Anita Blake 15 - The Harlequin by Laurell K. Hamilton Page A

out of Nathaniel's love life. I did some stuff, nails, teeth, and I enjoyed it, but there were limits to my comfort level, and he'd been trying to push me past those limits in the last few weeks. I'd worried from the beginning that he wouldn't be happy with someone who was less into the bondage scene than he was, and that was exactly what was happening.
    "In some ways you make me feel better about myself than anyone ever has, Anita, but you also make me feel bad about myself. You make me feel like an evil freak, because of what I want."
    I found a parking spot just down the street from Guilty Pleasures's glowing neon sign. It was unusual to find parking this close to the club on a weekend. Parallel parking is not my best thing, so I concentrated on that, while part of me thought furiously about what to say to him.
    I finally got us parked and turned off the car. The silence was thicker than I wanted it to be. I turned as far as the seat belt would allow and looked at him. He stared out the window away from me.
    "I don't want to make you feel bad about yourself, Nathaniel. I love you, damn it."
    He nodded, then turned and looked at me. The streetlight glittered on tears. "I'm terrified that I'm going to drive you away. My therapist says that I'm either a full partner in the relationship, or I'm not. Full partners ask for their needs to be met."
    Truthfully, I'd thought his therapist would be on my side, but BDSM was no longer considered an illness. It was just another alternative lifestyle. Damn it.
    "I want you to get what you need out of our… out of us."
    "I'm not asking for that much, Anita. Just tie me up while we have sex. Then do what we would have done anyway. Nothing else."
    I leaned over and brushed the tears from his cheeks. "It's not the tying up, Nathaniel. It's that once I say yes to that, what's next? And don't tell me there isn't a next."
    "Tie me up, make love to me, and we'll go from there."
    "That's what scares me," I said. "I say yes to this, and there'll be something else."
    "And what's wrong with something else, Anita? What scares you isn't my needs, but that you might like it."
    "That's not fair."
    "Maybe not, but it's true. You like being held down during sex. You like it rough."
    "Not all the time."
    "And I don't like being tied up all the time, but I like it some of the time. Why is that wrong?"
    "I'm not sure I can meet all your needs, okay? It was one of the things that worried me about us as a couple from the beginning."
    "Then are you okay with me finding someone else to meet those needs? Sex with you, bondage with someone else?" He said it fast, as if he were afraid he'd lose his nerve.
    I just stared at him. "Where the hell did this come from?"
    "I'm trying to find out what the limits are, Anita, that's all."
    "Do you want someone else?" I asked it, because I had to ask.
    "No, but you have other people in your bed, and I'm okay with that, but if you won't meet my needs, then…"
    "Are you saying that if I don't come across, you'll break up with me?"
    "No, no." He hid his face with his hands and made a frustrated noise. His energy level swirled back through the car, like hot water spilling across my skin. He swallowed the power back and looked at me. He looked pained. "I need this, Anita. I want to do it with you, but I need it with someone. It's part of who I am sexually; it just is."
    I tried to wrap my mind around letting Nathaniel play sex games with someone else, then come home to me. I couldn't do it. He was right; I was forcing him to share me with other men, but sharing him with another woman… "So what, you'd have tie-up games with someone else, then come home to me?"
    "I can find a master who doesn't do sexual contact. I can find someone who will just do the bondage."
    "But bondage is sex for you."
    He nodded. "Sometimes."
    "I can't do this tonight, Nathaniel."
    "I'm not asking you to; just think about it. Decide what you want me to do."
    "You're giving me an ultimatum; I don't deal