had this incredible sex, and afterward, he pulled one of those little black boxes from his pants pocket and proposed."
"And you said yes, right?" I didn't answer immediately, and Jamie freaked. "Oh. My. God. You didn't. You hesitated. "
"I was scared! You know how I am about marriage, and my parents. I...yeah. I hesitated. I told him I needed to think about it."
"You needed to think about it." Jamie repeated my words like they were an accusation. "You're an idiot. If he loves you, and you love him, what is there to think about?"
"I'm not done, Jay," I sipped my steaming tea, and then started again. "He took it pretty well, I guess. Told me he understood how it might be a surprise and to take as much time as I needed. I wanted to say yes, I really did, but I just...I couldn't. Some part of me wouldn't let me. I don't know. Well, we had a gig the next day. At the fucking Dive, of all places."
"Isn't that where you used to sing with Chase?"
I nodded. "Yeah. Exactly. Well, we get through the shift okay, and then I took a break near the end. When I came back in, Jeff had this weird look on his face. I wasn't sure what to make of it, but then I saw him. "
"No! Chase showed up?" Jamie covered her mouth with a hand, leaning forward.
"Just wait. It gets better."
"How could it get better?" Jamie demanded. "Jeff proposes, you say 'I'll think about it,' and then Chase shows up?"
"He looked different, so I didn't recognize him at first. He'd shaved his head—"
"Oooh! Does it look good on him? Not all guys can pull off that look."
"Yes, of course it looks good on him. The man can make a paper bag look sexy. With his head shaved, his eyes are just that much more vivid. He'd also gauged his ears and gotten a new tatt, and I'm not always a huge fan of ear gauging, but again, it's Chase, so it works."
"What happened?" Jamie slapped the table. "Get on with it!"
"You're the one who keeps interrupting!" I said, exasperated. "So any way, I saw him, but I didn't have time to do anything. He has a microphone, and he's got the lights on him, and he turns, sees me coming in from the side door, and he fixes me with this intense, typical Chase stare. Now, keep in mind I haven't seen or spoken to him since New York. He called and left all these voicemails, sent me a million texts. You remember. Well, I didn't answer any of them. It had been over a month since I'd been back here, and it had seemed like he'd given up. So then he shows up out of the blue, where I'm working. With Jeff, who just proposed. Of course, Chase had no way of knowing that, but still."
"What did he do? What'd he say?"
"God, impatient much? I'm getting there. So he's got everyone's attention. He just...he commands the room, you know? He doesn't even have to try. He's got that larger-than-life magnetism. So everyone was looking. I mean everyone.
"And then he proposed."
" What? Are you fucking serious?" Jamie seemed nearly apoplectic. "He shows up out of the blue, after not having spoken to you in, like, two months, and then he asks you to marry him? In public?"
"Exactly. I nearly had a heart attack. I mean for real, I think my heart actually did skip a few beats."
"What did you do?"
"I freaked! I ran like a bat out of hell. I swear, in the seconds before I ran out the door, you could hear a pin drop. I've heard the expression before, you know? But have you ever actually been in a room full of people that is completely and totally silent, with every single eye on you, waiting for your response? It's absolutely terrifying. It's worse than fucking up a performance. With that, you have the music to prompt you, you can keep going and everyone knows, but the song keeps going. This was so much worse. I wanted to die."
Jamie, for all her bravado and manic energy, truly did love me and understand me. "Oh, honey. I can't even begin to imagine what that must have been like. How did Jeff take it?"
I winced. "He had a glass of Coke in his hand when Chase proposed, and
"And you said yes, right?" I didn't answer immediately, and Jamie freaked. "Oh. My. God. You didn't. You hesitated. "
"I was scared! You know how I am about marriage, and my parents. I...yeah. I hesitated. I told him I needed to think about it."
"You needed to think about it." Jamie repeated my words like they were an accusation. "You're an idiot. If he loves you, and you love him, what is there to think about?"
"I'm not done, Jay," I sipped my steaming tea, and then started again. "He took it pretty well, I guess. Told me he understood how it might be a surprise and to take as much time as I needed. I wanted to say yes, I really did, but I just...I couldn't. Some part of me wouldn't let me. I don't know. Well, we had a gig the next day. At the fucking Dive, of all places."
"Isn't that where you used to sing with Chase?"
I nodded. "Yeah. Exactly. Well, we get through the shift okay, and then I took a break near the end. When I came back in, Jeff had this weird look on his face. I wasn't sure what to make of it, but then I saw him. "
"No! Chase showed up?" Jamie covered her mouth with a hand, leaning forward.
"Just wait. It gets better."
"How could it get better?" Jamie demanded. "Jeff proposes, you say 'I'll think about it,' and then Chase shows up?"
"He looked different, so I didn't recognize him at first. He'd shaved his head—"
"Oooh! Does it look good on him? Not all guys can pull off that look."
"Yes, of course it looks good on him. The man can make a paper bag look sexy. With his head shaved, his eyes are just that much more vivid. He'd also gauged his ears and gotten a new tatt, and I'm not always a huge fan of ear gauging, but again, it's Chase, so it works."
"What happened?" Jamie slapped the table. "Get on with it!"
"You're the one who keeps interrupting!" I said, exasperated. "So any way, I saw him, but I didn't have time to do anything. He has a microphone, and he's got the lights on him, and he turns, sees me coming in from the side door, and he fixes me with this intense, typical Chase stare. Now, keep in mind I haven't seen or spoken to him since New York. He called and left all these voicemails, sent me a million texts. You remember. Well, I didn't answer any of them. It had been over a month since I'd been back here, and it had seemed like he'd given up. So then he shows up out of the blue, where I'm working. With Jeff, who just proposed. Of course, Chase had no way of knowing that, but still."
"What did he do? What'd he say?"
"God, impatient much? I'm getting there. So he's got everyone's attention. He just...he commands the room, you know? He doesn't even have to try. He's got that larger-than-life magnetism. So everyone was looking. I mean everyone.
"And then he proposed."
" What? Are you fucking serious?" Jamie seemed nearly apoplectic. "He shows up out of the blue, after not having spoken to you in, like, two months, and then he asks you to marry him? In public?"
"Exactly. I nearly had a heart attack. I mean for real, I think my heart actually did skip a few beats."
"What did you do?"
"I freaked! I ran like a bat out of hell. I swear, in the seconds before I ran out the door, you could hear a pin drop. I've heard the expression before, you know? But have you ever actually been in a room full of people that is completely and totally silent, with every single eye on you, waiting for your response? It's absolutely terrifying. It's worse than fucking up a performance. With that, you have the music to prompt you, you can keep going and everyone knows, but the song keeps going. This was so much worse. I wanted to die."
Jamie, for all her bravado and manic energy, truly did love me and understand me. "Oh, honey. I can't even begin to imagine what that must have been like. How did Jeff take it?"
I winced. "He had a glass of Coke in his hand when Chase proposed, and
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