acknowledged him, felt something for him in return, wanted him physically, too.
The worlds Pearl and Lily walked in were a million miles apart, and somehow, if Josiah was going to court Pearl, he needed to figure out how to bridge those miles. He had little money, little prospect for fame or wealth, and even less desire for a house as big and overwhelming as the place Pearl called home.
Josiah could never see himself as a gentleman, a politician, or a man of means. He couldnât see himself as anything other than a Texas Ranger, and now even that vision of himself was in extreme jeopardy. It took all he had just to provide for Lyle and Ofelia.
How then , he wondered, almost out loud, is a man like me supposed to show a woman like Pearl Fikes his love ?
The thought stopped Josiah in his tracks about a half a block from his house.
A gust of wind whipped around his face, stinging his eyes, forcing them to tear up. He wasnât sure whether it was the weather, the cold slapping his bare eyes, or his heart that was causing the tears. He tried with all of his might to make them vanish immediately.
Did he really love Pearl? Truly? Madly? Like he had Lily? And what did that say of his love for his dead wife? Was that love over, gone, or lesser somehow? Was it ever real in the first place, if it could be replaced?
The questions were immense and not ones that Josiah liked to considerâeverâbut the ruminations would not go away, would not leave his thoughts. It was as if they were caged like some vicious animal, unable to break free.
Life had gone on after the death of his family. Life with only Lyle, a little boy being raised by a wet nurse who loved him more than her own life, but a boy just the same, who deserved the same kind of family as other normal children. One with a mother, a father, brothers and sisters.
Josiahâs mouth went dry at the consideration of more children to feed, clothe, and care for.
Did Pearl want a family? Was he rushing things to even consider such a thing? Pearl had led him to believe she wanted a future with him. Only him. How could he not let his mind focus in on those places and embrace the idea, the realities, or be frightened, scared to death of losing everything again? That is what life had shown him more than once: Love something and lose it. Thatâs the way it is. Why should it be any different now with Pearl, especially when he was on the very edge of losing his livelihood?
Pearl was the only woman Josiah had allowed himself to feel anything for since burying Lily almost three years ago. He had had a brief tryst with a woman, Fat Susie, nearly a year ago, but she was dead now, killed by her brother. That relationship could have never worked anyway, since Fat Susie ran a whorehouse. And then there was Billie Webb, a girl whoâd helped him escape Liam OâReillyâs grasp not so long ago, but Josiah just wasnât sure how he felt about her. She seemed to want more than he could give. Besides, Pearl was always on his mind.
It was all crazy thinking, as far as Josiah was concerned. Regardless of what had happened and what was going to happen, courting Pearl was going to be difficult, if not nearly impossible. Especially when he considered the changes that might occur if the Widow Fikes lost her estate. What would happen then? It was hard to say, hard to even fathom, and not something Josiah felt any responsibility for, even though Pete Feders had.
Certain that he couldnât solve any of the problems bouncing around inside his head, Josiah pushed forward toward home, toward the warmth of the house heâd found some comfort in anyway.
It wasnât until he was two houses away that Josiah saw someone standing on his porch.
He thought about stopping, about turning the other way, but he didnât know if the person meant him or his family any harm, since he couldnât tell outright who the person was.
The only weapon Josiah carried was the knife
The worlds Pearl and Lily walked in were a million miles apart, and somehow, if Josiah was going to court Pearl, he needed to figure out how to bridge those miles. He had little money, little prospect for fame or wealth, and even less desire for a house as big and overwhelming as the place Pearl called home.
Josiah could never see himself as a gentleman, a politician, or a man of means. He couldnât see himself as anything other than a Texas Ranger, and now even that vision of himself was in extreme jeopardy. It took all he had just to provide for Lyle and Ofelia.
How then , he wondered, almost out loud, is a man like me supposed to show a woman like Pearl Fikes his love ?
The thought stopped Josiah in his tracks about a half a block from his house.
A gust of wind whipped around his face, stinging his eyes, forcing them to tear up. He wasnât sure whether it was the weather, the cold slapping his bare eyes, or his heart that was causing the tears. He tried with all of his might to make them vanish immediately.
Did he really love Pearl? Truly? Madly? Like he had Lily? And what did that say of his love for his dead wife? Was that love over, gone, or lesser somehow? Was it ever real in the first place, if it could be replaced?
The questions were immense and not ones that Josiah liked to considerâeverâbut the ruminations would not go away, would not leave his thoughts. It was as if they were caged like some vicious animal, unable to break free.
Life had gone on after the death of his family. Life with only Lyle, a little boy being raised by a wet nurse who loved him more than her own life, but a boy just the same, who deserved the same kind of family as other normal children. One with a mother, a father, brothers and sisters.
Josiahâs mouth went dry at the consideration of more children to feed, clothe, and care for.
Did Pearl want a family? Was he rushing things to even consider such a thing? Pearl had led him to believe she wanted a future with him. Only him. How could he not let his mind focus in on those places and embrace the idea, the realities, or be frightened, scared to death of losing everything again? That is what life had shown him more than once: Love something and lose it. Thatâs the way it is. Why should it be any different now with Pearl, especially when he was on the very edge of losing his livelihood?
Pearl was the only woman Josiah had allowed himself to feel anything for since burying Lily almost three years ago. He had had a brief tryst with a woman, Fat Susie, nearly a year ago, but she was dead now, killed by her brother. That relationship could have never worked anyway, since Fat Susie ran a whorehouse. And then there was Billie Webb, a girl whoâd helped him escape Liam OâReillyâs grasp not so long ago, but Josiah just wasnât sure how he felt about her. She seemed to want more than he could give. Besides, Pearl was always on his mind.
It was all crazy thinking, as far as Josiah was concerned. Regardless of what had happened and what was going to happen, courting Pearl was going to be difficult, if not nearly impossible. Especially when he considered the changes that might occur if the Widow Fikes lost her estate. What would happen then? It was hard to say, hard to even fathom, and not something Josiah felt any responsibility for, even though Pete Feders had.
Certain that he couldnât solve any of the problems bouncing around inside his head, Josiah pushed forward toward home, toward the warmth of the house heâd found some comfort in anyway.
It wasnât until he was two houses away that Josiah saw someone standing on his porch.
He thought about stopping, about turning the other way, but he didnât know if the person meant him or his family any harm, since he couldnât tell outright who the person was.
The only weapon Josiah carried was the knife
Similar Books
