Kate
U kept the place so clean
Kate, I treated U like a queen
Oh, Kate, U mean the world to me
Kate, Come home to me
Oh, Kate, Y can’t it B
Like it used to B
Because this world ain’t meant for lovers
No, this world ain’t meant for U and me
Because the bureaucrats in Washington, they’ll set off the bombs, so what’s the point, Kate?
We’re all just going to die, anyway.
So, Kate, Y won’t U B with me?
—Dale Carter, All Rights Reserved
Boy 3 - Boy Meets Girl
Journal of Kate Mackenzie
Dale shoved another one of his songs about me under the door. This one was written on the back of a playlist. Craig found it when he got home today from the office. Seriously, what am I going to do about him? Dale, not Craig. I think eight songs about me is a little much (could “Ice Weasels Gnaw My Brain” be about me, too? No, surely not. I mean, what do I have to do with ice weasels? What ARE ice weasels? Are they real? Are there really weasels that live on ice? What do they eat?).
Oh God, I have got to get some sleep, I can’t be groggy in the morning, I’ve to go get deposed by Stuart Hertzog’s brother. What am I even going to say to him? What if I accidentally let slip that I don’t think Mrs. Lopez should have been fired in the first place, and he tells the T.O.D. what I said? You so know he will, he’s Stuart Hertzog’s BROTHER. Stuart I’m-engaged-to-the-T.O.D. Hertzog. Plus he’s a lawyer. Lawyer + Stuart Hertzog’s brother = mean, evil person with no conscience or soul. He’ll tell Stuart, and Stuart’ll tell Amy, and then I’ll get fired. I’ll get fired just like Mrs. Lopez got fired. Only I don’t belong to a union, so I won’t even have anyone to defend me. I’ll just become a statistic, another member of Manhattan’s homeless, jobless community.
Oh my God, I hate my life. Something has GOT to give. It’s just GOT to.
Deposition of Kathleen Mackenzie
in case of Ida D. Lopez/United Staff
Association of NYJ. Local 6884
vs.
The New York Journal
held at the offices of
Hertzog Webber and Doyle
444 Madison Avenue, Suite 1505
Boy 3 - Boy Meets Girl
New York, NY 10022
Appearances:
Kathleen Mackenzie (KM)
Mitchell Hertzog (MH)
Recorded by Anne Kelly (AK) for later comparison with stenographer’s transcript
Miriam Lowe, Shorthand Reporter and Notary Public within and for the State of New York
AK: Good morning, Ms. Mackenzie, thank you so much for coming. Please have a seat. May I get you a cup of coffee, tea, soda—whatever you prefer?
KM: Coffee would be good, thanks.
AK: Fine. Mr. Hertzog should be joining us in a second. I’ll just be a moment while I get your coffee. Do you take cream or sugar?
KM: Yes, both, thank you.
(Sound of door closing)
(Sound of door opening)
MH: Oh, sorry, wrong room.
KM: No problem.
(Sound of door closing)
(Sound of door opening)
MH: Wait a minute. You’re Katherine Mackenzie?
KM: Kathleen. Kate, actually.
MH: Oh, Kathleen. Sorry. I didn’t . . . I expected someone . . .
KM: Yes?
MH: Never mind. Nice to meet you. I’m Mitch Hertzog.
KM:You’re Mitchell Hertzog?
MH: Last time I checked. Why?
KM: I . . . Nothing. I just—you’re not—
MH: I think it’s safe to say neither of us is what the other expected.
KM: It’s just that . . . Well, you don’t look anything like your brother.
MH: Thank God. Sorry. It’s the tie, isn’t it?
KM: I’m sorry? Oh, the tie. Is that . . . Rocky and Bullwinkle?
MH: ‘Fraid so. Gift from my nieces.
KM: It’s . . . colorful.
MH: I know it throws people when we turn out to have a sense of humor.
KM: We?
MH: Lawyers. Oh, I see Anne’s got the recorder going already. Where’d she go?
KM: To get coffee.
MH: Great. And here’s the stenographer. So I guess we can start—
KM: Shouldn’t Mrs. Lopez be here? And her lawyer?
MH: This is just a pretrial conference, not a deposition. I’ve found it’s good to get all the facts straight before moving on
U kept the place so clean
Kate, I treated U like a queen
Oh, Kate, U mean the world to me
Kate, Come home to me
Oh, Kate, Y can’t it B
Like it used to B
Because this world ain’t meant for lovers
No, this world ain’t meant for U and me
Because the bureaucrats in Washington, they’ll set off the bombs, so what’s the point, Kate?
We’re all just going to die, anyway.
So, Kate, Y won’t U B with me?
—Dale Carter, All Rights Reserved
Boy 3 - Boy Meets Girl
Journal of Kate Mackenzie
Dale shoved another one of his songs about me under the door. This one was written on the back of a playlist. Craig found it when he got home today from the office. Seriously, what am I going to do about him? Dale, not Craig. I think eight songs about me is a little much (could “Ice Weasels Gnaw My Brain” be about me, too? No, surely not. I mean, what do I have to do with ice weasels? What ARE ice weasels? Are they real? Are there really weasels that live on ice? What do they eat?).
Oh God, I have got to get some sleep, I can’t be groggy in the morning, I’ve to go get deposed by Stuart Hertzog’s brother. What am I even going to say to him? What if I accidentally let slip that I don’t think Mrs. Lopez should have been fired in the first place, and he tells the T.O.D. what I said? You so know he will, he’s Stuart Hertzog’s BROTHER. Stuart I’m-engaged-to-the-T.O.D. Hertzog. Plus he’s a lawyer. Lawyer + Stuart Hertzog’s brother = mean, evil person with no conscience or soul. He’ll tell Stuart, and Stuart’ll tell Amy, and then I’ll get fired. I’ll get fired just like Mrs. Lopez got fired. Only I don’t belong to a union, so I won’t even have anyone to defend me. I’ll just become a statistic, another member of Manhattan’s homeless, jobless community.
Oh my God, I hate my life. Something has GOT to give. It’s just GOT to.
Deposition of Kathleen Mackenzie
in case of Ida D. Lopez/United Staff
Association of NYJ. Local 6884
vs.
The New York Journal
held at the offices of
Hertzog Webber and Doyle
444 Madison Avenue, Suite 1505
Boy 3 - Boy Meets Girl
New York, NY 10022
Appearances:
Kathleen Mackenzie (KM)
Mitchell Hertzog (MH)
Recorded by Anne Kelly (AK) for later comparison with stenographer’s transcript
Miriam Lowe, Shorthand Reporter and Notary Public within and for the State of New York
AK: Good morning, Ms. Mackenzie, thank you so much for coming. Please have a seat. May I get you a cup of coffee, tea, soda—whatever you prefer?
KM: Coffee would be good, thanks.
AK: Fine. Mr. Hertzog should be joining us in a second. I’ll just be a moment while I get your coffee. Do you take cream or sugar?
KM: Yes, both, thank you.
(Sound of door closing)
(Sound of door opening)
MH: Oh, sorry, wrong room.
KM: No problem.
(Sound of door closing)
(Sound of door opening)
MH: Wait a minute. You’re Katherine Mackenzie?
KM: Kathleen. Kate, actually.
MH: Oh, Kathleen. Sorry. I didn’t . . . I expected someone . . .
KM: Yes?
MH: Never mind. Nice to meet you. I’m Mitch Hertzog.
KM:You’re Mitchell Hertzog?
MH: Last time I checked. Why?
KM: I . . . Nothing. I just—you’re not—
MH: I think it’s safe to say neither of us is what the other expected.
KM: It’s just that . . . Well, you don’t look anything like your brother.
MH: Thank God. Sorry. It’s the tie, isn’t it?
KM: I’m sorry? Oh, the tie. Is that . . . Rocky and Bullwinkle?
MH: ‘Fraid so. Gift from my nieces.
KM: It’s . . . colorful.
MH: I know it throws people when we turn out to have a sense of humor.
KM: We?
MH: Lawyers. Oh, I see Anne’s got the recorder going already. Where’d she go?
KM: To get coffee.
MH: Great. And here’s the stenographer. So I guess we can start—
KM: Shouldn’t Mrs. Lopez be here? And her lawyer?
MH: This is just a pretrial conference, not a deposition. I’ve found it’s good to get all the facts straight before moving on
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