dreams they could be together again. She knew it was irrational but it got her through some tough days. She wasn’t eating enough as she had no appetite or energy. At work she would stay at her desk, attempting to eat a sandwich as she couldn’t go through the pretence of sitting in the canteen with the others. She didn’t want to hear how well all their lives were or holidays booked or even marital disputes. She wanted to scream at them appreciate everything that you have and not take it for granted. But she didn’t. The words were unsaid. In the past she would sit at lunch exchange stories or talk about what they had watched the night before on TV. Now she had no interest and she knew they were relieved she didn’t join them. Oh a few times they would press her to join them but after her negative shake of the head and maybe next time reply, they stopped asking. It was awkward. What would her reply be to watching TV or what did she do at the weekend? The TV was on for the background noise at home but she didn’t know what program was on. Oh the weekend, mmm what did I do? Well after crying herself to sleep, crying at the supermarket over a carton of orange juice or even just crying because his favourite rugby team was playing she could guess their responses. A quick turnabout and retreat. The answer machine was bleeping when she got home from another rough and bruising day. She pressed the button intending to delete without listening. If she didn’t listen to the messages the machine would continue to bleep announcing, listen to me, listen to me! “You have 7 messages,” Great, I’m popular, “Message 1” she kicked off her shoes, flung her bag and keys down and let the messages play out. “This is Parkville dental practice and a message for Robert Davies we-“DELETE she couldn’t listen to any more of that. “Message 2 .. Great News you are entered into a prize draw to win” DELETE “Message 3 .. Hi its Mum, just calling to see if everything is okay, call me when you get this, love you” DELETE. “Message 4 ..Carrie, pick up the phone, Carrie I know you are screening your calls … Ah bugger, call me ” DELETE Claire had sounded impatient but she couldn’t remember ‘avoiding’ the call. Well this time she didn’t. “Message 5 .. This is Donna from Dazzle Me. You missed your last appointment “DELETE. “Message 6 .. Good Morning, this is a call for Mrs Reynolds-Davies. Can you please return our call to discuss your banking requirements?” DELETE. “Message 7 .. Hello … Hello oh I hate speaking on these things … Carrie darling ... its Auntie Belle I’ve been thinking why don’t you come and visit? I’ve been talking with your Mum and she’s worried about you, you know how she does.. Anyway how about” and the message ran out. Typical Auntie Belle carrying on a conversation when she wasn’t there! Oh exciting microwave penne pasta dish for dinner. She wasn’t hungry but knew if her Mum popped over later she would check that Carrie had been eating. Her Mum would even check the rubbish bin for evidence. The microwave began its countdown and she set the table for one taking some cutlery from the drawer, a napkin and finally a glass of wine. All these tasks accomplished before the final ping of the microwave. Auntie Belle was a character and Carrie had always enjoyed staying with her in the past. She was her Mums younger sister and Carrie idolised her. Her job in the hospitality industry gave her the opportunity to travel the world consulting on ailing hotels that needed a revamp. As a child Carrie had thought it very exciting and they would holiday wherever Auntie Belle was working. Sometimes the locations glamorous and then the not so glamorous but it was fun ordering room service and travelling up and down in the elevators. It was no surprise that Carries education had continued in the same vein and she had