Business Doctors - Management Consulting Gone Wild by Sameer Kamat Page B

not have the courage to discuss it in person at the venue. Martin was still shuddering from the unexpected turn of events.
    “They are insane,” replied Schneider, “It’s ridiculous to even think of something like this. There’s no way we can take this up. Let’s think about this with a cool head. I’m sure we’ll come up with a good response in two days.”
    Martin put down the phone and just then, it rang again. It was Anita.
    “Hey hun,” Anita chimed as usual, “so how did it go?”
    Though consultants were advised to refrain from sharing client details, it was commonplace for spouses and significant others to be privy to the latest happenings.
    “Oh I don’t know dear, it seems we’ve landed in a hot pot of boiling soup. There is no firm, it’s the freakin’ underworld that called on us.”
    “How exciting, so will you guys do it? I am sure these guys will have enough money to end your late nights and you would rather spend them with me,” Anita asked in her seductive voice hinting of hidden possibilities Martin had not yet realized.
    “Are you out of your mind? This is crazy, we could be put behind the bars for such a thing.” Martin blew his top.
    “If you want to be a sissy all your life, go ahead. But don’t ever talk to me like that again.” Anita took out her disappointment on the innocent phone, and banged it down.
    Great day , thought Martin. First, my career gets the jolt of a life time. And the only person I can turn to at a time like this has just slammed the door in my face .
    * * *
     
    Two days after the initial meeting, Schneider was back in the Dungeon with Martin. On the other side of the table, Joe and Mr. Woody looked on intently. “So, how does this work?” Joe asked the consultants. “Where does Mr. Woody lie down for the questioning? Do we arrange for the couch? Or you got your own - like you got the projector last time?”
    Woody did not say anything, but looked up expectantly at Martin and Schneider, waiting for a response.
    “Mr. Woody is taking this business doctor concept a little too literally,” Schneider muttered to Martin. “Or is it just Joe? Either ways, I truly hope it’s out of ignorance. Coz if this is some kinda gangsta humor that I don’t understand, it’s definitely going to get on my nerves real soon.”
    “No, Mr. Woody,” said Schneider preferring not to look at Joe, “that’s not how it works. We need to take care of a few formalities first. For obvious reasons, we don’t think it would be appropriate to draft a formal statement of work or contract for this assignment. With other clients, that would normally be our first step. We can’t go on record and make this official. But we would still need to decide on what we intend to do, how long it’ll take, what support we’d expect from your side and what our final deliverable would be.”
    “De-li-ve-ra-ble,” Joe repeated every syllable and sniggered. “I like the way you guys talk. I want my kid to be like you when he grows up. Maybe he can work with you.” He had found role models for his non-existent offspring.
    Schneider shuddered at the thought of having a little Joe-like employee wearing a Hawaiian shirt and torn jeans, bumbling around in his office. Before the hypothetical creature could wreak any havoc, Schneider continued, “- and we need to talk about our consulting charges, of course.”
    “You can discuss the details with Joe,” Woody responded. It was beneath his dignity and capabilities to get into the insignificant operational details. “Just let me know how long it’ll take to fix the problem and how much it’s gonna cost.”
    “It wouldn’t be as straight-forward as that, Mr. Woody.” Schneider tried to explain. “First of all, we will not fix your problems for you.”
    “What? If you aren’t going to fix our problems, then why the hell are we talking?” Woody seemed to be losing his patience.
    Keeping his cool, Schneider added, “We’ll help you