tried to enjoy it. And part of me did.”
“And then?” Ali asked.
“A nd then I came back to school. I needed an apartment. That’s when I met you. Adam followed. And life went on.” Gina pursed her lips together and took in a deep, controlled breath as she tried to finish the story she now wanted to be done telling. “I guess I never really let myself get over him.” She looked around the café staring at the other patrons. Everyone was engrossed in their own conversations.
“Wow,” Ali whispered.
Gina couldn’t tell if she was being empathetic or entertained. She often felt like Ali lived vicariously though her. Ever since Ali had the twins, she was overly interested in every detail of adult life that she felt was behind her.
“I never knew. I can’t believe you never told me this. We have been best friends for so long. And all I knew about Grant was how you met. Gina, why didn’t you ever tell me you guys were so serious?”
“I don’t know. I look back and try to figure out why I did the things I did. I never have any answers. I guess I just moved on. Time went on and time faded into the background. But Grant, he never faded. My memories became my fantasies.”
“You and Adam are happy Gina, just remember that.” Ali said, changing her tone.
“I know. We are. It’s just. I can’t figure out why I can never get Grant off my mind. I think about him all the time. I thought it would fade as time passed, but it hasn’t. Do you think that is wrong?”
“Why would it be wrong?” Ali asked.
“To Adam.”
“You’re not doing anything to Adam. You’re just
thinking.”
“I know. But Adam is my fiancé. I feel guilty thinking about an old boyfriend. Adam and I are supposed to be beginning a life together. Without the past.”
“Your past doesn’t go away that quick Gina. Sooner or later, I am sure it will fade. For now, don’t feel guilty. You can’t help your past.” Ali said. She gave Gina a small, warm smile.
The waitress approached the table again, in a bigger hurry than the last time. She quickly set down their food. “Anything else?” She asked.
“Nope, I think were good.” Gina replied.
“Great. I am going to put this here. Thank you ladies.” She set the check down, smiled again and walked away. Gina looked back at Ali.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“I always do this to you. I babble on about what is bothering me and you just sit and listen. You’re the most realistic, rational and understanding person I know. I always feel better after I talk to you. Thank you.”
“I love you , G. Just take a deep breath. I know this seems overwhelming. I went through the same thing before I married Chris. I wondered if I made a mistake. It is a natural feeling. I love Chris. And I know you love Adam. It’s okay to feel what you are feeling.” She said, smiling lightly.
“How long before it passed?” Gina asked.
“I’m not sure. I always knew I loved him. I just started thinking about it a lot. Making sure I made the right decision. Once the twins came along, we got busy. Time flew by. Two Yeahrs later, I look at him and know he and I were meant for one another.” She said. Ali began digging through her purse, looking for her wallet. After pulling out three toys and a binky, she finally put her hands on it.
“You make it sound so easy.”
“It is easy. Because I am happy. That’s the key Gina. Follow your heart. Life’s too short to not be happy.“ She smirked. “Although I would be happier if I could have just one day alone away from the girls!” She joked. “I got it.” She said as she put a twenty-dollar bill on the table.
“What are you and Chris up to tonight?”
“Our Saturday night routine. We will feed and bathe
the twins, clean up the house and put in a movie. I’ll fall asleep and he’ll wake me up at the end of the movie and we go to bed,” She laughed.
“And then?” Ali asked.
“A nd then I came back to school. I needed an apartment. That’s when I met you. Adam followed. And life went on.” Gina pursed her lips together and took in a deep, controlled breath as she tried to finish the story she now wanted to be done telling. “I guess I never really let myself get over him.” She looked around the café staring at the other patrons. Everyone was engrossed in their own conversations.
“Wow,” Ali whispered.
Gina couldn’t tell if she was being empathetic or entertained. She often felt like Ali lived vicariously though her. Ever since Ali had the twins, she was overly interested in every detail of adult life that she felt was behind her.
“I never knew. I can’t believe you never told me this. We have been best friends for so long. And all I knew about Grant was how you met. Gina, why didn’t you ever tell me you guys were so serious?”
“I don’t know. I look back and try to figure out why I did the things I did. I never have any answers. I guess I just moved on. Time went on and time faded into the background. But Grant, he never faded. My memories became my fantasies.”
“You and Adam are happy Gina, just remember that.” Ali said, changing her tone.
“I know. We are. It’s just. I can’t figure out why I can never get Grant off my mind. I think about him all the time. I thought it would fade as time passed, but it hasn’t. Do you think that is wrong?”
“Why would it be wrong?” Ali asked.
“To Adam.”
“You’re not doing anything to Adam. You’re just
thinking.”
“I know. But Adam is my fiancé. I feel guilty thinking about an old boyfriend. Adam and I are supposed to be beginning a life together. Without the past.”
“Your past doesn’t go away that quick Gina. Sooner or later, I am sure it will fade. For now, don’t feel guilty. You can’t help your past.” Ali said. She gave Gina a small, warm smile.
The waitress approached the table again, in a bigger hurry than the last time. She quickly set down their food. “Anything else?” She asked.
“Nope, I think were good.” Gina replied.
“Great. I am going to put this here. Thank you ladies.” She set the check down, smiled again and walked away. Gina looked back at Ali.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“I always do this to you. I babble on about what is bothering me and you just sit and listen. You’re the most realistic, rational and understanding person I know. I always feel better after I talk to you. Thank you.”
“I love you , G. Just take a deep breath. I know this seems overwhelming. I went through the same thing before I married Chris. I wondered if I made a mistake. It is a natural feeling. I love Chris. And I know you love Adam. It’s okay to feel what you are feeling.” She said, smiling lightly.
“How long before it passed?” Gina asked.
“I’m not sure. I always knew I loved him. I just started thinking about it a lot. Making sure I made the right decision. Once the twins came along, we got busy. Time flew by. Two Yeahrs later, I look at him and know he and I were meant for one another.” She said. Ali began digging through her purse, looking for her wallet. After pulling out three toys and a binky, she finally put her hands on it.
“You make it sound so easy.”
“It is easy. Because I am happy. That’s the key Gina. Follow your heart. Life’s too short to not be happy.“ She smirked. “Although I would be happier if I could have just one day alone away from the girls!” She joked. “I got it.” She said as she put a twenty-dollar bill on the table.
“What are you and Chris up to tonight?”
“Our Saturday night routine. We will feed and bathe
the twins, clean up the house and put in a movie. I’ll fall asleep and he’ll wake me up at the end of the movie and we go to bed,” She laughed.
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