he loved me enough to let me go, if I decided I wanted to be with Chase instead. He just wanted me to be happy."
"He said that?" Jamie seemed choked up at the idea, though she kept it under control.
"Yeah. He just held me, let me talk, let me cry. When a guy knows whether to just hold you and let you cry or talk to you and try to make it better, you know he really knows your heart."
"And Jeff knows you like that?"
"Yes, he does."
"So is that when you knew?"
I shook my head. "No. I knew when I couldn't imagine a day without him in it. I knew when making love to him wasn't just a physical thing anymore. It was an all of me thing."
Jamie slipped the cardboard sleeve off the paper cup and started ripping it into pieces, not looking at me. "Sounds great."
"Jamie—"
"No, seriously. I'm happy for you. Jealous as hell, I don't mind admitting." She finally met my eyes. "If you fuck this up with Jeff, I swear I will kill you."
"I know. Believe me, I know."
"So you said yes to Jeff?"
"Yeah. Last night. I saw Chase today. I got back from talking to him just before you did."
"So you told Chase no, then?" Jamie asked. I nodded. "How did he take it?"
"Not well. Not well at all. I mean, how do you take something like that? Is there a good way?" I ripped the tag from the tea bag between my fingers and added it to the pile Jamie was making with the cup sleeve. "He argued. He protested. He was mad."
"Can you blame him? You're amazing. And you didn't really give him a chance, did you?"
I shrugged. "It doesn't matter. I'm convinced it wouldn't have worked. I love Jeff. I belong with Jeff."
"So did Chase go back to New York?"
"I don't know. I'm assuming so."
Silence for a bit, then, "So when is the wedding?"
I laughed. "I don't know. We haven't exactly discussed any of that yet. I just told him yes last night, and I haven't seen him yet today. He's helping a buddy move. We're going out later."
Jamie nodded and stood up, scooped our trash into her empty cup, and threw it away. "Well, like I said, I'm glad for you. I'll help you plan your wedding when you're ready. Just...be smart, okay? I love you too much to watch you mess this up."
"What's that mean?" I asked, irritated. "Why do you keep thinking I'd mess this up?"
She shrugged. "Because we're alike. And I'd totally mess it up."
"Give yourself more credit, Jay. And me."
She laughed as she closed her bedroom door. "Credit where credit is due, Anna. You nearly did mess it up, you know." She opened the door again, poked her head out, and said, "If Chase shows up again, just say no. And then send him my way."
I just sighed at that. She was incorrigible.
I took a shower and spent a long time doing my hair and makeup for my date with Jeff later that night. I was still wrapped in a towel, not having decided on what to wear, when the door buzzed. I was expecting Jeff, so I didn't even think twice about hitting the buzzer and opening my apartment door. My towel was loosely wrapped around my chest, a toothbrush in my mouth as I held the door open. Expecting Jeff, I started to loosen the towel, thinking I would give him a surprise before we left. The thought had my juices flowing, anticipation of Jeff's hands on me, his lips on me.
Chase clumped in his shit-kicker boots into the entryway. Shock hit me like a bolt of lightning. I started to close the door in his face, simply out of self-preservation. His eyes were dark with desire, his hands shoved into the pockets of his tight leather pants, stubble smeared across his face and scalp. His face was twisted with a haze of emotion, and I felt the familiar rush of uncontrollable desire for him pierce through me, riding the heat of my already aroused hormones.
He took a step toward me, and then another. I backed up one step, but then he caught me in his strong arms and crushed me against him.
Conflict warred in me. I struggled with my desire, with guilt, struggled against his implacable strength.
And then he kissed me, and
"He said that?" Jamie seemed choked up at the idea, though she kept it under control.
"Yeah. He just held me, let me talk, let me cry. When a guy knows whether to just hold you and let you cry or talk to you and try to make it better, you know he really knows your heart."
"And Jeff knows you like that?"
"Yes, he does."
"So is that when you knew?"
I shook my head. "No. I knew when I couldn't imagine a day without him in it. I knew when making love to him wasn't just a physical thing anymore. It was an all of me thing."
Jamie slipped the cardboard sleeve off the paper cup and started ripping it into pieces, not looking at me. "Sounds great."
"Jamie—"
"No, seriously. I'm happy for you. Jealous as hell, I don't mind admitting." She finally met my eyes. "If you fuck this up with Jeff, I swear I will kill you."
"I know. Believe me, I know."
"So you said yes to Jeff?"
"Yeah. Last night. I saw Chase today. I got back from talking to him just before you did."
"So you told Chase no, then?" Jamie asked. I nodded. "How did he take it?"
"Not well. Not well at all. I mean, how do you take something like that? Is there a good way?" I ripped the tag from the tea bag between my fingers and added it to the pile Jamie was making with the cup sleeve. "He argued. He protested. He was mad."
"Can you blame him? You're amazing. And you didn't really give him a chance, did you?"
I shrugged. "It doesn't matter. I'm convinced it wouldn't have worked. I love Jeff. I belong with Jeff."
"So did Chase go back to New York?"
"I don't know. I'm assuming so."
Silence for a bit, then, "So when is the wedding?"
I laughed. "I don't know. We haven't exactly discussed any of that yet. I just told him yes last night, and I haven't seen him yet today. He's helping a buddy move. We're going out later."
Jamie nodded and stood up, scooped our trash into her empty cup, and threw it away. "Well, like I said, I'm glad for you. I'll help you plan your wedding when you're ready. Just...be smart, okay? I love you too much to watch you mess this up."
"What's that mean?" I asked, irritated. "Why do you keep thinking I'd mess this up?"
She shrugged. "Because we're alike. And I'd totally mess it up."
"Give yourself more credit, Jay. And me."
She laughed as she closed her bedroom door. "Credit where credit is due, Anna. You nearly did mess it up, you know." She opened the door again, poked her head out, and said, "If Chase shows up again, just say no. And then send him my way."
I just sighed at that. She was incorrigible.
I took a shower and spent a long time doing my hair and makeup for my date with Jeff later that night. I was still wrapped in a towel, not having decided on what to wear, when the door buzzed. I was expecting Jeff, so I didn't even think twice about hitting the buzzer and opening my apartment door. My towel was loosely wrapped around my chest, a toothbrush in my mouth as I held the door open. Expecting Jeff, I started to loosen the towel, thinking I would give him a surprise before we left. The thought had my juices flowing, anticipation of Jeff's hands on me, his lips on me.
Chase clumped in his shit-kicker boots into the entryway. Shock hit me like a bolt of lightning. I started to close the door in his face, simply out of self-preservation. His eyes were dark with desire, his hands shoved into the pockets of his tight leather pants, stubble smeared across his face and scalp. His face was twisted with a haze of emotion, and I felt the familiar rush of uncontrollable desire for him pierce through me, riding the heat of my already aroused hormones.
He took a step toward me, and then another. I backed up one step, but then he caught me in his strong arms and crushed me against him.
Conflict warred in me. I struggled with my desire, with guilt, struggled against his implacable strength.
And then he kissed me, and
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