spelled!"
"Do something, Jayne!" he shrieked. "Use The Green! Offer it your virgin sacrifice! Flash it your boobs! Something! Anything!"
"What is it with the boob-flashing, Tim?! My boobs are not going to help either of us!"
Tim was crying hysterically now, yammering almost incoherently. "Boobs schmoobs. You guard 'em like they're the holy grail. Maybe exposing them will cause a cataclysmic event! Maybe they'll save my life! You never know! Boobs! Green power!! I'm trapped!! I can't fly, I can't fly, I can't fly! Oh, my child will never know me! Abby will blame me for this, I know she will. Damn she-pixies with their rules and expectations! Ack! I'm dying! I'm dying inside!! It's happening!! Life is over before it has begun!! All my years in the service of others, undercover, saving humanity time and time again. Elf on the shelf, elf on the shelf! All for naught! All for na-ha-ha-haaaaught!" His blubbering took away any more last-words he might have had for us.
"Fascinating," was all Spike said, shaking his head slowly, studying the pixie in crisis.
I nodded. My roommate had finally cracked under the pressure. Yet his complete freak-out somehow inspired me to come up with a plan.
"Spike, I need you to watch my back. I'm going to find someone to help us."
He arched an eyebrow. "By all means. I await your next move."
I stuck my tongue out at him before closing my eyes. Come on, Tones. I know you're out there, buddy. Talk to me. Find me. I'm over here in the Underworld and I FUCKING NEED YOU NOW!!
CHAPTER TEN
I SAW NOTHING IN MY mind but blackness. I kept up my chanting, focusing on sending out the strongest emotions I could muster. I knew Tony would never let me down, even if there was just a tiny spark of my presence in his mind. If he could hear me or vibe me or somehow sense I was in deep doo doo like I was now, with dragon stink filling my nostrils with nastiness, he'd find a way to get here and rescue my sorry butt.
Tony, I need you. I'm probably going to die over here, and I'm pretty sure dying in the Underworld isn't any more pleasant than it is in the Here and Now. I don't belong here! I don't, I swear! It was a mistake! Please come rescue me. Tony, please, I'll do anything you want. I'll cut your hair good next time. I'll totally be okay with you doing it daily with Felicia. I'll ... shit, I'll stop cussing!
"Jayne, I think it's a really bad idea to promise things you can't possibly deliver. It's bad karma."
I opened my eyes and shouted, "Tony, you're here!" My head jerked left and right, trying to figure out where his voice had come from.
Spike was pointing.
Following the direction of his finger, my eyes were drawn to the Ancient, specifically to the door that was cut into its base. That door was open, and Tony's head was sticking out of the entrance to Maggie's place.
"Oh, thank everything that is holy and unholy ... Tony, you're here!!" I screamed. "Tim, look! It's Tony!"
Tim was still blubbering, but at least he seemed a little less unhinged. "Tony, oh, sweet Jesus, please get me down from here and take me back to my family. I don't want to be dragon kibble. I don't want to be roasted and put into a dragon risotto. I'd be bitter, I know I would! They'd hate it, but by the time they realized it, it'd be too late!"
Tony smiled in a mostly confused way. "What's he talking about?"
"Nothing. He's gone bananas. Just get us out of here. The dragon is coming."
The door opened wider and Tony leaned out. "I need you to come over here and take my hand. I can't step out of the Gray." He stretched his hand out towards me.
Nothing had ever looked so welcoming or loving in my life as his skinny arm did right now. "Tony, I want run over there right this second and grab your hand like you wouldn't believe, but
"Do something, Jayne!" he shrieked. "Use The Green! Offer it your virgin sacrifice! Flash it your boobs! Something! Anything!"
"What is it with the boob-flashing, Tim?! My boobs are not going to help either of us!"
Tim was crying hysterically now, yammering almost incoherently. "Boobs schmoobs. You guard 'em like they're the holy grail. Maybe exposing them will cause a cataclysmic event! Maybe they'll save my life! You never know! Boobs! Green power!! I'm trapped!! I can't fly, I can't fly, I can't fly! Oh, my child will never know me! Abby will blame me for this, I know she will. Damn she-pixies with their rules and expectations! Ack! I'm dying! I'm dying inside!! It's happening!! Life is over before it has begun!! All my years in the service of others, undercover, saving humanity time and time again. Elf on the shelf, elf on the shelf! All for naught! All for na-ha-ha-haaaaught!" His blubbering took away any more last-words he might have had for us.
"Fascinating," was all Spike said, shaking his head slowly, studying the pixie in crisis.
I nodded. My roommate had finally cracked under the pressure. Yet his complete freak-out somehow inspired me to come up with a plan.
"Spike, I need you to watch my back. I'm going to find someone to help us."
He arched an eyebrow. "By all means. I await your next move."
I stuck my tongue out at him before closing my eyes. Come on, Tones. I know you're out there, buddy. Talk to me. Find me. I'm over here in the Underworld and I FUCKING NEED YOU NOW!!
CHAPTER TEN
I SAW NOTHING IN MY mind but blackness. I kept up my chanting, focusing on sending out the strongest emotions I could muster. I knew Tony would never let me down, even if there was just a tiny spark of my presence in his mind. If he could hear me or vibe me or somehow sense I was in deep doo doo like I was now, with dragon stink filling my nostrils with nastiness, he'd find a way to get here and rescue my sorry butt.
Tony, I need you. I'm probably going to die over here, and I'm pretty sure dying in the Underworld isn't any more pleasant than it is in the Here and Now. I don't belong here! I don't, I swear! It was a mistake! Please come rescue me. Tony, please, I'll do anything you want. I'll cut your hair good next time. I'll totally be okay with you doing it daily with Felicia. I'll ... shit, I'll stop cussing!
"Jayne, I think it's a really bad idea to promise things you can't possibly deliver. It's bad karma."
I opened my eyes and shouted, "Tony, you're here!" My head jerked left and right, trying to figure out where his voice had come from.
Spike was pointing.
Following the direction of his finger, my eyes were drawn to the Ancient, specifically to the door that was cut into its base. That door was open, and Tony's head was sticking out of the entrance to Maggie's place.
"Oh, thank everything that is holy and unholy ... Tony, you're here!!" I screamed. "Tim, look! It's Tony!"
Tim was still blubbering, but at least he seemed a little less unhinged. "Tony, oh, sweet Jesus, please get me down from here and take me back to my family. I don't want to be dragon kibble. I don't want to be roasted and put into a dragon risotto. I'd be bitter, I know I would! They'd hate it, but by the time they realized it, it'd be too late!"
Tony smiled in a mostly confused way. "What's he talking about?"
"Nothing. He's gone bananas. Just get us out of here. The dragon is coming."
The door opened wider and Tony leaned out. "I need you to come over here and take my hand. I can't step out of the Gray." He stretched his hand out towards me.
Nothing had ever looked so welcoming or loving in my life as his skinny arm did right now. "Tony, I want run over there right this second and grab your hand like you wouldn't believe, but
Similar Books
