way from which I can pull over and get this kiss out of the way before I stop breathing. I find an empty spot on the road and pull over. I can’t even think straight right now, so I put the truck in park and get out. I can hear her yelling something, but I have to just keep moving before I lose my nerve. I open her door and motion for her to get out, and she does. As soon as she is on the ground, I pull her lips as close to mine as I can without touching her and whisper “I am going to kiss you now, because I am afraid that if I don’t do it now, I might not get the chance again.” I lean in the rest of the way and as soon as her lips touch mine, I swear the world stops turning. In that moment, it is just she and I. She tastes like strawberries, and her lips are so soft, I think I could just stay here forever. It takes everything I have to pull away from her.
I stand there and study her face for a minute. She looks adorable with her flushed cheeks, but most of my time is spent on her eyes, which, for at moment, have no trace of sadness in them at all. I joke with her and tell her to get back in the car because I know that if we keep standing here like this, we won’t make it to the store.
We talk about her mom and why she is the way she is, and I just want to turn the car around and drive until we can’t drive anymore. I want to say exactly the right thing so that she knows I am going to be here for her no matter what. I want to pull her into my lap and hold her and let her cry and kiss every one of her tears away until she can’t cry anymore. The only thing I can come up with is, “I’m sorry.”
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I know exactly what she is going to say. When my mom killed herself and people said that, it made me furious. The last thing on earth I wanted was some asshole’s pity. And that is exactly how I just made her feel based on the reaction I just got. Shit.
I retreat to silence for the rest of the ride while I try to think of something to say to dig myself out of this massive hole I have just dug for myself. We both go into the hardware store and get the new spark plug. Once we are back in the car, I put my face in my hands so that I can think; and seconds later she pleads, “Listen, I know you didn’t mean to upset me. I just really hate it when people pity me.”
There is no right thing to say right now, and yet, because I am a professional idiot when it comes to her, I manage to verbally vomit on her what seem like random words that just pop into my head. I can’t read what she is thinking with her damn sunglasses on, so I reach over and slide them up so I can see her eyes, and not only is the sadness back, but there are tears just about to fall. If she is anything like me, the last thing she wants is for someone to see her cry, so when she slides her glasses back down and turns away, I don’t argue with her. The last thing I need to do is make this hole any bigger.
CHAPTER TEN
Tenley
T he drive home is completely silent. He keeps my hand in his and gently rubs my hand with his thumb, and though no words are exchanged between us, the small gesture of his hand holding mine says so much.
I feel safe. I feel cherished almost. I have never felt like this in my life. I know he is going to do whatever he can to help me. I know that he is going to save me. I don’t know how, but I know it.
When we finally pull into my driveway, he looks at me with such an intense look in his eyes that I feel as though he can read my thoughts.
“You will be okay. I will protect you. No matter what.”
“I wish I could believe that.” I say with overwhelming sadness as I step out of the car.
Walking into the house, I can immediately feel the tension. Jack must have left, and now my mother has just been sitting here getting angrier by the second.
I close the door, and she is in my face.
“I don’t know what the hell you were trying to pull there, but you try to pull that shit again with me
I stand there and study her face for a minute. She looks adorable with her flushed cheeks, but most of my time is spent on her eyes, which, for at moment, have no trace of sadness in them at all. I joke with her and tell her to get back in the car because I know that if we keep standing here like this, we won’t make it to the store.
We talk about her mom and why she is the way she is, and I just want to turn the car around and drive until we can’t drive anymore. I want to say exactly the right thing so that she knows I am going to be here for her no matter what. I want to pull her into my lap and hold her and let her cry and kiss every one of her tears away until she can’t cry anymore. The only thing I can come up with is, “I’m sorry.”
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I know exactly what she is going to say. When my mom killed herself and people said that, it made me furious. The last thing on earth I wanted was some asshole’s pity. And that is exactly how I just made her feel based on the reaction I just got. Shit.
I retreat to silence for the rest of the ride while I try to think of something to say to dig myself out of this massive hole I have just dug for myself. We both go into the hardware store and get the new spark plug. Once we are back in the car, I put my face in my hands so that I can think; and seconds later she pleads, “Listen, I know you didn’t mean to upset me. I just really hate it when people pity me.”
There is no right thing to say right now, and yet, because I am a professional idiot when it comes to her, I manage to verbally vomit on her what seem like random words that just pop into my head. I can’t read what she is thinking with her damn sunglasses on, so I reach over and slide them up so I can see her eyes, and not only is the sadness back, but there are tears just about to fall. If she is anything like me, the last thing she wants is for someone to see her cry, so when she slides her glasses back down and turns away, I don’t argue with her. The last thing I need to do is make this hole any bigger.
CHAPTER TEN
Tenley
T he drive home is completely silent. He keeps my hand in his and gently rubs my hand with his thumb, and though no words are exchanged between us, the small gesture of his hand holding mine says so much.
I feel safe. I feel cherished almost. I have never felt like this in my life. I know he is going to do whatever he can to help me. I know that he is going to save me. I don’t know how, but I know it.
When we finally pull into my driveway, he looks at me with such an intense look in his eyes that I feel as though he can read my thoughts.
“You will be okay. I will protect you. No matter what.”
“I wish I could believe that.” I say with overwhelming sadness as I step out of the car.
Walking into the house, I can immediately feel the tension. Jack must have left, and now my mother has just been sitting here getting angrier by the second.
I close the door, and she is in my face.
“I don’t know what the hell you were trying to pull there, but you try to pull that shit again with me
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