master's. Find an executive leadership program. Something.
But don't stay here. This is a dead end."
I nodded vigorously.
Steve and I helped Cissy to her car. I didn't
know what else to say other than goodbye. It all happened so
fast.
"Well champ, that leaves us. The only two
people at Magdalene with any goddamn sense."
"This is crazy," I said. "It's just been us
against the world for so long. I can't believe she's gone."
"Life is more than a paycheck, Justin. You
know that."
I nodded. Steve and I stood on the porch in
silence for a few minutes. A Metrobus stopped in front of the
Masonic hall across the street. Once it pulled off, I saw Dante
walking toward Thayer Street. He glanced over at me, kept walking,
then stopped and glanced again. He raised his hand in the air and
smiled. I forced a smile and a wave back. He beamed.
My life was filled with constants like
paychecks and bills, but I had taken for granted that the sector in
which I worked could change at the drop of a dime. I began this
work because I cared about people. I didn't want to be a cog in a
machine. I wanted to use my expertise to somehow change the sector
for the better. But I was stuck, just like everyone else around me.
The only way out was to get unstuck; to realize that the only
constant could be change itself.
Cissy was gone. Steve and I were left behind
to pretend as though she never existed, still concealing from Ernie
that we held him in little esteem, even while we knew in our hearts
that he was doing his hardest to topple the organization from the
inside. We couldn't prove it, and now his biggest critic had taken
herself out of the game. We couldn't trust the board of the
directors to do the right thing.
It was just me, Steve, and our paychecks
until we found something better.
"You okay, my dude?" Steve asked, as I
watched Dante turn the corner and disappear up the street.
"We gotta do better, man," I said. "All this
is changing around us."
"How we gonna do better?" he asked.
"I dunno. Stop being complacent. Start
fighting."
"Fighting for what? The clients? The best we
can do for them is send them someplace else."
"Fight for something better than what we got.
I don't know. That's all I got…right now."
Steve touched my shoulder and rubbed it,
nodding with understanding.
Something sparked in me that day, the
beginnings of an epiphany. That I was meant for more than the life
I was living. Somehow, I was going to figure out what was next.
I walked to Dante's house after work,
energized and dying to talk to somebody about it. I knocked on the
door and he opened it moments later.
"Hey man!" I said.
"Hey!" He hugged me tightly.
"So, my coworker quit today. Cissy. The white
lady?"
"Yeah, I remember you telling me about her.
What happened?" He closed the door behind me and I put my bag on
the sofa while I paced.
"It's a long story. I mean, it's not that
long a story, but it's not very interesting."
"Oh…okay…"
"Yeah, I just wanted to come talk to somebody
because I was just thinking, you know? Like…I have a college
degree. I have a degree from Syracuse. I should be able to do a lot
with that, right?"
"Seems like it to me," he said.
"Right! And like, I might not be a director,
but I know a little something about a few things. I've made
programs. I've recruited volunteers. I should be able to go out
there and work someplace else, right?"
"Sure," he said. "I always thought you were
pretty smart."
I stopped pacing and smiled.
"Thank you," I said. I began pacing
again.
"So, I don't know, maybe I should stop being
scared and, you know…do something."
"Like what?" he asked, sitting on the
sofa.
"I don't know! All I know is computers and
whatever else needed to be done for Magdalene. But maybe there's
more. Maybe I should go to grad school. Get a certification. Or,
you know, maybe start up my own shit!"
"Why don't you have a seat?" he asked.
"Naw, I'm good," I said.
"I think you need to have several
But don't stay here. This is a dead end."
I nodded vigorously.
Steve and I helped Cissy to her car. I didn't
know what else to say other than goodbye. It all happened so
fast.
"Well champ, that leaves us. The only two
people at Magdalene with any goddamn sense."
"This is crazy," I said. "It's just been us
against the world for so long. I can't believe she's gone."
"Life is more than a paycheck, Justin. You
know that."
I nodded. Steve and I stood on the porch in
silence for a few minutes. A Metrobus stopped in front of the
Masonic hall across the street. Once it pulled off, I saw Dante
walking toward Thayer Street. He glanced over at me, kept walking,
then stopped and glanced again. He raised his hand in the air and
smiled. I forced a smile and a wave back. He beamed.
My life was filled with constants like
paychecks and bills, but I had taken for granted that the sector in
which I worked could change at the drop of a dime. I began this
work because I cared about people. I didn't want to be a cog in a
machine. I wanted to use my expertise to somehow change the sector
for the better. But I was stuck, just like everyone else around me.
The only way out was to get unstuck; to realize that the only
constant could be change itself.
Cissy was gone. Steve and I were left behind
to pretend as though she never existed, still concealing from Ernie
that we held him in little esteem, even while we knew in our hearts
that he was doing his hardest to topple the organization from the
inside. We couldn't prove it, and now his biggest critic had taken
herself out of the game. We couldn't trust the board of the
directors to do the right thing.
It was just me, Steve, and our paychecks
until we found something better.
"You okay, my dude?" Steve asked, as I
watched Dante turn the corner and disappear up the street.
"We gotta do better, man," I said. "All this
is changing around us."
"How we gonna do better?" he asked.
"I dunno. Stop being complacent. Start
fighting."
"Fighting for what? The clients? The best we
can do for them is send them someplace else."
"Fight for something better than what we got.
I don't know. That's all I got…right now."
Steve touched my shoulder and rubbed it,
nodding with understanding.
Something sparked in me that day, the
beginnings of an epiphany. That I was meant for more than the life
I was living. Somehow, I was going to figure out what was next.
I walked to Dante's house after work,
energized and dying to talk to somebody about it. I knocked on the
door and he opened it moments later.
"Hey man!" I said.
"Hey!" He hugged me tightly.
"So, my coworker quit today. Cissy. The white
lady?"
"Yeah, I remember you telling me about her.
What happened?" He closed the door behind me and I put my bag on
the sofa while I paced.
"It's a long story. I mean, it's not that
long a story, but it's not very interesting."
"Oh…okay…"
"Yeah, I just wanted to come talk to somebody
because I was just thinking, you know? Like…I have a college
degree. I have a degree from Syracuse. I should be able to do a lot
with that, right?"
"Seems like it to me," he said.
"Right! And like, I might not be a director,
but I know a little something about a few things. I've made
programs. I've recruited volunteers. I should be able to go out
there and work someplace else, right?"
"Sure," he said. "I always thought you were
pretty smart."
I stopped pacing and smiled.
"Thank you," I said. I began pacing
again.
"So, I don't know, maybe I should stop being
scared and, you know…do something."
"Like what?" he asked, sitting on the
sofa.
"I don't know! All I know is computers and
whatever else needed to be done for Magdalene. But maybe there's
more. Maybe I should go to grad school. Get a certification. Or,
you know, maybe start up my own shit!"
"Why don't you have a seat?" he asked.
"Naw, I'm good," I said.
"I think you need to have several
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