the steps, looked at Fia for a moment, then slid between Elliot’s knees so he could scratch her head. Like the well-trained creature he was, he immediately accommodated her.
“It was kind of hard when they told me their plans. That ranch had been in my dad’s family since the 1880s. It had always been tough, but the Rosses always made a go of it, and I was afraid it would take a toll on them, losing it after all those years.” He smiled. “Turned out, he and Mom couldn’t wait to shake the dust of West Texas off their boots. They live outside Phoenix, a short drive to everything they could possibly need, and they have a lot of friends who’ve never set foot on a ranch or branded a cow or castrated a steer. They love it.”
For a brief moment, Fia wondered what her parents were doing with their lives. In the time she’d known them, neither one had ever held a job for any length of time. They had never accepted responsibility for that, either, or for anything else. They’d brought her into the world with no intention of taking care of her. When she was little, she’d wondered why. What was so wrong with her that even her mother and father couldn’t love her? What had she done to deserve their neglect?
It wasn’t her, Scott had insisted. The failings were her parents’; they’d been selfish, lazy, too focused on themselves. It was the first time anyone had told her she wasn’t to blame, and he’d been so sincere that she’d believed him. She had given up trying to love her mom and dad, had quit trying to maintain some semblance of a relationship with them.
But Lord, there was still a place way deep down inside her that wanted to know how a mother’s and father’s love felt. There was still a part of her that regretted she would never know.
Beside her, Elliot exhaled. “So I decided Arizona wasn’t for me, and I didn’t want to cramp Mom and Dad’s life by trying to fit in where I didn’t. Next I went to New Mexico and stayed a few weeks with Emily and her family.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, then began swiping one finger across the screen, scrolling through pictures fast enough to create a blur of color and activity. “You’d like Emily. She’s a tyrant but in a good way. Her kids are well behaved and respectful, and they say stuff like ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and volunteer to do chores. They live in a little town about an hour out of Albuquerque where everyone knows not to cross Emily. Everyone gathers at her and Bill’s house—all the school kids, the neighbors, the folks from church—and everyone is happy.”
She leaned close to see the photo when he held out the phone. The woman was a few years older than him, tall, lean, and really pretty in a wholesome-girl way. In the shot, she hugged her husband and kids close. Everyone is happy. They really looked it.
“But you didn’t stay there because…you’d already spent enough years under her thumb but in a good way?”
“Nah.” He gazed at the photo a moment with pure affection before looking back at Fia. “She and Bill have lived there six years. She loves it, and it works for her. It’s her place. But not mine.”
“How will you know your place when you find it?”
Even though his attention turned serious, there was still a hint of amusement in his eyes. Fia wondered if it ever totally went away. “I made a list once. Maybe sometime I’ll show it to you. In the meantime, let’s get this dinner on the grill.”
He stood, then offered his hand. She laid hers in it, liking the feel of his warm callused skin and the way his fingers folded around hers. With little effort, he pulled her to her feet. With just a little more, he could have pulled her into his arms. She would have been startled—or just plain happy—and he would have smiled and his blue eyes would have lit up. Her breathing would have gotten fast and shallow, and his slow and raspy, and then slowly he would have pulled her even
“It was kind of hard when they told me their plans. That ranch had been in my dad’s family since the 1880s. It had always been tough, but the Rosses always made a go of it, and I was afraid it would take a toll on them, losing it after all those years.” He smiled. “Turned out, he and Mom couldn’t wait to shake the dust of West Texas off their boots. They live outside Phoenix, a short drive to everything they could possibly need, and they have a lot of friends who’ve never set foot on a ranch or branded a cow or castrated a steer. They love it.”
For a brief moment, Fia wondered what her parents were doing with their lives. In the time she’d known them, neither one had ever held a job for any length of time. They had never accepted responsibility for that, either, or for anything else. They’d brought her into the world with no intention of taking care of her. When she was little, she’d wondered why. What was so wrong with her that even her mother and father couldn’t love her? What had she done to deserve their neglect?
It wasn’t her, Scott had insisted. The failings were her parents’; they’d been selfish, lazy, too focused on themselves. It was the first time anyone had told her she wasn’t to blame, and he’d been so sincere that she’d believed him. She had given up trying to love her mom and dad, had quit trying to maintain some semblance of a relationship with them.
But Lord, there was still a place way deep down inside her that wanted to know how a mother’s and father’s love felt. There was still a part of her that regretted she would never know.
Beside her, Elliot exhaled. “So I decided Arizona wasn’t for me, and I didn’t want to cramp Mom and Dad’s life by trying to fit in where I didn’t. Next I went to New Mexico and stayed a few weeks with Emily and her family.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, then began swiping one finger across the screen, scrolling through pictures fast enough to create a blur of color and activity. “You’d like Emily. She’s a tyrant but in a good way. Her kids are well behaved and respectful, and they say stuff like ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and volunteer to do chores. They live in a little town about an hour out of Albuquerque where everyone knows not to cross Emily. Everyone gathers at her and Bill’s house—all the school kids, the neighbors, the folks from church—and everyone is happy.”
She leaned close to see the photo when he held out the phone. The woman was a few years older than him, tall, lean, and really pretty in a wholesome-girl way. In the shot, she hugged her husband and kids close. Everyone is happy. They really looked it.
“But you didn’t stay there because…you’d already spent enough years under her thumb but in a good way?”
“Nah.” He gazed at the photo a moment with pure affection before looking back at Fia. “She and Bill have lived there six years. She loves it, and it works for her. It’s her place. But not mine.”
“How will you know your place when you find it?”
Even though his attention turned serious, there was still a hint of amusement in his eyes. Fia wondered if it ever totally went away. “I made a list once. Maybe sometime I’ll show it to you. In the meantime, let’s get this dinner on the grill.”
He stood, then offered his hand. She laid hers in it, liking the feel of his warm callused skin and the way his fingers folded around hers. With little effort, he pulled her to her feet. With just a little more, he could have pulled her into his arms. She would have been startled—or just plain happy—and he would have smiled and his blue eyes would have lit up. Her breathing would have gotten fast and shallow, and his slow and raspy, and then slowly he would have pulled her even
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