speaking feverishly. "You gotta fart, Jayne. You've gotta break the spell. Fart for all you're worth! Fart, fart, fart! Let your butt sing!"
"I'm not going to do that, Tim!" The panic was taking hold of me, turning my insides to liquid. I thought I'd felt sick before, but I was wrong. Now I was feeling positively awful.
"What's he saying?" yelled Tony.
"He's telling me to fart! He thinks it will break the spell."
"Do it then!" Tony encouraged.
I couldn't believe my luck; if it weren't for bad luck, I'd have none at all. "I can't do that on command! And even if I could, I wouldn't!" I had a thing about that. No way was I exposing that part of my life to my guy-friends. No friggin way.
"Do it, Jayne. Seriously." Tony was looking up at the sky, fear etched in his face.
I decided to try the other possible spell-breaking trick. "La-la-la-LAAAAAAAAAA!!" I yelled, as high as I could.
"Oh, boy. She's really lost it now. We're doomed." Tim was making a sad face in front of me, moving his hands in the sign of the cross over and over again.
"I'm not losing it. I'm trying to break the spell. Yell again, Tim. Yell like you did earlier!"
The sulfur smell was overwhelming now, and the dragon roared again, making me wonder what kind of freaky magic was making a sheepdog smell so friggin strong and sound so damn awful. I was pretty sure the sound I'd just heard had come not from a sheepdog, but from a T-Rex.
Tim opened his mouth and sang loudly and shrilly. "Tra-la-laaaaaa, tra-la-laaaaa!"
"Louder!" I yelled, the anxiety nearly choking me, making my voice go higher.
"TRA-LA-LAAAAAAA!"
"Fart, Tim! Fart!" I yelled, panic lacing my voice. The fact that I was begging my roommate to pass gas right in front of my face showed how desperate I was.
"How dare you suggest I do such a thing," he said, sniffing and turning away from me.
I pleaded with him, close to tears now. "Tim, I hardly ever ask you to do anything for me, and I never ask you to do this . But I'm begging you now. Fart! Blow your butt smoke like you've never done before! Set me free with your gas!"
"You're making me too nervous!" he yelled, spinning back around and glancing with panic at the sky, stopping every half a second to strain and grunt, twisting and bending his torso around.
"You're never too nervous to fart!" I growled at him. "Please, for the love of all faedom, put me in the gas chamber. Light up the night, Tim. Show us what you've got."
"Errrrr .... mmmm ... can't ... do it ... aaahhhh ... eeeee ... errrr ..." Tim's face was turning beet red with his exertions.
I heard the beating of mighty wings before I saw them. My brain was short-circuiting, unable to jibe the dragons I knew from the tapestry with the sounds I was hearing behind me.
I twisted mightily against my invisible noose, unsuccessfully trying to turn myself around. Despite my best efforts, which included a strained rib muscle, I remained upside down, facing Tony.
Tim looked up from his attempts to break wind and screeched, flying away and zooming down to join Tony at the door as he yelled, "She's gonna fry! She's gonna fry! Do something, wrathe-boy!"
"Jayne, look out!" Tony yelled, cringing behind the door.
Spike disappeared into the trees, sprinting without looking back.
"Coward!" I yelled after him, struggling gamely against the spell keeping me trussed up like a pheasant, ignoring the pain coming from my side. "I'm gonna kick your friggin ass when I see you again, demon-Spike!"
A hot gust of air hit the back of my body, bringing with it the most awful odor of boiled eggs I've ever had the misfortune to smell, making me cease my struggles and freeze every muscle in my body. I battled to conquer the quickly suffocating disgust and fear, breathing in deeply to calm myself.
The horrible odor filling my nostrils made me want to vomit. "Holy fuck , what is that
"I'm not going to do that, Tim!" The panic was taking hold of me, turning my insides to liquid. I thought I'd felt sick before, but I was wrong. Now I was feeling positively awful.
"What's he saying?" yelled Tony.
"He's telling me to fart! He thinks it will break the spell."
"Do it then!" Tony encouraged.
I couldn't believe my luck; if it weren't for bad luck, I'd have none at all. "I can't do that on command! And even if I could, I wouldn't!" I had a thing about that. No way was I exposing that part of my life to my guy-friends. No friggin way.
"Do it, Jayne. Seriously." Tony was looking up at the sky, fear etched in his face.
I decided to try the other possible spell-breaking trick. "La-la-la-LAAAAAAAAAA!!" I yelled, as high as I could.
"Oh, boy. She's really lost it now. We're doomed." Tim was making a sad face in front of me, moving his hands in the sign of the cross over and over again.
"I'm not losing it. I'm trying to break the spell. Yell again, Tim. Yell like you did earlier!"
The sulfur smell was overwhelming now, and the dragon roared again, making me wonder what kind of freaky magic was making a sheepdog smell so friggin strong and sound so damn awful. I was pretty sure the sound I'd just heard had come not from a sheepdog, but from a T-Rex.
Tim opened his mouth and sang loudly and shrilly. "Tra-la-laaaaaa, tra-la-laaaaa!"
"Louder!" I yelled, the anxiety nearly choking me, making my voice go higher.
"TRA-LA-LAAAAAAA!"
"Fart, Tim! Fart!" I yelled, panic lacing my voice. The fact that I was begging my roommate to pass gas right in front of my face showed how desperate I was.
"How dare you suggest I do such a thing," he said, sniffing and turning away from me.
I pleaded with him, close to tears now. "Tim, I hardly ever ask you to do anything for me, and I never ask you to do this . But I'm begging you now. Fart! Blow your butt smoke like you've never done before! Set me free with your gas!"
"You're making me too nervous!" he yelled, spinning back around and glancing with panic at the sky, stopping every half a second to strain and grunt, twisting and bending his torso around.
"You're never too nervous to fart!" I growled at him. "Please, for the love of all faedom, put me in the gas chamber. Light up the night, Tim. Show us what you've got."
"Errrrr .... mmmm ... can't ... do it ... aaahhhh ... eeeee ... errrr ..." Tim's face was turning beet red with his exertions.
I heard the beating of mighty wings before I saw them. My brain was short-circuiting, unable to jibe the dragons I knew from the tapestry with the sounds I was hearing behind me.
I twisted mightily against my invisible noose, unsuccessfully trying to turn myself around. Despite my best efforts, which included a strained rib muscle, I remained upside down, facing Tony.
Tim looked up from his attempts to break wind and screeched, flying away and zooming down to join Tony at the door as he yelled, "She's gonna fry! She's gonna fry! Do something, wrathe-boy!"
"Jayne, look out!" Tony yelled, cringing behind the door.
Spike disappeared into the trees, sprinting without looking back.
"Coward!" I yelled after him, struggling gamely against the spell keeping me trussed up like a pheasant, ignoring the pain coming from my side. "I'm gonna kick your friggin ass when I see you again, demon-Spike!"
A hot gust of air hit the back of my body, bringing with it the most awful odor of boiled eggs I've ever had the misfortune to smell, making me cease my struggles and freeze every muscle in my body. I battled to conquer the quickly suffocating disgust and fear, breathing in deeply to calm myself.
The horrible odor filling my nostrils made me want to vomit. "Holy fuck , what is that
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