was last here and she’s swimming in her clothes. Looking at her kills me and I want to cry for her but she beats me to it. She breaks when she sees me. Tears flood her eyes and she becomes a blubbering mess that I can’t understand. Reaching out for her, I grab Ari’s hand and pull her onto the porch so I can wrap my arm around her. Tucking her arms between us, she buries her face against my shoulder.
We stand like that for what seems like eternity but I don’t mind because it’s the most I’ve seen or heard from her in almost a year. It doesn’t matter that I can’t understand what she’s saying through the tears, just that she didn’t slam the door in my face. When she finally gets a grip on herself, I grab her hand and tug her down on the top step with me.
“How long have you been holdin’ that in?” I ask while laughing. It’s not that I find it funny, but we need something to lighten the mood.
“Oh ya know…since I found out that when I slammed the door in your face is when you came to tell me you got deployed. I could have lost you too and I didn’t even get a chance to tell you I loved you.”
“So a while, huh?”
Ari takes a breath and it shutters through her as she forces a laugh. “You could say that.” Turning to look at me, she finally notices the sling. “By the looks of it I came pretty close to never seeing you again.”
“Nah, nothin’ but a scratch, babe. A few weeks in the infirmary and a plane ride home. You don’t get rid of me that easily.”
“How about I don’t get rid of you at all?”
“OK,” I agree. “That works for me.”
“I’ll never be able to make up for how I acted. Saying I’m sorry won’t fix it, but I’m so sorry for how I treated you.”
I shake my head, trying not to make a fuss out of everything. I know how sorry she is without her even having to say anything about it. She had a reason to be upset then. “It’s fine, Ari. I’m more worried about you than I am about myself.”
“What?” She pulls back and stares at me. “Why would you be worried about me when you’re the one that was getting shot at every day?”
“Do you not see yourself in the mirror, babe? I barely recognized you when you opened the door. When is the last time you ate? Or slept? Or stepped outside in the sunlight?”
She curls into herself and I feel like an ass for saying anything, but I’m worried about her. Knox told me she looked like she had lost weight when I would call him, but since she kept shutting him out he never really got a good look. Unlike with me, he won’t just stroll into her house unannounced.
“I’ve been expecting you to show up for the past two days and you didn’t.” She changes the subject like she always does when she doesn’t want to talk about something, but unlike what I usually do, I let her this time.
“How’d you know I was home?”
Twisting the hem of her sweatshirt between her fingers keeps her from having to look at me. “Envy texted me when you were at the bar. She said two thirds of the Vagina Squad isn’t enough for her. I owe her an apology for being an ass to her too. Why didn’t you stop here sooner?”
“I wasn’t prepared to have the door slammed in my face again if you decided you didn’t want to see me. I needed to come to terms with why I was home already without thinkin’ about that possibility too. I figured out last night that I doubt I’ll ever be OK with why I’m home right now, but I couldn’t push off seein’ you anymore.” Turning toward her, I tuck one of my legs under the other. The longer I look at her, the more scared I am for her. “I missed you, Ari. This wasn’t what I expected when you opened the door, though.”
“I’m fine,” she lies, beginning to shut down in front of me.
I sigh and stand up, pacing as I try to keep my emotions in check. The last thing she needs right now is for me to break down on her “Is this how it’s gonna be now, Ariana? I have to sit here and
We stand like that for what seems like eternity but I don’t mind because it’s the most I’ve seen or heard from her in almost a year. It doesn’t matter that I can’t understand what she’s saying through the tears, just that she didn’t slam the door in my face. When she finally gets a grip on herself, I grab her hand and tug her down on the top step with me.
“How long have you been holdin’ that in?” I ask while laughing. It’s not that I find it funny, but we need something to lighten the mood.
“Oh ya know…since I found out that when I slammed the door in your face is when you came to tell me you got deployed. I could have lost you too and I didn’t even get a chance to tell you I loved you.”
“So a while, huh?”
Ari takes a breath and it shutters through her as she forces a laugh. “You could say that.” Turning to look at me, she finally notices the sling. “By the looks of it I came pretty close to never seeing you again.”
“Nah, nothin’ but a scratch, babe. A few weeks in the infirmary and a plane ride home. You don’t get rid of me that easily.”
“How about I don’t get rid of you at all?”
“OK,” I agree. “That works for me.”
“I’ll never be able to make up for how I acted. Saying I’m sorry won’t fix it, but I’m so sorry for how I treated you.”
I shake my head, trying not to make a fuss out of everything. I know how sorry she is without her even having to say anything about it. She had a reason to be upset then. “It’s fine, Ari. I’m more worried about you than I am about myself.”
“What?” She pulls back and stares at me. “Why would you be worried about me when you’re the one that was getting shot at every day?”
“Do you not see yourself in the mirror, babe? I barely recognized you when you opened the door. When is the last time you ate? Or slept? Or stepped outside in the sunlight?”
She curls into herself and I feel like an ass for saying anything, but I’m worried about her. Knox told me she looked like she had lost weight when I would call him, but since she kept shutting him out he never really got a good look. Unlike with me, he won’t just stroll into her house unannounced.
“I’ve been expecting you to show up for the past two days and you didn’t.” She changes the subject like she always does when she doesn’t want to talk about something, but unlike what I usually do, I let her this time.
“How’d you know I was home?”
Twisting the hem of her sweatshirt between her fingers keeps her from having to look at me. “Envy texted me when you were at the bar. She said two thirds of the Vagina Squad isn’t enough for her. I owe her an apology for being an ass to her too. Why didn’t you stop here sooner?”
“I wasn’t prepared to have the door slammed in my face again if you decided you didn’t want to see me. I needed to come to terms with why I was home already without thinkin’ about that possibility too. I figured out last night that I doubt I’ll ever be OK with why I’m home right now, but I couldn’t push off seein’ you anymore.” Turning toward her, I tuck one of my legs under the other. The longer I look at her, the more scared I am for her. “I missed you, Ari. This wasn’t what I expected when you opened the door, though.”
“I’m fine,” she lies, beginning to shut down in front of me.
I sigh and stand up, pacing as I try to keep my emotions in check. The last thing she needs right now is for me to break down on her “Is this how it’s gonna be now, Ariana? I have to sit here and
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