Consequences by Elyse Draper

understand that my line to rational thought has to, for
the sake of survival, withdraw almost completely from emotions.
    Continuing my story in monotone, hoping to
keep my despair buried inside, I have to try and explain my last
day with Ellie, so that Michael might understand my downward spiral
when I returned to Vegas for a second time. “When I returned to
Colorado, after my visit with Ann, I was informed by James that
Ellie would be a better prize than me. If I allowed James to take
her to V, he would leave me alone. I, of course, knew better … if I
let them take Ellie, they would kill her then come back for me. So
I brokered a deal with James: If he left Ann and Ellie alone, I
would go with him voluntarily, and I wouldn’t sacrifice him to V as
a failure.
    "I broke in ways I’ll never be able to
explain, while I waited for Ellie to come back to me. You have to
remember, I had already pushed her away once, so that I could visit
Ann and find out more about James. Waiting for her to return so
that I could rip her heart out again, in order to save her from V,
just about killed me. Don’t get me wrong, Ellie can take care of
herself, and by that point she had already shown James that he was
no match for her … but V; he would destroy her in the most painful
ways possible. The weight of hurting her, so that she wouldn’t walk
into her own destruction, brought about a certain death to my soul
that will never heal.
    “Nothing was as intense though, as the
constant paranoia that V might find out about Ellie, before I could
warn her about him. By the time she found me, I was dying … eaten
away, from the inside out. I didn’t know how much of a double-edged
sword freewill could be … the choices I made, gutted me. The most
surprising part was finding the strength to follow through with the
promise I made to myself … the conviction to push her away forever.
It came from a place I didn’t know I had. Death didn’t scare me
anymore, but life without Ellie terrified me. You'd think I would
have cursed the miracle that allowed us to find each other, just to
leave us hanging, destined to lose one another. I wished for Ellie
… the chance to love and be loved without remorse, even if it was a
mistake … there were never any regrets; and somewhere in that
realization, I became stronger.
    "When she finally returned, she performed a
miracle of her own, so that she could be with me … she made a deal
with the powers that be: twenty-four hours, just twenty-four hours
to hold me … to love me. When she left that last time, she took a
strand of me with her, a life line reminding me of who I used to
be; who I wanted to be. After those precious hours were gone, I
thought I would unravel without her, but when James came, I knew it
was time to deal with the consequences of my choices, my promises …
so I returned to Vegas, and right into V's waiting arms. I returned
as a condemned man; but they weren't going to have all of me …
because Ellie took my soul with her.”
    “Ellie left.” It was phrased as a statement,
not as a question. Michael seems to instinctively know that probing
into that wound will break my fragile, illusion of control.
    “So what happened in Vegas?” Without a sound,
I thank him for changing the subject.
    “Lune and I arrived with James in tow; he led
us to his old penthouse apartment on the strip. Apparently he had
purchased the space for three million dollars, and it had sat
vacant since his death. He had already set up a remote withdrawal
plan, out of his Swiss bank accounts, to pay for the upkeep …
including a maid service that came once a month. He was buried with
no ceremony whatsoever, and as long as the apartment was being
cared for, no one asked any questions. The apartment, like James,
just simply slipped into non-existence. I followed him into a
lifestyle that I had never dreamed possible for someone like me.
All of his clothes, his living space, false identities, everything
… if I