field guides about identifying with any
one child. But who could help it? Who can tell love what to do?
So Katie loved Lida Markinson and wanted, more than she ever had, to find a way to
heal a wounded spirit.
* * *
Norah was the one who sent a copy of the wedding announcement. Jonathon Gray Adams
had married Margaret Lauren Campbell. Jack and Maggie, the small print stated at the bottom of the announcement. It had been a small wedding
on the bride’s parents’ farm in central Alabama, no invitations, only announcements
after it was all over.
Katie read the card what seemed like a hundred times, and then Lida found Katie throwing
up behind a sage bush, and asked the one question that changed everything. “Are you
preggers or something?”
It was impossible. It was impossible, those were the words Katie told herself, like magic words, like a mantra, like an
enchanted wish.
She’d still believed that Jack, as mad as he’d seemed when she’d told him she was
staying to see it through with a young girl named Lida, would wait, but he hadn’t.
He hadn’t waited at all.
On an awful and bitterly cold November day, Katie was in Timber for a two-day reprieve.
From the crowded apartment, she finally called him. Her resolve had long since dissolved
and as soon as he answered, she was already crying. “I miss you so terribly,” she
said.
He was silent for a long while and Katie thought he’d hung up on her. Then he spoke.
“I can’t talk to you, Katie. If I do, I’ll ruin everything.” His voice cracked and,
with hope, she jumped into that small space.
“Please talk to me.”
“I can’t. I just can’t. I’m married.” He said each word as if it stood alone, as if
it explained everything there was to know.
“How did this happen? I mean, I was just there and told you I’d come back. How could
you.”
“I told you. I did tell you.”
“No.”
“I did tell you that I was falling in love with Maggie. And when you said for the
millionth time that you weren’t coming home, I vowed to myself that it would be the
last time I heard you say those words. That’s when I decided I was never going to
beg you again. That’s when I decided to ask Maggie to marry me.”
“Why didn’t you wait? I love you. This is crazy.”
“I think I’ll always love you, Katie, but I don’t want that life of being alone waiting
and waiting. I want this life where love is right here, right next to me.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I know, but don’t make me say things that will hurt you, Katie. Please. I don’t want
to think about you hurting.”
“Say it,” she said. “Say you love her more than me.”
“No,” he said quietly.
Everything in her that hurt and ached spoke these words. “When you kiss her, when
you touch her, when you’re with her, you’ll only think of me.”
“Oh, Katie. Don’t do this.”
She hung up on him because she didn’t have the words she needed—the exact right words
that would convince him that he was making a huge mistake. Why couldn’t he know what
she knew? That they were perfect together. That he was in the absolute wrong place.
That he’d needed to wait the littlest bit longer.
As the days stretched forward, Katie’s nausea grew worse. She fought through the desperate
need for sleep that fell over her like smothering and invisible gauze. Her T-shirts
stretched across her swelling breasts. And then came the slim, slow knowing, like
a cracked door in a dark room.
five
BIRMINGHAM, AL
2010
Phone calls made and suitcase packed, Kate headed for Alabama. She’d told Rowan that
she was going to check out a boutique, and her stomach flipped at the half truth,
or half lie. The six-hour drive crept through South Carolina, toward Georgia, and
then west to Alabama. Except for the Atlanta airport and the snakelike highways through
the big city, which would spin her into another direction with
one child. But who could help it? Who can tell love what to do?
So Katie loved Lida Markinson and wanted, more than she ever had, to find a way to
heal a wounded spirit.
* * *
Norah was the one who sent a copy of the wedding announcement. Jonathon Gray Adams
had married Margaret Lauren Campbell. Jack and Maggie, the small print stated at the bottom of the announcement. It had been a small wedding
on the bride’s parents’ farm in central Alabama, no invitations, only announcements
after it was all over.
Katie read the card what seemed like a hundred times, and then Lida found Katie throwing
up behind a sage bush, and asked the one question that changed everything. “Are you
preggers or something?”
It was impossible. It was impossible, those were the words Katie told herself, like magic words, like a mantra, like an
enchanted wish.
She’d still believed that Jack, as mad as he’d seemed when she’d told him she was
staying to see it through with a young girl named Lida, would wait, but he hadn’t.
He hadn’t waited at all.
On an awful and bitterly cold November day, Katie was in Timber for a two-day reprieve.
From the crowded apartment, she finally called him. Her resolve had long since dissolved
and as soon as he answered, she was already crying. “I miss you so terribly,” she
said.
He was silent for a long while and Katie thought he’d hung up on her. Then he spoke.
“I can’t talk to you, Katie. If I do, I’ll ruin everything.” His voice cracked and,
with hope, she jumped into that small space.
“Please talk to me.”
“I can’t. I just can’t. I’m married.” He said each word as if it stood alone, as if
it explained everything there was to know.
“How did this happen? I mean, I was just there and told you I’d come back. How could
you.”
“I told you. I did tell you.”
“No.”
“I did tell you that I was falling in love with Maggie. And when you said for the
millionth time that you weren’t coming home, I vowed to myself that it would be the
last time I heard you say those words. That’s when I decided I was never going to
beg you again. That’s when I decided to ask Maggie to marry me.”
“Why didn’t you wait? I love you. This is crazy.”
“I think I’ll always love you, Katie, but I don’t want that life of being alone waiting
and waiting. I want this life where love is right here, right next to me.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I know, but don’t make me say things that will hurt you, Katie. Please. I don’t want
to think about you hurting.”
“Say it,” she said. “Say you love her more than me.”
“No,” he said quietly.
Everything in her that hurt and ached spoke these words. “When you kiss her, when
you touch her, when you’re with her, you’ll only think of me.”
“Oh, Katie. Don’t do this.”
She hung up on him because she didn’t have the words she needed—the exact right words
that would convince him that he was making a huge mistake. Why couldn’t he know what
she knew? That they were perfect together. That he was in the absolute wrong place.
That he’d needed to wait the littlest bit longer.
As the days stretched forward, Katie’s nausea grew worse. She fought through the desperate
need for sleep that fell over her like smothering and invisible gauze. Her T-shirts
stretched across her swelling breasts. And then came the slim, slow knowing, like
a cracked door in a dark room.
five
BIRMINGHAM, AL
2010
Phone calls made and suitcase packed, Kate headed for Alabama. She’d told Rowan that
she was going to check out a boutique, and her stomach flipped at the half truth,
or half lie. The six-hour drive crept through South Carolina, toward Georgia, and
then west to Alabama. Except for the Atlanta airport and the snakelike highways through
the big city, which would spin her into another direction with
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