Babyville by Jane Green Page B

but I can't even think that there is a living breathing baby inside her. I can't believe that I haven't got one too.” Tears fill her eyes as she finishes this, and a huge sob, fueled by champagne, hangs in the air as Julia runs out of the room, engulfed by disappointment and loss.
    Mark stands up to follow her, but the look on his face is one of weariness, and Bella shakes her head and says that she will go; that it's okay; that Julia will be fine. Mark sits back down, grateful for not having to deal with this display of emotion, for not having to deal with the blame, because of course he knows that Julia blames him.
    All Mark wants is to be happy. If Julia wants to have a baby, if it will make her happy, Mark wants it too. If Julia wants to see a fertility expert, Mark wants it too. If Julia wants to not have children for the rest of their lives, that will also be fine.
    The problem is that Mark has never sat down and thought about what he wants. Perhaps it's time he did.

5
    Work hasn't been going
too well for Julia recently. She spends more and more time lost in a daydream; her researchers have to fight to get her attention, force her to make a decision.
    On Monday her phone rings on her desk, disturbing her latest reverie.
    “Julia? Mike here.” Mike Jones. Director of Programming. Her mentor.
    “Hi, Mike. Everything okay?”
    “Julia, I'd like you to come and see me. Have you got a moment now?” In the old days this would have set her pulse racing: Perhaps she was being given an exciting new project. In the very old days, when she was young and inexperienced, and not part of the furniture here, her pulse would have been racing for fear of being sacked.
    Today her pulse doesn't even bother to speed up.
    She stands up wearily and scrapes her hair back as Johnny, her protégé and right-hand man, looks at her sadly, wondering what happened to the bright, vibrant woman who had employed him and steered him from runner to producer. They used to laugh all the time, she and Johnny, but she is too distracted these days to even crack a smile. He knows about the baby stuff. God, who doesn't. But he doesn't understand why she's letting it get to her so much.
    Sometimes he thinks he should tell her about the rumors. Tell her that people are muttering that she's lost it, that it won't be long before she's given the boot, but then again, these are only rumors, and if they're not true he's one messenger who doesn't want to get shot.
    That's another thing. She never used to have a temper. Her team used to adore her, they'd go out regularly after work and drink themselves stupid, and Julia was always up for the crack. Now she's far more likely to shout, or belittle, or patronize. The worst thing is that most of the time he can see she has absolutely no clue she's doing it.
    Her friends at work have turned against her, and Johnny's only sticking by her because of a shared history, and because he's praying that this is temporary, that one day soon she'll be the old Julia again.
    “Off somewhere?” he says, as she starts slowly walking out, a far cry from the dynamo of old, so busy she didn't walk anywhere, she whirled.
    “Oh.” She turns, blinking her eyes to bring her back to reality. “Just up to see Mike. Shouldn't be long. He probably wants to give me a bollocking about all those complaints.” Her last show,
Summer Fling,
sent singles off to the Mediterranean in search of love, but most of the time they ended up with booze and sex, and more than a smattering of bad language. Although the ratings were great, the complaints had gone through the roof.
    “I hope you're right,” Johnny says, almost under his breath as he turns back to his computer screen.
    Julia turns at the door. “What?”
    “Oh, nothing. Nothing.”
     
    The
lift doors open, Julia steps in, deep in thought, and as the door closes she looks up.
    “Shit. I thought this was going up,” she mutters.
    “Julia?”
    She struggles for a few seconds to remember