happened. He’d left the party. He came back for Claire
when he got a picture from one of the other guys. He testified against them! He
went against his friends because he really loved that girl. And now — now he’s
going to have to go through all of this all over again.”
“If there’s nothing going on with him, then the
investigation will be closed and he’ll be able to go back to his life. I think
you’re overreacting, sweetie.”
“No I’m not! If — if Mom had killed herself and there
was nothing you could do to save her, and someone brought it all back and made
you live through it all over again, how the hell would you feel?”
“Becky, you don’t know if what he told you was even
the truth.”
“I know it is, Dad. I talked to him; did you? No. You
and Mom are both willing to believe anything bad about anyone if they’re not
rich. How many of the boys you tried to fob me off on at the country club do
you think have raped girls? I can tell you — there’s probably at least a dozen
of them! But because Johnny isn’t rich and because you think I’m too stupid to
have any sense at all, you hired some jackass to dredge up everything he ever might
have done.”
“Becky, I need you to calm down. Yes, it’s unfortunate
if Johnny is innocent-”
“Unfortunate? I don’t even know how I could ever even
ask him to forgive you for it! I don’t even know if I can ever forgive you for
it. You’re destroying the life of someone I love and trust, all because you
think that money is the most important thing in life and that your own daughter
doesn’t have the sense to take care of herself. Johnny has never been anything
but kind, sweet, and gentle to me.”
“But, Becky, honey…”
“No. No, Dad. Did you even notice that Johnny doesn’t
drink? Both times you met him he refused to drink any alcohol, even though you
made it all too easy for him. He doesn’t drink because he blames himself for
what happened to Claire and thinks that the only way he can keep it from
happening to someone else is to not be drunk.” I was shaking, I was so angry — so
anxious. “You did absolutely the worst possible thing you could have done for
absolutely no reason.”
“Becky, I’m sorry, but you have to admit, there’s a
reason.”
“Not if you trust me to make good choices! If you
actually trusted me and thought I had a brain in my head, you wouldn’t have
hired some stupid private investigator that apparently can’t even get his facts
straight.”
“Becky, if you’re not going to calm down, then I’m
going to have to hang up.”
“Don’t bother.” I hit the end call icon and let my
phone fall onto the desk. I sat back, trembling, anger still rushing through
me, adrenaline making my heart race, and I started to cry. I cried for Johnny,
who had to go through all of this again — alone. I cried for myself because if
I couldn’t forgive my parents for bringing this onto him, how would he ever be
able to forgive me? It was my fault, through my parents, that this was happening.
If I hadn’t brought him to meet them, if I had stood firm and just kept him to
myself, none of this mess would be on his doorstep again.
After a while I was completely exhausted from crying
and yelling at my father. I washed my face and decided that I was going to try
Johnny again. Maybe he had only turned off his phone because he was in class.
Maybe he was just busy. Maybe his phone had died. I dried my face off and tried
his number again — it went straight to voicemail. I bit my bottom lip, trying
to think of where on campus he could possibly be.
Georgia offered to come with me to look for Johnny,
but I told her I was fine; I didn’t want to have to tell her to go away if and
when I found him and we needed to talk, and I doubted
that Johnny would feel comfortable talking about the situation with someone he
was only acquaintances with listening in. I went downstairs and tried to decide
where I should go to first.
I went
when he got a picture from one of the other guys. He testified against them! He
went against his friends because he really loved that girl. And now — now he’s
going to have to go through all of this all over again.”
“If there’s nothing going on with him, then the
investigation will be closed and he’ll be able to go back to his life. I think
you’re overreacting, sweetie.”
“No I’m not! If — if Mom had killed herself and there
was nothing you could do to save her, and someone brought it all back and made
you live through it all over again, how the hell would you feel?”
“Becky, you don’t know if what he told you was even
the truth.”
“I know it is, Dad. I talked to him; did you? No. You
and Mom are both willing to believe anything bad about anyone if they’re not
rich. How many of the boys you tried to fob me off on at the country club do
you think have raped girls? I can tell you — there’s probably at least a dozen
of them! But because Johnny isn’t rich and because you think I’m too stupid to
have any sense at all, you hired some jackass to dredge up everything he ever might
have done.”
“Becky, I need you to calm down. Yes, it’s unfortunate
if Johnny is innocent-”
“Unfortunate? I don’t even know how I could ever even
ask him to forgive you for it! I don’t even know if I can ever forgive you for
it. You’re destroying the life of someone I love and trust, all because you
think that money is the most important thing in life and that your own daughter
doesn’t have the sense to take care of herself. Johnny has never been anything
but kind, sweet, and gentle to me.”
“But, Becky, honey…”
“No. No, Dad. Did you even notice that Johnny doesn’t
drink? Both times you met him he refused to drink any alcohol, even though you
made it all too easy for him. He doesn’t drink because he blames himself for
what happened to Claire and thinks that the only way he can keep it from
happening to someone else is to not be drunk.” I was shaking, I was so angry — so
anxious. “You did absolutely the worst possible thing you could have done for
absolutely no reason.”
“Becky, I’m sorry, but you have to admit, there’s a
reason.”
“Not if you trust me to make good choices! If you
actually trusted me and thought I had a brain in my head, you wouldn’t have
hired some stupid private investigator that apparently can’t even get his facts
straight.”
“Becky, if you’re not going to calm down, then I’m
going to have to hang up.”
“Don’t bother.” I hit the end call icon and let my
phone fall onto the desk. I sat back, trembling, anger still rushing through
me, adrenaline making my heart race, and I started to cry. I cried for Johnny,
who had to go through all of this again — alone. I cried for myself because if
I couldn’t forgive my parents for bringing this onto him, how would he ever be
able to forgive me? It was my fault, through my parents, that this was happening.
If I hadn’t brought him to meet them, if I had stood firm and just kept him to
myself, none of this mess would be on his doorstep again.
After a while I was completely exhausted from crying
and yelling at my father. I washed my face and decided that I was going to try
Johnny again. Maybe he had only turned off his phone because he was in class.
Maybe he was just busy. Maybe his phone had died. I dried my face off and tried
his number again — it went straight to voicemail. I bit my bottom lip, trying
to think of where on campus he could possibly be.
Georgia offered to come with me to look for Johnny,
but I told her I was fine; I didn’t want to have to tell her to go away if and
when I found him and we needed to talk, and I doubted
that Johnny would feel comfortable talking about the situation with someone he
was only acquaintances with listening in. I went downstairs and tried to decide
where I should go to first.
I went
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