touched me, my skin was flawless.
Leaving the bathroom, I went back to the kitchen. It was well lit, easily the cheeriest room in the house, and the sun alone calmed my frayed nerves. I was safe as long as the sun was shining. Pulling out a bar-stool, I sat down, resting my arms and head on the cool bar.
For the first time today, a split-second thought of Ms. McElhaney flashed through my mind as I walked back to the kitchen. It became impossible to stop the flow of images through my head. I could see her lying dead on the floor with the homemade quilt lying ruined and bloodied beside her, or her body spread out across the old iron frame bed. She had no close family and it would take the few neighbors there were out here a few days to notice her absence.
I wanted to call the police and notify them of her death. It was the ethical thing to do and I knew it. It seemed so unfair for her to be decomposing in her home. Reasoning out loud, I talked myself through the conversation with the police. It didn’t take long to realize that no matter how the call was made, the police would quickly show up here looking for information. Her house was littered with my phone numbers and pictures of Ellie as we had become close to her since we had moved here.
Maybe I should call her house to see if he was lying, I thought to myself. My hand was on a wall phone a full second before I decided that was a bad idea. My number would be on her caller I.D. and I knew in my heart that he was telling the truth. Calling her house wouldn’t help her or me now.
Letting my hand fall away from the phone, I began to pace in the kitchen. My previous dizziness had been pushed to the back of my mind while I was thinking about my sweet elderly neighbor. Panic truly hit me for the first time. I had been a fool. What was I still doing here? Could I escape and shouldn’t I try?
The answer now seemed shockingly clear. He was gone, at least for the day, and I had wasted a lot of very valuable time. I should call my mom and drive as fast as I could to get to Ellie tonight. I could make it by nightfall.
My mind screamed instructions and my body obeyed. I had the house phone in my hand with mom’s number partially dialed. Terror and a near loss of reason caused my hands to shake and I was unable to finish dialing the number. It was as if I had finally used up the last of my sanity reserves and I could handle no more.
I knew that I was about to lose myself in the grip of panic and I used what small amount of mental reserves I had left to bring my rapid breathing under control. I forced myself to breathe in slowly, count to three, and then exhale just as slowly. Feeling my heart rate drop in response, I gripped the phone with all my strength and forced my hand to hang it back up, at least until I could think this through more clearly.
Sitting back down in the kitchen, I ran my hands up over my face and through my hair. The muscles in my back ached at the motions. My hair felt grimy and I suddenly felt very dirty.
Uncertainty clung to me. Logic told me to leave but my gut instinct screamed for me to stay. Nausea returned with my indecision and a thin sheen of sweat formed on my face and under my arms, adding to my unclean feeling.
Deciding to wash my face again, I walked back through the living room, my eyes landing on Samuel for the first time. I had forgotten him as I had been so focused on my own problems. Tears sprang to my eyes as they swept over him.
Kneeling down beside him on my knees, I knitted my hands into the fur around his neck. It had always been the thickest there and one of his favorite places to be scratched. Even though the faint stench of death was just beginning to become apparent, I couldn’t keep myself from dropping my head against his. The tears flowed down my face and onto his. He had been my guardian and friend for several years. He had let me cry on his shoulder numerous times during the worst moments of my life.
Now I was crying
Leaving the bathroom, I went back to the kitchen. It was well lit, easily the cheeriest room in the house, and the sun alone calmed my frayed nerves. I was safe as long as the sun was shining. Pulling out a bar-stool, I sat down, resting my arms and head on the cool bar.
For the first time today, a split-second thought of Ms. McElhaney flashed through my mind as I walked back to the kitchen. It became impossible to stop the flow of images through my head. I could see her lying dead on the floor with the homemade quilt lying ruined and bloodied beside her, or her body spread out across the old iron frame bed. She had no close family and it would take the few neighbors there were out here a few days to notice her absence.
I wanted to call the police and notify them of her death. It was the ethical thing to do and I knew it. It seemed so unfair for her to be decomposing in her home. Reasoning out loud, I talked myself through the conversation with the police. It didn’t take long to realize that no matter how the call was made, the police would quickly show up here looking for information. Her house was littered with my phone numbers and pictures of Ellie as we had become close to her since we had moved here.
Maybe I should call her house to see if he was lying, I thought to myself. My hand was on a wall phone a full second before I decided that was a bad idea. My number would be on her caller I.D. and I knew in my heart that he was telling the truth. Calling her house wouldn’t help her or me now.
Letting my hand fall away from the phone, I began to pace in the kitchen. My previous dizziness had been pushed to the back of my mind while I was thinking about my sweet elderly neighbor. Panic truly hit me for the first time. I had been a fool. What was I still doing here? Could I escape and shouldn’t I try?
The answer now seemed shockingly clear. He was gone, at least for the day, and I had wasted a lot of very valuable time. I should call my mom and drive as fast as I could to get to Ellie tonight. I could make it by nightfall.
My mind screamed instructions and my body obeyed. I had the house phone in my hand with mom’s number partially dialed. Terror and a near loss of reason caused my hands to shake and I was unable to finish dialing the number. It was as if I had finally used up the last of my sanity reserves and I could handle no more.
I knew that I was about to lose myself in the grip of panic and I used what small amount of mental reserves I had left to bring my rapid breathing under control. I forced myself to breathe in slowly, count to three, and then exhale just as slowly. Feeling my heart rate drop in response, I gripped the phone with all my strength and forced my hand to hang it back up, at least until I could think this through more clearly.
Sitting back down in the kitchen, I ran my hands up over my face and through my hair. The muscles in my back ached at the motions. My hair felt grimy and I suddenly felt very dirty.
Uncertainty clung to me. Logic told me to leave but my gut instinct screamed for me to stay. Nausea returned with my indecision and a thin sheen of sweat formed on my face and under my arms, adding to my unclean feeling.
Deciding to wash my face again, I walked back through the living room, my eyes landing on Samuel for the first time. I had forgotten him as I had been so focused on my own problems. Tears sprang to my eyes as they swept over him.
Kneeling down beside him on my knees, I knitted my hands into the fur around his neck. It had always been the thickest there and one of his favorite places to be scratched. Even though the faint stench of death was just beginning to become apparent, I couldn’t keep myself from dropping my head against his. The tears flowed down my face and onto his. He had been my guardian and friend for several years. He had let me cry on his shoulder numerous times during the worst moments of my life.
Now I was crying
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