Massachusetts. Everybody knew that except the King. What did he think all the shouting was about?! Duh. Okay, maybe we were a little over the top, but so what? We got to dress up like Indians and dump a thousand crates of tea into the harbor, and when that was over we put on uniforms and loaded up muskets and saluted a lot and if anybody’s thinking
“batter up,” no wonder.
Example : Rookie Tom Seaver, who looked like he was 12. Until he threw his first fastball. Suddenly the rest of the league figured out in a hurry that they’d just stepped into a bucket of shit. The same thing King George must have thought when he heard about John Paul Jones.
Travis—
If you straighten out the erasers one more time, I’m going to break your fucking fingers. Get laid, man.
—Ray
UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
UNIVERSITY PARK • LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA 90007
Doheny Library
Faculty Research Request
DATE: April 16, 1998
FROM: Travis Puckett
DEPARTMENT: History
BUILDING/ROOM: VKC/223
MATERIALS NEEDED
All periodicals referencing shortstop Dickey Pearce around 1860. And could you find out if he came from the South?
SPECIAL INSTRUCTIONS
Julian: Try to wear the blue shirt tomorrow. The one that makes your eyes twinkle.
Here’s the stuff you wanted on Dickey Pearce. From what I can make out, he had a so-so swing and a hot ass. And how should I know if he came from the South? What do I look like—his lover?
Come on, Sexy. Want to help me prove the link between the Brooklyn Atlantics and Reconstruction?
Travis, I’m 28. I go to circuit parties. I judge people by only two criteria: hot and buff. My life revolves around the pec deck and my mirror. I once spent an entire paycheck on a pair of underpants from Italy. Can you spell
‚shallow‛?
FROM THE JOURNAL OF
Travis Puckett
THE PUCKETT/DUBOISE DEBATES
TRAVIS: I can’t believe I called him Sexy.
GORDO: That’s it? You should have written “Take off your clothes.”
What’s this guy’s name?
TRAVIS: It’s Julian. He always grins at me when he gives me microfiche.
GORDO:Major event. T, wake up. Next month you’re going to be 38
and you still don’t have anybody to kick your butt or buy you a pizza or get naked with.
TRAVIS: What about Rick?
GORDO: Rick who?
TRAVIS: Rick from the Internet. We talk on the phone and he sends me e-mail.
GORDO: Ever boink him?
TRAVIS: No. He lives in Vegas.
GORDO: Nice town. You can fuck a whore but you can’t make a U-turn.
There are only two reasons I let Gordo move in with me: (1) I know I can trust him to keep his hands off my original cast recording of Illya Darling; and '2( over the last two decades, I’ve gotten used to the smell.
When he first decided to gamble on California twelve years ago, he was one of ten million waiterswith- screenplays residing tentatively in the City of Angels—albeit, with one foot out the door. But he got lucky on both fronts: Jerry’s Deli hired him to manage the takeout counter, which meant that we were able to live the high life for eighteen months on smoked salmon, Kosher brisket, and noodle kugel; and somebody at Universal actually bought Cellarful of Blood from him, seeing it as a vehicle for Bruce Willis and Mel Gibson. Instead, after four years in development, it premiered as an offbeat love story called One Special Summer, starring Gwyneth Paltrow and Emma Thompson, set in turn-of-the-century Kensington. Gordo’s name was nowhere to be found on the credits, but the $750,000 in underhanded option extensions had long before cleared the Bank of America. '“At least when they fuck you, it doesn’t hurt.”( Since then, he’s found something of a home at Universal: his grisly but historically accurate Murder at Tomahawk Ridge—after it had been “polished” by the director—was retitled He Loves, She Loves with Sandra Bullock and Ben Affleck, and set domestic box office records for a romantic comedy; while the dopey but genuinely funny
“batter up,” no wonder.
Example : Rookie Tom Seaver, who looked like he was 12. Until he threw his first fastball. Suddenly the rest of the league figured out in a hurry that they’d just stepped into a bucket of shit. The same thing King George must have thought when he heard about John Paul Jones.
Travis—
If you straighten out the erasers one more time, I’m going to break your fucking fingers. Get laid, man.
—Ray
UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
UNIVERSITY PARK • LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA 90007
Doheny Library
Faculty Research Request
DATE: April 16, 1998
FROM: Travis Puckett
DEPARTMENT: History
BUILDING/ROOM: VKC/223
MATERIALS NEEDED
All periodicals referencing shortstop Dickey Pearce around 1860. And could you find out if he came from the South?
SPECIAL INSTRUCTIONS
Julian: Try to wear the blue shirt tomorrow. The one that makes your eyes twinkle.
Here’s the stuff you wanted on Dickey Pearce. From what I can make out, he had a so-so swing and a hot ass. And how should I know if he came from the South? What do I look like—his lover?
Come on, Sexy. Want to help me prove the link between the Brooklyn Atlantics and Reconstruction?
Travis, I’m 28. I go to circuit parties. I judge people by only two criteria: hot and buff. My life revolves around the pec deck and my mirror. I once spent an entire paycheck on a pair of underpants from Italy. Can you spell
‚shallow‛?
FROM THE JOURNAL OF
Travis Puckett
THE PUCKETT/DUBOISE DEBATES
TRAVIS: I can’t believe I called him Sexy.
GORDO: That’s it? You should have written “Take off your clothes.”
What’s this guy’s name?
TRAVIS: It’s Julian. He always grins at me when he gives me microfiche.
GORDO:Major event. T, wake up. Next month you’re going to be 38
and you still don’t have anybody to kick your butt or buy you a pizza or get naked with.
TRAVIS: What about Rick?
GORDO: Rick who?
TRAVIS: Rick from the Internet. We talk on the phone and he sends me e-mail.
GORDO: Ever boink him?
TRAVIS: No. He lives in Vegas.
GORDO: Nice town. You can fuck a whore but you can’t make a U-turn.
There are only two reasons I let Gordo move in with me: (1) I know I can trust him to keep his hands off my original cast recording of Illya Darling; and '2( over the last two decades, I’ve gotten used to the smell.
When he first decided to gamble on California twelve years ago, he was one of ten million waiterswith- screenplays residing tentatively in the City of Angels—albeit, with one foot out the door. But he got lucky on both fronts: Jerry’s Deli hired him to manage the takeout counter, which meant that we were able to live the high life for eighteen months on smoked salmon, Kosher brisket, and noodle kugel; and somebody at Universal actually bought Cellarful of Blood from him, seeing it as a vehicle for Bruce Willis and Mel Gibson. Instead, after four years in development, it premiered as an offbeat love story called One Special Summer, starring Gwyneth Paltrow and Emma Thompson, set in turn-of-the-century Kensington. Gordo’s name was nowhere to be found on the credits, but the $750,000 in underhanded option extensions had long before cleared the Bank of America. '“At least when they fuck you, it doesn’t hurt.”( Since then, he’s found something of a home at Universal: his grisly but historically accurate Murder at Tomahawk Ridge—after it had been “polished” by the director—was retitled He Loves, She Loves with Sandra Bullock and Ben Affleck, and set domestic box office records for a romantic comedy; while the dopey but genuinely funny
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