I pulled myself upright and returned to the oh-so-fun birthday celebration. Elizabeth and our mother were cleaning up the food and dishes, my brothers were taking down the streamers and balloons, and my father was straightening the living room. My grandmother and Vinny were standing by the front door. When Grandma Verda saw me, she beckoned me over.
“We’re going to take off. Vinny’s tired,” Grandma said, patting her beau’s arm as she did. The older man smiled but didn’t say anything.
I gave her a kiss on her soft cheek. “It was nice to see you.”
“We’ll get together soon. You, me, and Elizabeth.” Another sharp-eyed stare. “We need to talk. When you’re feeling better.”
She didn’t say anything about her present, or the pregnancy, and I was grateful for it. It didn’t matter that she knew. I wasn’t ready to confront her.
Once they drove off, I went to help my mother and sister with cleanup duty, but they were already done. As were my brothers and father, with their tasks. In fact, less than fifteen minutes later, after more kisses and hugs, I was completely alone.
Wow. My family had never before fled so quickly from anyplace, especially not all at once. This was one wish I appreciated coming true.
With my soft, fuzzy blue blanket and a big fluffy pillow, I curled up on the sofa. Closing my eyes, I pushed everything else away. Sleep was my savior. When I slept, no worries, no sickening fear of how I was going to manage, no remembrances of the man I’d thought I loved revealing himself to be a complete jerk, intruded. It was just me, warmth, peace, and bliss.
I’d barely closed my eyes when I caught a whiff of something. Flowers? Being prone to allergies, I didn’t tend to keep flowers around, so I was probably imagining things. But then the scent grew stronger and tickled my nose. A tingling, almost prickly sensation crept from my head to my toes, as if my body were telling me to pay attention. But to what?
I opened my eyes. A pale light shimmered in the middle of the room. Tightening my hold on my blanket, I sat upright. The light grew brighter and colors bled into it; a soft rainbow shimmied and danced all around. And just as in my dream, excitement ran through me. This wasn’t scary, not one little bit.
Entranced, I watched and waited. In my dreams, she stepped right out from the center of the light and walked toward me. Anticipation had me scooting to the edge of the couch, my eyes never leaving the light. A warm breeze,
Whoa. Okay, that was more than a little strange. I sat back down and waited to feel it again. Nothing. No more butterfly wings. Goose bumps appeared on my arms, though, even under the heavy weight of my sweater, and I tried to rub them away. I’d read enough books to realize I’d just felt my baby move, and instead of the happiness most women probably experienced at that moment, I was flat-out terrified.
For the first time since the little line had turned pink, I truly understood that another person lived inside of me. I didn’t have a husband, or even a boyfriend, to lean on. I didn’t have a plan. I didn’t know how to be a parent, or how to do all the things I was going to need to do. Right then, in a millisecond, my world shifted again. I ignored the tears weighting my eyes. I ignored the shivers that refused to stop.
Somehow, I needed to find control. And with that control, maybe I wouldn’t be so freaking afraid of what was going to happen. I forced myself to breathe slowly, and, bit by bit, the fear receded and my shivers abated.
I stared at the door. I didn’t want to walk through it. Yet again, I wished everyone would leave and go home. My family meant well, and I loved them, but I needed some space. I wanted to curl up on my couch with a blanket and close my eyes. I wanted to pretend that my life wasn’t on the wickedest, tallest, topsy-turviest roller coaster ever invented.
Because I had zero choice, I pulled myself upright and returned to the oh-so-fun birthday celebration. Elizabeth and our mother were cleaning up the food and dishes, my brothers were taking down the streamers and balloons, and my father was straightening the living room. My grandmother and Vinny were standing by the front door. When Grandma Verda saw me, she beckoned me over.
“We’re going to take off. Vinny’s tired,” Grandma said, patting her beau’s arm as she did. The older man smiled but didn’t say anything.
I gave her a kiss on her soft cheek. “It was nice to see you.”
“We’ll get together soon. You, me, and Elizabeth.” Another sharp-eyed stare. “We need to talk. When you’re feeling better.”
She didn’t say anything about her present, or the pregnancy, and I was grateful for it. It didn’t matter that she knew. I wasn’t ready to confront her.
Once they drove off, I went to help my mother and sister with cleanup duty, but they were already done. As were my brothers and father, with their tasks. In fact, less than fifteen minutes later, after more kisses and hugs, I was completely alone.
Wow. My family had never before fled so quickly from anyplace, especially not all at once. This was one wish I appreciated coming true.
With my soft, fuzzy blue blanket and a big fluffy pillow, I curled up on the sofa. Closing my eyes, I pushed everything else away. Sleep was my savior. When I slept, no worries, no sickening fear of how I was going to manage, no remembrances of the man I’d thought I loved revealing himself to be a complete jerk, intruded. It was just me, warmth, peace, and bliss.
I’d barely closed my eyes when I caught a whiff of something. Flowers? Being prone to allergies, I didn’t tend to keep flowers around, so I was probably imagining things. But then the scent grew stronger and tickled my nose. A tingling, almost prickly sensation crept from my head to my toes, as if my body were telling me to pay attention. But to what?
I opened my eyes. A pale light shimmered in the middle of the room. Tightening my hold on my blanket, I sat upright. The light grew brighter and colors bled into it; a soft rainbow shimmied and danced all around. And just as in my dream, excitement ran through me. This wasn’t scary, not one little bit.
Entranced, I watched and waited. In my dreams, she stepped right out from the center of the light and walked toward me. Anticipation had me scooting to the edge of the couch, my eyes never leaving the light. A warm breeze,
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