lit upon my body, my tanned skin and bra that begged to be removed, and he wasn't aroused in the slightest, then I was about to be embarrassed. My heart pounded as I waited.
" Watch the tongue of a man. " Grandma's voice rang through my ears. I suddenly felt cold and exposed to the world like a bad dream. I shook her off, trying to focus on Michael. What did she know? She was a bitter, old woman, probably put off by men all her life. She invaded Mama's life and took away any chance she might have had to be happy with another man. I wasn't about to let that happen.
Michael stepped up to the side of the Bus and looked in. I smiled nervously, then carefully stepped into the back, keeping my back to Michael.
"Watch the tongue, Maggie. He'll turn on you."
I closed my eyes and let my mind scream at Grandma. Leave me alone!
Without thought, I reached behind me and unsnapped my bra. I slid it off my shoulders and dropped it on the floor of the Bus.
I could feel Michael's breath on my bare skin. I relaxed a little, confident my feeble attempts to lure him inside of me weren't going to be met with rejection. He slid his hand around me, cupped my breasts and kissed my neck. He kissed my shoulders then ran his tongue around my ears.
I shuddered. It wasn't a sexual sensation exploding within me, though. It was the tongue, slightly rough and a little too cold on my skin. My thoughts shifted from Grandma to the dust eel to its skin against mine. I suddenly imagined lying in the Bus naked, a thousand eels crawling over me, in me, through me as my body disintegrated into their horrid little mouths.
I pulled away from Michael and turned around. I covered my breasts with my arms.
"What did I do?" Michael looked stunned. We'd crossed these bridges before, going so far as to lay completely naked against each other. This was nothing new, but the thought of him inside me at that moment was. If it weren't for Grandma's damned voice and the visions of eels crawling on my body, I think so much would have gone differently.
"Nothing. I'm sorry." I felt horrible, like a train hit me and I was left to rot on the side of a road while a million people walked by and told me how foolish I was to step onto the tracks in the first place. I really did want to feel Michael inside of me, maybe because I'd convinced myself I'd fallen in love or maybe just to quiet Grandma's advice once and for all. If I let a man inside me—spread my legs willingly —then I couldn't blame the tongue. If I couldn't blame the tongue, Grandma would have disappeared and I would finally be able to rid myself of the curse she must have held over me.
If I spread my legs for Alfie, though, my castle in the sky would have disappeared forever.
Michael shied away, and I could see the hurt on his face. He didn't deserve this, as much as I didn't deserve to be haunted by a dead woman's advice.
I relaxed and let my arms down. Slowly, I rose up on my knees and unbuttoned my shorts before pulling them down to my thighs. Michael leaned forward, timidly, and kissed a hardened nipple. I wanted him, and I prayed the next time I felt his tongue, it would feel like a tongue.
7
When the sun set and the last of the light escaped, Michael and I put our clothes back on. His tongue was nothing like I expected, nor was our coupling. I felt no shame and very little pain; there was just a keen sense of being a woman, of taking a man inside me that I loved and feeling his thrust, his sweaty chest, his pulsating penis as he came inside me. I was complete, as complete as a twelve-year-old could ever be. I smiled at him, kissed him softly once more before we left the Bus and silently told Grandma she was wrong.
The walk back to the trailer park was difficult, but our minds were elsewhere. Dusty tried to pull me farther ahead, but I wanted to savor my time with Michael, to experience our first moments of being one for a little while longer. We said little, but held hands. When we finally reached
" Watch the tongue of a man. " Grandma's voice rang through my ears. I suddenly felt cold and exposed to the world like a bad dream. I shook her off, trying to focus on Michael. What did she know? She was a bitter, old woman, probably put off by men all her life. She invaded Mama's life and took away any chance she might have had to be happy with another man. I wasn't about to let that happen.
Michael stepped up to the side of the Bus and looked in. I smiled nervously, then carefully stepped into the back, keeping my back to Michael.
"Watch the tongue, Maggie. He'll turn on you."
I closed my eyes and let my mind scream at Grandma. Leave me alone!
Without thought, I reached behind me and unsnapped my bra. I slid it off my shoulders and dropped it on the floor of the Bus.
I could feel Michael's breath on my bare skin. I relaxed a little, confident my feeble attempts to lure him inside of me weren't going to be met with rejection. He slid his hand around me, cupped my breasts and kissed my neck. He kissed my shoulders then ran his tongue around my ears.
I shuddered. It wasn't a sexual sensation exploding within me, though. It was the tongue, slightly rough and a little too cold on my skin. My thoughts shifted from Grandma to the dust eel to its skin against mine. I suddenly imagined lying in the Bus naked, a thousand eels crawling over me, in me, through me as my body disintegrated into their horrid little mouths.
I pulled away from Michael and turned around. I covered my breasts with my arms.
"What did I do?" Michael looked stunned. We'd crossed these bridges before, going so far as to lay completely naked against each other. This was nothing new, but the thought of him inside me at that moment was. If it weren't for Grandma's damned voice and the visions of eels crawling on my body, I think so much would have gone differently.
"Nothing. I'm sorry." I felt horrible, like a train hit me and I was left to rot on the side of a road while a million people walked by and told me how foolish I was to step onto the tracks in the first place. I really did want to feel Michael inside of me, maybe because I'd convinced myself I'd fallen in love or maybe just to quiet Grandma's advice once and for all. If I let a man inside me—spread my legs willingly —then I couldn't blame the tongue. If I couldn't blame the tongue, Grandma would have disappeared and I would finally be able to rid myself of the curse she must have held over me.
If I spread my legs for Alfie, though, my castle in the sky would have disappeared forever.
Michael shied away, and I could see the hurt on his face. He didn't deserve this, as much as I didn't deserve to be haunted by a dead woman's advice.
I relaxed and let my arms down. Slowly, I rose up on my knees and unbuttoned my shorts before pulling them down to my thighs. Michael leaned forward, timidly, and kissed a hardened nipple. I wanted him, and I prayed the next time I felt his tongue, it would feel like a tongue.
7
When the sun set and the last of the light escaped, Michael and I put our clothes back on. His tongue was nothing like I expected, nor was our coupling. I felt no shame and very little pain; there was just a keen sense of being a woman, of taking a man inside me that I loved and feeling his thrust, his sweaty chest, his pulsating penis as he came inside me. I was complete, as complete as a twelve-year-old could ever be. I smiled at him, kissed him softly once more before we left the Bus and silently told Grandma she was wrong.
The walk back to the trailer park was difficult, but our minds were elsewhere. Dusty tried to pull me farther ahead, but I wanted to savor my time with Michael, to experience our first moments of being one for a little while longer. We said little, but held hands. When we finally reached
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