from before the fog could stick. Before the whisper of hands could ruin.
Kurt would be better. Kurtâs a clean slate. His hands are distant, pumping through the water, less intimate.
âMarion.â Lilith snaps me back to the present, only sheâs addressing the boys. âYou have no idea,â she says, laughing. âI kiss Marion all the time.â
What? That isnât true! My neck warms and I pick up my pace, refusing to look back, like I didnât hear.
Weâve only kissed once. And it wasnât a real kiss. Nothingâs a real kiss when youâre ten. We used to stay up late at night watching our favorite romance movies. Only wedidnât watch them so much as fast-forward through all the boring stuff until we got to the kisses: slow, hard, tongues, lips. It was a fascination. Only one night Lilith locked her bedroom door and asked if she could kiss me instead.
âYou know, so we can understand how to do it,â she explained. âLike practice.â
I gripped my pillow, wanting to watch the movie and forget this.
âI donât know,â I said, because I didnât. âYou mean open our mouths and use our tongues?â
âYeah.â Lilith nodded, sitting on the bed beside me. âItâll be like a science experiment.â
I didnât move.
âItâll be easy.â She nodded again. âWeâll just lean in and move our tongues around and see what happens.â
âJust move our tongues around?â
âLike they do in the movies.â
âAnd we wonât tell anyone?â
âOf course not!â Lilithâs eyes went wide.
I pressed my hands into her pink bedspread. I wanted kissing to be special, but I wanted to be good at it too. And this was Lilith.
If I could trust anybody, it would be her.
âOkay,â I whispered, looking at the floor. âWhat do I do?â
âClose your eyes!â she squealed, and I shut my lids.
I felt the bed shift as she shuffled up next to me. It was quiet and I waited, but she didnât do anything. I held mybreath and my body stiffened with the cold thought that she was playing a joke on me.
But then her mouth hit mine. It was solid and dry and I couldnât react before her lips opened up like a fishâs, globing wide and rubbery. I opened my mouth and we twisted our faces back and forth, jabbing our tongues at each other. She moaned like the ladies in the movies and gasped for air before pressing her hand against my chest and pinching me through my shirt. She pushed the fabric up and rubbed her hand over my front and I think she wanted me to touch her, too. Sheâd already started to grow in that area. I had nothing but flatness and skin.
When she stopped kissing me we both sat at the end of her bed in the awkward quiet. I ran my toes against the zipper of my Disney princess sleeping bag on the floor. The metal felt jagged and grounding.
âDid you feel anything?â she asked.
I stiffened, not sure what she meant. âDid you?â Panic spread in my gut. I tried to think of a lie, something that wouldnât hurt her feelings despite the slobbering and the moaning and whatever that was.
âNo,â she said. âI guess itâs different with boys.â
She got up and unlocked the door, as if nothing had happened. As if I wasnât sitting at the edge of her bed with my shirt half off and my lips still bruised with the taste of her.
A branch smacks my face and I wipe it away, hearing Lilith behind me.
âOh, you know itâs true,â she says, and I peek back to see theyâve caught up. âWeâre best friends,â she continues, catching my eye and taking my hand. âWe share everything.â
âYeah, right,â says Mark, the tallest, egging her on. âIâll believe it when I see it.â
âIâm sorry,â I say, pretending I donât know what this is about, trying to
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